Happy New Year!!
(Yea, I'm 18 days late--sue me.)
I have to finish up my "Aunt Amy" story--I actually PROMISED someone that I would, and I FAILED to do so--please forgive me--but this time of the year is ALWAYS hectic for me--especially since my winter hobby is in full swing--which reminds me--MY TAILBONE HURTS! one of the drawbacks of the surgery, you ask? LESS PADDING!!
Anyway---small funny story that I need to document: but before I do--all is well, maintaining my weight and doing really bad with vitamins. REALLY BAD. it's a shame that I only want to take 'em for self-serving reasons of the VAIN kind when I should simply be doing it for self-serving reasons of the HEALTH kind. Word to the wise---if you're like me in regards to not being on top of your vitamin game, strategically place them EVERYWHERE. I have a bottle on my desk at the job, one in the car and one in the medicine cabinet--that SHOULD cover everything, but alas, it does not. 

...Now If I could only find a way to strap them to my snowboard....


Also...I need assistance on the water thing as well. Picked up a SURE FIRE way to do so from someone on the board--(Thanks Plum--you're the best!!) My friend Plum informed me that she coincides her water intake at the job with every time that the phone rings. THAT'S ingenious! (Granted, it doesn't really work if there isn't WATER AT MY DESK....but that can be worked on as well!!) I've also refrained from buying drinks--I'm GOING to get thirsty--so this will also "aid me in my quest for increased water consumption". (yea--call it what you want/describe it however you like, JUST DO MORE OF IT!!)

Okay--where was I?
            Oh yes...the story.

Okay--So I HARDLY dump. (Granted--this doesn't mean that I eat sweets on the regular--that has a LOT to do with WHY I don't dump!!) but I AM able to enjoy certain things without suffering like most of you have described. SO--my vice? POP-TARTS. No toaster needed--I'm talkin STRAIGHT OUT THE WRAPPER. So, naturally, I will buy them on occasion (who am I kidding? since when did "on occasion" amount to "daily"? However it'll be a meal, not a dessert or appetizer. I hardly eat--I have to remind myself because I DON'T GET HUNGRY. So--I make sure it's always on the shopping list.

Okay--so I've been told lately that I "eat all the pop-tarts".

"Papi, did you eat all the pop-tarts?"
"Michael--where are all the pop-tarts?"

Mind you--THEY ONLY WANT THEM WHEN I DO!!!!!!! Other than that, THEY SIT THERE!! (okay--no, not for VERY LONG, but they STILL SIT THERE!! and they just call out to me!!!

So.....now?--My pop-tart consumption is SCRUTINIZED.
So..... I leave the house to go to the night job last night AND I GET FRISKED FOR POP-TARTS!!

FRISKED!!!

by not TWO, but FOUR hands!!

FRISKED!!
and I'm like--"WHAT THE?!?!?!"

and it's like--they PLANNED it!!

(and okay--they found them, but STILL!!! That's BESIDES the point!!)

So--I'm like "OMIGOSH, WHAT ARE Y'ALL DOING?!?!"

In unison: "We're checking you for Pop-Tarts!!"

Carmen: "Here they are!! I KNEW I heard that distinctive wrinkling sound!!"

(It does have a distinctive wrinkle--can't they shrink-wrap them or something? That preserves flavor too!!)

Okay--so I'm caught--but I'll be damned if I don't give up those Pop-tarts without a fight!!--I mean--they were STRAWBERRY for crying out loud!!

But I can't fight them.
But I CAN distract them--that ALWAYS works.
(but damn! I'm fresh outta smoke bombs and my web shooters are on "E".)

LAUGHTER is the best medicine, and it has NEVER let me down--so I gotta think quick!

So I let it out.
(NO, NOT A FART!)

I say: "What are y'all? the "POP TART POLICE?!?!"

(and we ALL crack up!!)

....They're laughing so hard, that they forget to restrain and cuff me...


...and I make a quick getaway!!

(They were STRAWBERRY Pop-Tarts!!)

STRAWBERRY.

(Have a good day, everyone.)