heathercross
August 2004
8-15-04 Well, here we are, I AM 2 YRS OUT TODAY FROM WLS...What a 2 years it has been. 2 yrs ago today, I was scared of dieing on the table, I was scared of living anymore of my life fat, I was scared of dieing from obesity, I was scared of never knowing who I was. Well, its now 2yrs later, I have accomplished just about every goal I set out for myself. I have changed a great deal in the past 2 yrs, I have lost 132lbs, I have gone from a size 28 to a 10, I have had a reconstructive PS (LBL), I have become active and I have separated from my spouse. All of these things could not have been accomplished without the help of my friends, family, my husband (or soon to be ex) and my dear, sweet Dr Leitman (Dr Abramson too for the PS)...I thank God everyday that WLS exists. It has given me my life back. Actually, It has given me a life, I think that is a better stmt. I can't even tell you, now, its like I never even had the surgery, my life is so normal now, I really don't even think about it. I see myself as every other gal who walks the streets of NY. Most of the people I know now, would never guess I ever had a weight problem before. With the PS, I don't even look like a FFP (formerly fat person) and when I am at the gym, the trainer tells me I look great and is shocked to hear that I weigh 170lb. Love her! Anyway, a BIG THANK YOU to: Dr Leitman, Joan, Dr Abramson, my Mom, Holly, Michael, Claudio, Gabby, Berta, Wendy, Michelle, Joyce, Paula M and Janice. There are many more to thank and you all know who you are, but, these people, I couldn't have survived or made it this far without them. They are true Angels.
8-19-04 Decided to not go thru the Barr/Bard study right now. I am still commuting everyday from NYC to Philly. Its exhausting. As such, I don't think I can dedicate 100% of myself to this study nor do I have the time to attend f/u appointments and go through being "newly post-op again". right now, I need a routine and this isn't fitting in. So, I passed and maybe in a few mos. However, my eating is still pretty under control, but, I do have issues and always will. I have been working out 3 days a week, 30 min cardio and 30 min of weights. Its hard to get all this in a day when your up @5:45, out the door by 6:30 and don't walk back in your door till 8ish. But, I am doing the best I can.
8-21-04 I have been dating a lot. Either men I have met while out at clubs and bars or from my stint on match.com. I had an interesting date the other night, I care to share to show that no matter how much we lose, we are never good enough for everyone. Let me preface this by saying, I was enamored by how hot he was and that clouded my judgment. We were first supposed to go out several weeks ago, we made tentative plans for a Friday night and when he never called to confirm where and what time we were mtg, I made plans with someone else. Well, he later emailed me saying he didn't wanna start something with me b/c he recently hit it off with another match.com girl and wanted to see where it went, felt as if he was cheating. I respected that. So, last week, we started talking again and he asked me out for Wed. While chatting on the phone earlier this week, he said something that I should have red flagged. "I met this girl after chatting on the phone for a week and when she got their she was HUGE, weighed 180 or something". Well, that should have been warning enough, but, I must be a glutton for punishment. Well, we had a great date, or so I thought. He told me I looked better than my pics, we had dinner, a few glasses of wine, no lapses in conversation and lots of kissing afterwards. Well, before the date was over, he asked me out for Sat. Well, last night, he emailed me saying we were not compatible, I was too aggressive and that I was too "BIG" for him. Well, I was really upset for awhile. But, you know what, I don't need an ass like that. I guess he NEVER would have been able to handle a woman like me and probably would have freaked if he knew I once weighed 300+ lbs. Ironically, he could have stood to lose a few lbs.
