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9-2-03 Its been awhile since I posted. A lot has been going on. So, here we go (this might be a little LONG). First, HELLO to all of you and GOODLUCK to those pre-ops having surgery this week. (1) I have been away b/c I have been STUDYING LIKE A DOG for  my Pennsylvania Life/Accident & Health. I have put it off for literally YEARS. In NY, the state requires 40hrs of classroom study prior to sitting for the exam, so, I never took the class b/c there was no way I was gonna be able to sit that long for something (I have a tendency to fall asleep when sitting for a long time, boredom does that, I also think the extra weight was part of it too). However, my job in Philly REQUIRES this license. SO, I have to take it. Last weekend, I sat through a BRAINWASHING Class given by Russ Schools . For 8 hrs each day I sat in class of 50+ people and repeated answers to questions 3X in a row. Brainwashing, that’s what it was, "see it, hear it, repeat it", well, I am an analytical person, so, this class DID NOTHING FOR ME! So, I studied my big ole butt (smaller butt than before) off all Labor Day Weekend while my hubby hung out in NYC and went to the US Open. My test is Friday, wish me luck. (2) I started working out religiously again. I am going to the gym in the morning and then getting ready there and walking to work. If I cannot lose anymore weight I CAN AT LEAST GET SMALLER AND LOSE INCHES! I noticed this am, that the TINY towels (the ones they give you at the gym) actually WRAP AROUND MY POST-OP BODY! Now, mind you this is no small feet b/c those towels ARE DAMN SMALL! The wrap around me and I all my body is covered, WHOOOAAA! What an accomplishment! (3) A lot of you now I have been trying to jump start my metabolism and I joined a popular pre-packaged Weight Loss Center (the mods won't let me give them press, check profile if ya wanna know) and I did it for 1 week. Well, let me tell you, although I loss some 4lbs WTD (week to date), I AM SO FRICKIN HUNGRY! I can barely eat all the food b/c of the shear volumes of it, however, all the carbs and lack of protein have left me wanting to eat everything in sight, I AM SO HUNGRY! I will say that the 30/40/30 balance of Fat, Carbs and Protein where nice on the digestive track and the bathroom time, however, I can't do all those carbs! So, I am going back to protein, protein, and protein. But, I am choosing better protein, more seafood, more chicken, less meat & cheese. YES, I AM A CHEESE ADDICT! I bought 3lbs of Cajun peel & eat shrimp and 2lbs of scallops! Plus, another 2lbs of jumbos shrimp that I have yet to cook. (4) Got my 1yr blood work back. My White Blood Cell Count (WBC) is WAY LOW! I am 3.8 (range is 4.0 to 10.5). Also, my LDL is High @ 104 (range is 0-99), however, my cholesterol is 165 which my HDLK @ 52. My Iron Saturation is also LOW @ 14 (range is 15-55) and my PTH is HIGH @ 111 (range is 8-97). Not sure what the WBC & the PTH numbers imply, but, I am faxing all of this to my Nutrionist today and also my Dr Leitman and I will review all of this on the 19th. I also had my period while I got my blood work taken, so, I don't know if this has anything to do with it! (5) Lastly, calling all NEW YORKERS OF THOSE IN THE SURROUNDING BOROUGHS! I am walking in the NYC Obesity Walk on Saturday, September 20th. PLEASE WALK...ITS ONLY 2 MILES, they walk will probably only take me 20-30 minutes to complete, but, it will be great to get all of us NYers together (plus some in NJ or CT)....I would love to meet y’all. I am coming up to the city for the weekend. I am seeing my surgeon for my 1yr post-op visit and also gonna see a Dr for my PS consult that Friday. 9-5-03 OK. I AM BACK! DID YA'LL MISS ME? I haven't been on hear much. I have been cramming for my Pennsylvania Life Insurance & Health/Accident Lisc. I PASSED! YEAH! Back to reality. Back to dropping some Lbs and also back to working out every morning. Also, seeing a PS in a few weeks, time to get rid of the excess skin!

 

 

 

9-9-03  Decided it is time for PS.  As much as I want to weight 150lbs, I want to get rid of the excess skin more.  I have started the prelim steps and am researching different Plastic Surgeons in NY and PA. I am leaning towards having it done in NYC as they have better doctors, hospitals, etc than PA.  The best in the world.  Plus, my surgeon is there and I think I have a better chance of getting approved in NY.  I have initially spoken with Dr Abrahmson's office.  His assistant indicated to me that they have a pretty good approval with the Insurance Companies, around 70%.  So, I am optimistic.  I have also decided that I am having this done NOW before I have children b/c I am not ready to have children yet and sometimes don't know if I will ever be ready.

 

 

 

9-11-03 I was thinking about this today too. I will be 13 mos next week and I am down 118lbs to 187, I need to lose another 37lbs for my personal goal. I am happy where I am but didn't have this surgery to be 187 lbs. I did it and rearranged my insides and changed my life to be normal and normal to me is 150ish. If a yr ago, you told me I would lose 100lbs, I would have been happy with that, but, when you get so close, it feels so far. I think everyday that I have let time slip away from me. My surgery was relatively easy and maybe I took it too easy. Mind you, I worked out HARD, for 6 straight mos, I was up at 6 am and at the gym everyday, 5 days a week. I know don't work out as hard, but, I walk to and form work everyday, that’s 5 miles. I sooooo want that last 37lbs off, 25 really would make me happy! I even joined Jenny Craig 3 wks ago and did it for a week, I lost the 5-7lbs I had regained, but, was constantly hungry b/c of all the carbs and lack or protein. As much as its a cliché, PROTEIN PROTIEN PROTEIN! I need to get back to that and step up the strength training, lean muscle mass, building it up. Ok, I am done preaching to myself or trying to convince myself.

 

 

 

9-12-03 13 mos post-op today weighing it at 188lbs, 1lb more than last month.  That's ok1  B/C this is the month I get serious. And, if that doesn't work, I am getting plastic surgery in January!

 

 

 

 

 

 

9-21-03 Hey there, back from my weekend in NYC.  Went to the NYC Obesity Walk on Saturday and I don't know if anyone else posted this yet, BUT WE HAVE PROTESTERS?  Did anyone else.  A chapter of NAFA (Nat'l Assoc of Fat Acceptance).  Well, leave it to me to mouth off and get into a fight.  Some girl was yelling at me telling me surgery is the easy way out and I told her "NO, STAYING FAT IS THE EASY WAY OUT AND NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT"...Well, finally after a few more choice words, I left well enough alone and headed to join my friends.  Anyway, I enjoyed my weekend, Allegra, Wendy, Lizzy and everyone else I met, it was a lot of fun!  I only wish Al Roker would have come along!  Oh, last thing, I saw my dtr on Friday, he cleared me for plastic surgery, also said I was 12lbs from his goal of 175 and that with the PS, I would be at goal.  Also, said I looked a lot smaller than I was.  I attribute this to all the walking and working out.  So, I am going to make an apt to see Dr Abramson soon.  I just started a new job this summer, so, I have no vaka/sick time till January.  So, I am gonna do my consult, start the insurance process and then aim for January.  I figure that between now and January, I maybe able to drop another 10-15lbs.  I think I want a lower body lift or beltectomy (sp?).  Lastly, 2 new friends are having surgery this week, Donna Kehoe and my angelette, Allison Osborne.  My best to you both!

 

 

 

I found this great poem on someone else's profile.  I wanted to post it here.  It spoke to me. 

 

 

 

A Poem by Barbara Rice

 

 

 

So many nights, I whimpered and cried,

Thought that my prayers had all been denied.

Stuffing my feelings, ashamed of my plight,

Trying to stop, with all of my might.

Shoving in cold spaghetti, at three in the morning,

Frying shrimps by the time the daylight was dawning.

Drinking gallons of soda, my heart wildly beating,

Hating myself, 'cause I couldn't stop eating.

The monster in me would come out to play,

And as much as I begged him, he wouldn't go 'way.

Morning would come, and that is when,

The whole vicious cycle would start once again.

Tears would be streaming, I felt like a cow,

I wanted to stop, but I didn't know how.

Boarding a plane, and seeing the fear

In the eyes of the others..." Don't let her sit here!"

Walking a block, and feeling such pain,

That I went right back home to start eating again.

" Your face is so pretty! Start using your head!"

"Just eat smaller portions , " my family said.

" Put down the fork! Push back from the table!"

That's what my friends said...But I wasn't able.

" Willpower's the secret! We'll help you get through it!"

" TRY HARDER, " they urged...But I couldn't do it.

I tried every diet to get back on track,

I'd lose weight and then just gain twice as much back!

Every morning I'd pray, " God let me be good..."

Then I'd fail once again...and no one understood.

Each new day would bring another attempt,

Each evening would bring still more self-contempt.

Filled with self-loathing, such awful remorse,

Simply unable to get back on course.

Overwhelmed with this state of awful depression,

Giving in to this dark, paralyzing obsession.

I thought to myself, " You'll always be fat..

Accept it, move on! Learn to live with that fact! "

Questioning God and wondering why,

Positive that I was destined to die.

Yet something inside me was whispering, "No..

There MUST be a way. It HAS to be so."

I felt a new HEATHER was waiting inside me,

And it was her voice, I permitted to guide me.

 

 

 

I knew I could no longer go on this way,

Desperate and dying, bit by bit, day by day.

So I got on my knees, and prayed for relief,

Then God sent a miracle to lessen my grief.

A way to stop eating, so crazy I thought,

Went against everything I had been taught.

This was my last option, I felt like a jerk

If this didn't do it, then NOTHING would work!

So I trusted the doctors, wholly and blindly,

And my God smiled down, completely and kindly.

An unorthodox treatment, but working so well,

To help lift me OUT of this ongoing hell.

A surgical wonder, that acts as a tool

To battle the fat, which has made life so cruel.

So as scared as I was, I knew I'd get through it...

Since I was so much more afraid not to do it.

And it went very smoothly, and I'm convinced that

That pain was less than the pain of this fat.

Nothing could hurt more than being this size,

While seeing the pity in everyone's eyes.

That part of my life is over and done,

But I'll never forget the place I come from.

I'll always be grateful, I'll always be driven

To bestow upon others the support I've been given.

The obsession has lifted, I'm whole and I'm free,

God and my surgeon gave my life back to me.

I 'vet learned to eat slowly, I've learned how to chew

Enjoying my food, as normal folks do.

I eat when I'm hungry, I stop when I'm not,

Being fat, in this life, will not be my lot.

I eat not for sport, but just to survive,

My whole life is changing...I'm glad I'm alive!

I will reach the goal that I'm aiming toward,

I've truly been blessed...Thank You, Dear Lord.

The peace that I feel is calming and true,

And for those who still suffer...I wish it for you.

 

 

 

9-28-03  I am proud of who I am and how I have gotten to where I am today!  I make no excuses.  I often speak without thinking, but, I stand behind everything I say.  I will never hide behind anything or anyone.  I didn't have this surgery to diet the rest of my life.  I did it to be "NORMAL".  I eat sweets, bread and drink liquor in moderation.  I am NOT PERFECT.  Somedays I eat 500 calories, but most days consume anywhere from 1500-2000.  I also work out a TON and walk 5 miles to/from work each day!  I burn 500-700 Calories a day in exercise along.  I am happy with my 185 lbs body.  I am not perfect.  WLS has uncovered a lot of things I never wanted to deal with in the past.  I don't have the greatest marriage and I am searching for a career change.  I settled all my life and am no longer gonna do it anymore.  I am gonna make October PROTEIN month and get serious for 30 days.  if I don't lose anymore, I know my body is at its set point.  Everybody's body has this.  Our bodies are smart, they know where they want to be.  As I was saying, if after 30 days I don't lose, I am gonna be content where I am and have Plastic Surgery.  I am Very tiny up top now.  I have gone from a 46DD to a 36/38 C.  I am also have a 30-32 waist but am wearing 14/16 pants b/c of the excess roll of skin around my abdomen.  I have no tummy whatsoever and the most beautiful 2 1/2 inch scar (open with a phenomenal surgeon)!  I am telling you all this b/c I have always been honest. Some of you don't like me, but, ya gotta respect me for being true to myself and true to this process.  I have never pretended to be someone I am not.  To my online friends (you know who you are, I don't have to list you names), I love ya and I respect you and would do anything for you if needed.  To those who send me hate mail (and I get a ton), I am no longer going to indulge you and reply!  Again, thanks for listening and I will continue to update my profile but am no longer gonna post on the boards b/c I feel it is becoming to 6th grade.  I have tremendous respect for Pam German and Joann (Italian Contessa).  If I had something to say to one of them, I would say it without hiding behind a "fake screen name" or a invalid email.  They both know that and whomever is trying to cause drama on the boards (and I assume it is u Perry & Mara) GROW UP!

 

 

 

 

 

 

9-29-03  (188) Today starts "GETTING BACK TO BASICS DAY 1".  EXERCISE: I worked out for 20 minutes on the Elliptical b/c the bike I like to use was occupied @ 6am.  Walked to and from work (5.0 miles).  FOOD: Atkins Choc Royale Shake, 1 scrambled egg w/ 3 pieces of pork sausage, handful of almonds, Coventry salad w/ romaine, blackened chicken, bacon, olives, cheese, tomatoes and balsamic vinaigrette (about 1/2 of salad), another handful of nuts, 1/3 of 8oz Rib eye, 2 slices of mozz & tomato salad and SF Choc Fudsicle.  VITAMINS: Also, started my vitamins again for the first time in months.  2 Flintstones & also iron, need calcium citrate as my calcium citrate liquid tabs (that I purchased almost a yr ago and never used) expired on 5/03.  WATER: tons of it. 

 

 

 

9-30-03 (186) "BACK TO BASICS DAY 2".  Lost 2lbs!  My 2 1/2 month plateau appears to be over.  FOOD: Atkins Choc Royale Shake (4),handful of almonds (2X), Mozz Cheese & Tomatoes w/ Balsamic Vinegar & Oil, a small grilled chicken breast and 3 oz of cheddar & gouda cheese. Walked 2.5 miles.