heathercross
December 2004
12-15-04 Well, Here I am almost 2 1/1 yrs out...Everyday I thank God that I has this surgery. Everyday I FEAR gaining the weight back. Its gets to easy. I eat whatever I want....I think what keeps me honest and at goal is that I do work out hard 3-4 days per wk (1-1.5 hrs of Cardio & 30-45 min of weight lifting). I also don't count my calories anymore/carbs or protein anymore. I am guilty, these days, of eating too many Xmas Goodies, but, its XMAS, right? This time of yr makes me reflect a lot. A lot has happened to me this yr, 2 yrs out, Lower Body Lift, Car Accident where I should have been killed, my move back to NYC, my separation and pending divorce and dating as a THIN person. I think about every man I have dated over the last 6 mos, and there have been dozens, and I realize, NONE of them would have dated me at 300+. I am know guilty of judging a man more on his appearance than I used to. I don't have to settle anymore. I guess the way I look at it is, I DID A LOT TO GET WHERE I AM NOW! I care about me, my body, my appearance and my new life. I cannot see myself with someone who isn't fit, healthy and NON-overweight, is that Shallow? Maybe, but, that’s the way I feel. And, one more thing for those of you who check up on me, LIFE IS NOT ANY EASIER THINNER, ITS A HELL OF A LOT MORE COMPLICATED, JUST MORE FUN AND NOT AS TIRING! Happy Holidays! Oh, almost forgot, gonna get a mini-arm lift and my boobs lifted this spring.
12-31-04 I like many other young woman in the , watched Sex & the City faithfully, all episodes. I loved the gals and their stories and especially all the fabulous places. And since, I live in NYC myself, I am always envious and curious of the places, but, I was KEPT out of these places for years bc they don't let 300+ obese woman into places like this. Well, last night, I knew I arrived. I went to Soho House. For those Sex & in the City fans, Soho House was showcased a few seasons ago when Samantha was dating the Hotel Mogul, Richard, he took her for a date at a private club where there was a pool on the roof, Anyone remember? Well, last night I went there. was in aw....I had so much fun people watching. I was on a date with a 42yo bachelor, money manager who made a $1 mm per yr, very high net worth. Its a shame my date wasn't as interesting as the Soho House itself. What a bore, but, that is not why I am writing this. Girls & Boys, there is a WHOLE other world out there that we were never exposed to before. Life is soooo different when your thin. I cannot believe it. Everyday I am confronted by this. I am shocked. The way your treated, the way your viewed, the way you are accepted and appreciated and admired. But, never will forgot where I came from and SCARED to death everyday that I may regain and be there again. HAPPY NEW YEARS!
