Really caught up in the holiday rush--forgive me!!

"Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that. "

"People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think."

"If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little."

"Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist."

                                                       --George Carlin--Comedic Genius

I'm going "off the head" with today's entry, people--a little bit of this, a little bit of that. If you get to the end, and you were even MILDLY amused, I've achieved my task. If not--come back a couple of days from now--put it on my tab.


1.) People are still amazed when I inform them that I've undergone gastric bypass surgery. They're either amazed or don't believe AT ALL. Which I find SO amusing. 

2.) Quote for the day (feel free to use when necessary):
"Just because you pour syrup on it, doesn't make it pancakes."
Meaning: Looks can be decieving.
Origin: Pete Rock and C.L. Smooth, MECCA AND THE SOUL BROTHER, 1992


3.) True story....
Last Saturday, My Aunt Amy (the self-proclaimed Dutchess of Harlem) celebrated...get this...her 101st birthday.
                               (SO Gangsta.)
Notice how I DIDN'T simply say ..."it was her birthday"--I said she celebrated her 101st birthday. Aunt Amy is ALL THERE. and you CAN'T TELL her that she's NOT all that--she's the (self proclaimed) Dutchess of Harlem, for cryin' out loud!!!--how can she NOT be all that? She made sure she was in a FLY jumpsuit .(orange CORDUROY jumpsuit....) 


I don't think you heard me...
I don't think you've FULLY GRASPED the IDEA....i said:
 
ORANGE. 
                     CORDUROY. 
                                                JUMPSUIT.

(she's one hundred and ONE. She didn't come downstairs in a ROBE. she came downstairs in a JUMPSUIT. 


...with KICKS on. 


(sureshesinawheelchairbutthatsbesidethepoint)

At one hundred and one--that is SO gangsta.

Anyway...
I've respected Aunt Amy's gangsta from DAY ONE.

(Sidebar: We've all heard about the "dirty old man" in the nursing home--My Aunt Amy is the "dirty old lady"--the MEN can't keep up with her!)

At her celebration, as always--she looked me up and down, gave me her stamp of approval and asked me: "what'd you start with?"

me: "The belt."
AA: "When did you start?"
me: "This morning, Aunt Amy."
AA: " WHEN this morning?"
me: "at the closet."
AA: ".......Did you teach your daughter yet?"
me: "Not yet, Dutchess--she wears a uniform."
AA: "Every---"
me: "No--not everyday, Aunt Amy. Pardon me for cutting you off."
AA: (smiling) "I thought so. Don't wait 'til it's too late."
me: "I won't Aunt Amy---I promise."

Aunt Amy was instrumental in bringing a LOT of her family here to the United States. A lot of her family that are still alive are NOT all THERE. Age has overcome them, whether it be their bodies or their minds or in many cases, BOTH. But Aunt Amy....is still. ALL. THERE. (and still pushes herself in her wheelchair) and her brain is STILL as sharp....AS IT EVER WAS.

Her niece, my grand-aunt, is in the SAME nursing home. Only she's not aware of it. I believe Aunt Amy visits her from time to time.

but Aunt Amy.....is still...ALL THERE.

About 10 years ago, I sat down in Aunt Amy's room (when she lived with us) and asked her about her mental state, if she worried about losing it one day, yadda, yadda, yadda.

She told me that if it happened, it happened.
...but she would attempt to do everything in her power to prolong that day from actually coming--and in fact--she had started A LONG TIME AGO. "...before your ass was even born" I believe were her EXACT words.

So...I asked...."HOW?"

(And the rest of the story will be revealed at a later time, cause I'm TIRED. I promise to continue it...just not now. To those of you that have informed me that you look forward to my writings, thank you for your inspiration--I PROMISE to continue this story--THIS is a GOOD ONE.)

Please say a prayer for my Aunt Amy.
I love you, Aunt Amy.

**phone ringing**
Munch:"Hi Papi!"
Papi: "Hey baby girl--how'd you know it was me?"
Munch: "Mami told me."
Papi: "Okay--I'm almost home, mama--I'll see you in a little while. You okay?"
Munch:"yes."
Papi: "okay--Good morning, I love you!"
Munch: "I love you too, papi."
Papi: "okay, mama--tell Mami that I'm getting off the highway--and could you tell her to bring down some lotion and a pair of sweats?"
Munch: "okay--(**yells**): "Mami, Papi says that he gettin' off the highway and can you bring him some lotion and a pair of sweats."
Mami: "okay."
Munch: "are you here, papi?"
Papi: "Not yet, mama--I'm still driving there!"
Mami: "ask him what color!"
Munch: "What color, papi?"
Papi: "any color, mama--preferably black, though."
(short pause)
Munch:"Pref-fur-vee...."
Mami: "What?"
Papi: "Preferably. preferably black."
Munch: "pref...vur...flee..."
Mami: "whaaaaaaaat?!?!"
Papi: "Preferably--Pref..
Munch: "Pref..."
Papi: "...fur..."
Mami: "oh! PREFERABLY!!"
Munch: "yea, THAT!"
Papi: "No!!! 'Yea, that'--say it!"
Mami: "...preferably what?"
Munch: "black."
Papi: "Pref..."
Munch: "Papi!"
Papi: "..PREF...!"
Munch: "pref.."
Papi: "Fur.."
Munch: .."fur..."
Mami: I got it!"
Papi: "..FUR..."
Munch: "..fur..."
Papi: "...BLEE"
Munch: "..Blee."
Papi: "Preferably."
Munch: "pref--fur--bly."
Papi: "preferably."
Munch: "preferably."
Papi: "Good! Preferably. It means...'anything is okay, but if I have to choose I'd choose...' whatever you'd like better. okay?"
Munch: "okay."
Papi: "Preferably. use it in a sentence--it means 'anything is okay, but if I have to choose, I'd choose....whatever.' You understand, mama?
Munch: "I think so, papi."
Papi: okay--use it in a sentence."




Munch: " I preferably want to get off the phone right now."

LONG PAUSE.