Here I sit on New Year's Eve, pondering the events of the past year, and how much my life has changed.  I remember at this time last year, I was still waiting on an answer from my IMR and was unsure if I was even going to be able to have my DS at all.  I, of course, won my IMR, and had my DS on February 23, 2010, in Grand Rapids, MI, with Dr. James Foote at Blodgett Hospital.  I almost feel like 2/23/10 was my "re-birthday."  My life has changed so dramatically in the last ten months that it almost feels unrecognizable to me - but in a totally good way.  I weigh 138 lbs., which puts me at 111 lbs. lost from my highest weight, and 95 lbs. lost from my surgery weight.  I have achieved 102% EWL!!  I reached my goal weight at 9 months out on Thanksgiving Day (how appropriate)!  I currently am wearing size 4 jeans (that just makes my jaw drop every time I say or think about it).  My BMI is 22, which is freakin' amazing!!  I sometimes think maybe I should pinch myself, to make sure that this isn't all a dream.

I'm not sure if anyone ever reads these things that I write here.  I guess it doesn't really matter - to me, it's kind of like a little journal to document how I'm feeling at the time or what I'm thinking about.  But if someone does read this, I hope it helps even a little bit.

I feel like my life is amazing now.  But I also look back, and realize that not a whole lot, in the grand scheme of things, has changed.  I still live in the same house with my son, I still work at the same job making the same money, I still have the same family and friends, I'm still single, etc. etc.  But all of my life (what I can really remember of it, at least), I have hated my weight, hated how I looked, felt like an outsider because of my size, dieted and struggled and been miserable.  I've always hoped and prayed for some miracle to help me lose the weight for good, to keep it off, to help me feel better about myself.  Well, my DS has been my miracle.   I don't remember ever weighing this little or wearing this small of clothing; I don't remember ever not obsessing about my weight or what I was eating (or couldn't eat because I was dieting).  For once in my life, I just feel normal and free.  I feel like a huge weight (literally and metaphorically) has been lifted off of my shoulders, my mind, and my heart. 

The DS has changed my life forever.  Things are different for me now, in ways that will never change.  It isn't all sunshine and rainbows.  I have to take A LOT of vitamins, about 30 a day.  I have to drink A LOT of protein drinks, three or four a day.  I have to watch what I eat, especially dairy products like milk and ice cream because I am lactose intolerant, although cheese and yogurt don't give me troubles.  Sometimes certain things will cause me to have pretty bad (painful) gastritis attacks, and sometimes I'm not really sure what in particular causes them, I just know that it hurts like hell and makes me miserable.  I now have normal blood sugar levels, cholesterol levels, and triglyceride levels, for the first time in over five years.  I still suffer from GERD, which I was hoping would go away after losing all of this weight and discontinuing my Diet Coke habit, but it hasn't - oh well.  I've lost a lot of muscle mass along with my weight loss - I have mixed feelings about this - I was always almost "overly" muscular (for a girl), so losing some has been fine, but I've lost a lot of upper body strength and that kind of sucks.  I should do more to do something about it, like exercise, but I am inherently lazy, and the DS didn't change that about me.  I think I lucked out by getting the DS at a fairly young age, plus having "good genes" because I don't have a ton of loose, hangy skin.  My upper arms were bad for awhile, but actually look quite nice now, and I think that all of the lifting that I do at work has really helped.  I highly doubt that plastics are ever going to be in my future, unless I somehow end up making a lot of money or marrying a sugar daddy (LOL).  I'm okay with that - plastics kind of scare me, anyway.  Sure, there are quite a few things on my body that I would like to "fix," but I never went into this thinking that I was going to look perfect when all was said and done.  I think that has helped me, having realistic expectations - I've never been disappointed along the way.  I honestly had set my "size goal" at a size 9/10 (my weight goal was 140ish), and I hit my size goal in June, at 170 lbs.  I guess it really is true that every 10 lbs. lost makes you lose a size, too; although I think that is only applicable after you get under a certain weight, like maybe 180ish.  All those years that I weighed way over 200 lbs., losing 10 lbs. never made one bit of difference in what size I wore.  Losing all of this weight has made me spend A LOT of money on clothes this year, more than I've probably spent in the past five years total.  I feel like I wasted a ton of money because I changed sizes so much - I started out wearing 16/18s, now down to 4s...holy moley!!  I've kind of refused to buy any new work clothes for awhile, so all of my work pants are too big (7s or 8s), but I kind of wanted to wait and see how long I can wear them and how low my weight goes.  I haven't been actively trying to lose any weight in months, actually...back in September, I just decided that I was happy where I was at (around 150 at that point and wearing size 8s).  Losses have slowed wayyyyyyy down since then -  -3 in Sept, -4 in Oct, -3 in Nov, and -2 here in Dec.  That's fine with me.

I don't know what else to say, other than I really love my DS.  I am soooo happy that I chose this surgery - it is something that *I* can live with for the rest of my life.  I know the DS is not for everyone.  While I personally think it is the greatest surgery out there, I don't think that everyone can handle it - the hyper-vigilance with labs, supplementation, etc...it's hard work.  The eating part is easy, IMO.  I pretty much eat whatever I want, whenever I want...no guilt, no problems (for the most part).  That may be one of the most amazing parts of the DS for me...living guilt-free is awesome!!

I'm sooooo looking forward to 2011 and my continued "evolution."  I sometimes kind of feel like a butterfly, emerging from my coccoon, constantly changing.  It's been magical!!

Once again, time has gotten away from me.  I guess between work, school, and family, I don't have as much free time as I'd like.  The exciting thing that happened to me this month was that I hit goal on Thanksgiving morning!!!  I, of course, was completely thrilled.  Goal in 9 months, to me, is pretty amazing.  I realize that it is just an arbitrary number on the scales, and I honestly don't feel any different weight 140 than I did when I weighed 145 or even 150...but I guess, to me at least, it just signals success.  I've been dieting pretty much for as long as I can remember, and I *always* set goal weights for myself...and I NEVER once reached my goal weight.  Never.  I seriously did WW for 6 months straight prior to pursuing WLS, never missing a weekly meeting or weigh-in, never missing a day of counting my points...and I couldn't even get below 209.  So yeah, you could say that I feel pretty proud of myself right now.  Proud, and thankful.  I think it was appropriate in a weird, cosmic sort of way that I hit goal on Thanksgiving.  This year, Thanksgiving took on a whole new meaning for me.  I really realized all of the great things I have going on in my life:  the weight loss, the renewed sense of self-worth and self-esteem, returning to school, deciding on getting my MBA, winning a scholarship, my wonderful family and friends, having a good job...just pure happiness and joy - things I never realized before now that were lacking from my life.  I'm just so damn appreciative now of all that I have, and all that I have going for me.  It amazes me on so many levels how much the DS has changed me and my outlook on life.  I always thought of myself as a fairly happy, upbeat kind of person...but now, I don't think I really was.  Now, I think that I was a person who was going through the motions for the benefit of other people, trying to keep up a facade.  I think, deep down, that I was pretty miserable with myself and my life...with the limitations that obesity put on me.  Thank you, DS, for setting me free!

Here it is, the end of September...already!!  This year is just flying by for me.  Today I weighed in at 147lbs., which is my lowest to date.  Holy crap!!  I HONESTLY don't even remember the last time I weighed this much (little).  My birthday is a little over a week away - I have to go in and renew my driver's license this year.  For once, I am actually excited about the prospect.  I am not going to have to lie about my weight for the first time in my entire driving history.  Amazing!!!

I had my six month check-up at the beginning of this month, about two weeks late but my doctor had to reschedule due to his surgery schedule, so oh well.  Things are going well.  I am tweaking some things with my vitamin regimen, on the suggestion of my friend, Major Mom.  According to the doctor, of course, my labs look fine...but we all know how that is.  So far, I have been doing good with my increased intake of some vites...it gets to be such a routine, I don't even really think about it.  I guess I am not like the typical DSer, in that I don't have a "set" schedule for taking my vites, and I don't carry around a pill organizer with me wherever I go.  I don't have a set life schedule...sometimes I work morning, sometimes I work nights - so I just do what works for me on that particular day.  But I do get everything in, which is the important thing.

I've also upped my protein intake to 150-200g per day.  This is happening through increased protein shakes...aka protein coffee.  I used to drink one a day, now it's at least two, sometimes three a day.  I got a bit concerned when my doctor showed me my Tanita scale readings and we saw how much muscle mass I've lost since pre-op.  I also know I need to start working out...gah!  I've never been a workout sort of person, so this is going to take some willpower from me, I guess.

Overall, I am the happiest I've ever been in my life.  I got my mid-year review a few weeks ago, and my boss commented on the big change in my demeanor in the past six months.  He said I am nicer to people, I seem more even-tempered, and I seem more willing to work as a team.  When he was telling me all that, I was like, "WTF is this guy talking about???".  So later, I was talking to one of my good friends (who also works with me) about the conversation, and she said that she can see what he's talking about, and that she chalks it up to my weightloss.  I'm like, "What?!?!" and she said that she can see a definite change in how comfortable I am with myself, and when you feel good about yourself, it changes the way you treat others.  What an eye-opener for me!!  I guess I just never realized I was projecting my unhappiness with myself onto others, particularly those that I work with.

I am so fortunate to have been able to have this life-changing surgery.  It's not all about the weightloss.  It's not all about the better health.  There's just so many things that obesity affects in our lives that we don't even fully comprehend...until we don't have them hanging over our heads anymore.  I can't say this enough - I LOVE MY DS!

I am creeping up on 5 months out from surgery.  Time goes by so fast!!  I am loving life more than I have ever before.  The DS is the best decision I have ever made for myself, hands down.  This morning I weighed in at 160 lbs., and my BMI is now 25.8.  I am almost out of the overweight category on the BMI charts!!!  My size 10s are getting loose, so it's going to be shopping time again soon.  I actually LIKE shopping these days, other than knowing that the stuff I buy today is probably not going to fit me for very long.  Oh well, I can deal with it.  That was a hard thing for me at first as I started sliding down the scales...but I got over it.  It's so much easier to find clothes now, and I am finding some incredible deals, so I'm not even freaking out about the cost anymore.  I found some jeans at Old Navy a couple of weeks ago on clearance for like $2!!  No joke.  I bought two pairs in a size 8, knowing that I will eventually be able to wear them. 

The best part of the DS, for me at least, is that I don't feel like I had surgery.  I eat pretty much whatever I want to, whenever I want to.  I don't feel guilty about food anymore, and I don't feel deprived.  I'm not dieting for the first time in my adult life...and I continue to lose weight.  I have been lucky in that I really haven't had to watch my carbs, although if I over-indulge, I get gas.  So my body tells me when I've had enough, and I can deal with that.  I finally feel like a "normal" person.  It's so strange...I never consciously felt like people treated me differently or badly when I was morbidly obese, but now I do feel like people treat me better/differently.  I'm not bitter about it, I just think it's odd.

I am actually enjoying my summer this year - I am not all hot and sweaty all of the time, and I actually have energy to do things.  My back and my hips don't hurt all of the time.  I don't feel self-conscious about my size or how I look.  I took my son to an amusement park/water park last week, and I didn't once worry about if I was going to be able to fit on a ride or if I looked like shit in my bathing suit.  I didn't worry about what other people thought of how I looked or what I was eating.  I just had fun...and it was so freeing!

I thank my lucky stars every day for the people I have met on OH who helped guide me towards the DS.  I wonder how much different my life would be right now if I had chosen a different surgery.  I know that everyone has a different surgery type that is right for them...the DS is perfect for me, and there isn't a thing I would change about this whole experience, other than I wish I would have been able to do it years ago.

I can't really believe that it's been a little over three months since my surgery already.  And I haven't posted a blog once since surgery!!  Ugh, I am neglectful.  Honestly, it just feels like I've been so busy living my life, that I haven't really thought about it much.  I'm not even totally obsessed with OH anymore like I was pre-op.  I usually still pop on at least once a day, but I used to spend hours on here reading and reading...my, how things change!

As of this morning, I weigh 172.0 lbs.  That is 77 lbs. down from my highest weight; 61 lbs. down from the day of surgery.  My lab rat data:  http://www.epursimuove.com/ds/view_profile.asp?dsID=1466&dsName=Heather E.  puts me at 60% EWL.  I am just in awe.  I am about 30 lbs. from goal in only 3 months!  How awesome is that?!?!  I now am wearing a size 12, and that is getting to be too big for me.  It's getting time to go shopping, but shopping is in a way kind of depressing for me right now.  This is because I am kind of a cheapskate at heart, and I really don't like the idea of spending money on clothes that are probably not going to fit me for long.  I bought two pairs of jean capris back in April, and I just gave them away to one of my employees because I shrank out of them in a month.  Ridiculous!!  And I really liked them, so that makes me sad.  I never, ever thought I'd be sad about shrinking out of clothes. 

The DS is completely wonderful.  Seriously!  I have had so few issues, that they're pretty much non-issues.  I had a pretty quick recovery - was back to work after three weeks out.  I think going back to work helped me heal and feel better quicker.  I had problems at first getting my fluids in - water, for some reason, really hurt my tummy.  I had a little break down one day because I was just really thirsty and couldn't drink water.  Honestly though, that has been my only real emotional moment.  After I could start tolerating water, things got better for me in a hurry.  I don't really have any food issues other than bread is really not my friend yet, and pizza causes me terrible gastritis.  I went to the ER once back in May cause I thought I had an obstruction - it was the absolute worst pain I've ever felt in my life - but it was gastritis.  Didn't, at that point, know that pizza had caused it.  A week later, had pizza again, woke up in the morning with that horrible pain again...had a "DOH!!" moment, took some pain meds, and was good to go.  No more pizza for me, no more gastritis!  Other than that, I pretty much eat what I want, but as of late, have decided that I need to start watching my carbs a bit more.  I've been in a little stall for about a month now, not a complete stall, but the scale has stopped moving rapidly...so, I'm going to try the low-carb thing and see if that helps.  I'm not too worried about it, cause hey, I'm only 3 months out - I can't be done losing yet!  But even if I were, I am so thankful and happy with where I'm at.  I feel great, I'm looking good, and I'm just overall really happy.  This DS thing is the best thing I have ever done for myself, hands down.