God bless you on
your surgery day! I
pray for an
and speedy recovery.
Yes, we are going a
day apart. and yes,
we both live in NJ I
see. Well, ok
posative, I know we
are both going to do
Tuesday is your day!
Just remember you
are on the journey
of a lifetime. Try
to enjoy every
minute. It may sound
weird now, but know
that you are cared
for and prayed for
here, and all too
soon this will be
but a memory and you
will be an
someone else. I am
waiting for you on
the losers' bench! ~
I just had my 4 year serology and all of my nutrient levels were very good. In fact my blood work is that of a much younger healthy woman according to my doctor if one looks at inflammatory protein markers etc. Several people requested my supplementation plan so I thought I'd just put it here.
B12 - 5000 mcg sublinqual
Calium Citrate + Vit D3 - 1000 mgs/800 IU
Calcium Gummies (tricalcium Phosphate) - 1000 Mgs, 500 mgs, 125 mgs phosphate)
Super C - 1000 mgs
Vit E - dry form - 400 iu
Valerian - 125 mgs
Biotin - 5 mg
Calcium/Mag/Zinc combo - 1000mg/400/115 - this is a carbonate form - take it for the bound magnesium and zinc
CoQ10 - 100 mgs
Alpha Lipoic Acid - 100 mgs
Michael Murray - Woman's Multistart plus (perimmenopausal)
Evening Primrose OIl - 500 mgs
Vit D3 - dry form - 1000 iu
Glucosamine/Condroitin - 500/400 mgs
Complete Omega 3 complex
The alpha lipoic and evening primrose oil are believed to be beneficial for peripheral neuropathy - which I had preop - diabetes - and can develop postop due to depletion of fat soluable vitamins
I take Vit D in several forms because I always had trouble carrying adequate levels.....this seems to be working.
I also take calcium in several forms for the same reason and my numbers are holding well.
The thing is, we, as obese individuals, had a BROKEN hunger mechanism. If it worked right, we probably wouldn't have needed surgery. BEING broken, means that the surgery might be the ONLY chance you have to figure out how YOUR hunger mechanism is broken, and work to fix it.
SOME people ate whenever they felt hungry, even though in truth their body was telling them they were thirsty. SOME ate in response to emotional turmoil. SOME interpret the growling stomach as hunger (my stomach growled CONSTANTLY for three months postop).
One of the greatest strengths of this surgery is the ability to sit back and say "YOU AREN'T hunger" and try to pinpoint what it is that is making you hungry. Is it that you always ate at a particular part of the day? Or you ate when you watched a specific show on television? Is it thirst? Is it just habit? The more you are able to get a handle on the WHY of your hunger mechanism, the more power YOU have OVER the hunger, and the less power he hunger has to control you. DENY it power, GIVE yourself power. As you eat in response to the rules, because the rules are the most important in the beginning, just know that you have power. When your nerves start to function again (for me they began to really work at 6 months, and seemed fully functional by 9 months) it became clear to me that hunger was a sensation I'd never understood or known. The same can be said of "Full".... our sensation of FULL was something that was also broken, and learning what your NEW full signal is will help you to control overeating.
Having said all of that, I've known some folks who don't agree with my perspective. I certainly don't have all the answers. But I DO know that learning WHAT made me hungry..... what WASN'T a hunger signal but I thought it was, and learning what a true hunger signal was helped me to have confidence and peace in this process.
Seems like a good time to reflect on things. I have a great deal to be grateful for - in spite of being stunned and heartbroken at the moment. My health and weight are amazing. I am strong and fit and focused. I decided to train for a half-marathon this spring and having that goal pushed me hard this morning at the gym (I was down one pound in spite of Thanksgiving yesterday!). While my family is gone I am surrounded by loving friends and will get through the holidays intact I think. Yesterday was the second anniversary of my mother's death. It seems longer in some ways. I so miss the daily morning phone calls. Nobody cared as much about the events of my life as my mother. Her unconditional love was a cherished gift. I miss her.
Matthew (Georgia Boy) is a constant positive friend in my life. I no longer think about a romantic future with him. The distance proved to be too much to overcome. I've had problems with an unbalanced young man from my gym - I've had to file a restraining order as he has threatened me. Matthew has been attentive and supportive and willing to calm me at night when my fear overtakes. I was so lucky to find him and am grateful that we remain friends.
My relationship with Sky is in flux - right now a very painful place. His plans to come east are on hold - combination of the economy and business issues...and a realization that he no longer wants to continue this business anyway. He announced all this last week to me and when I asked what it meant regarding us he became frustrated and has withdrawn as he needs time to think about his future. I am broken right now over it. His willingness to talk through any issue was something I valued so much (something my husband and I never managed to learn to do). Now he is unwilling to talk and I'm feeling quite lost. I know that I will eventually settle and accept this shift, but right now it is acute. I'm focusing on keeping myself healthy - trying to sleep (sleep has never returned to normal since my WLS), eating well (I'm not eating enough) and training hard (I'm rehabbing a torn shoulder ligament so can't do everything I used to do in the gym). I have control over very little in my life.....so I'm trying to let go of those things outside of my control.....and focus on those things I do have choice about.
At my worst moments I remember how far I've come. How different my life is now. That today I am healthy and have the tools to stay strong. I pray each day for focus...and guidance.....and peace with how things emerge.
I just completed OH's support group leader training and the group I wanted to start has been launched. In addition to the obvious topics of nutrition and fitness (the former discussed liberally on the main boards, the latter less so), I want to really explore the emotional and spiritual aspects of wellness. We focus so much on the number on the scale and the size of our clothes, but WLS has brought me so much more. One of the thing that seems to derail many of us from making the best choices is the introduction of new stresses to our lives. Post after post will refer to some new stressful life event and how that has led to the resumption of old behaviors. Because my own life became more stressful than at any other time in my life over the past year and a half - I understand well how easy it is to slip back into old patterns, but thankfully, I have a few new tools in my arsenal to confront the stress and anxiety of a life in constant flux. Durable change is challenging and the process is never easy - but I do think it is pretty simple. We choose. We choose to do the best for ourselves be it make the best nutritional choices, choose to move our body, choose to initiate or end relationships as we need to, choose to live our truth and really face our pain and our fear. I chose the woman warrior as my icon because the warrior shows courage.....courage in the face of great fear. I think we make the assumption that some of us are braver than others, or more disciplined, or move motivated. The warrior finds discipine through pain, and courage through fear. A warrior does it anyway. Hard or not. I spent much of my life avoiding hard things. I avoided moving my body, or dealing with my feelings of grief or anger. Those avoidances lead me on a path where my weight was literally killing me. I was given the miracle of a second chance. I buried my sister last year who is a constant reminder of the path I was on. So now....I choose the warriors path. Join me if you think you're truly ready to commit to your own well-being.
I guess it's time to tackle this task. I have surgery scheduled for February 6th and I am filled with anticipation and anxiety. I've been fat since I was 9 years old. My sister was diagnosed with insulin dependent diabetes when she was six and I was four and her childhood was rough as a result....and apparently so was mine although you would have never known it. The only thing that was wrong with me was that I ate...too much. Years later in therapy I learned that I was subconsciously trying to achieve what she had - the attention of the whole family as she struggled with her illness. A childhood desire completely non-rational and dangerous. I was 200 pounds in highschool - 230 a the end of my freshman year in college. I remember a family picture taken at that time. I loved the dress I wore, my hair was gorgeous, my makeup skillfully applied and when the proofs came I didn't recognize that person. Who was that fat girl. My whole childhood my overweight grandmother and aunts, and my overweight parents encouraged me to diet.....they were loving but misguided. They would suggest diets but never try one themselves, so eating became an act of defiance as well. My clever aunt Tory asked me to accompany her to a weight loss clinic when I was 20 - to make sure she didn't sign up for a program that was a waste of money (she appealed to my intelligence and judgement and never mentioned that maybe I would benefit as well). Well, it worked - we both joined and I lost 80 pounds....a 500 calorie a day diet - daily weighins....I went on to loose another 30 pounds and I went from a fat girl to a hottie. I moved to NYC to go to graduate school and I lived 12 years as a normal weight person - I dated, had a great time - ran all over NYC in high heels - don't know how I did that. Met my husband...sweet sweet man, left the city for the suburbs and a new job with a lot of stress. I blame being happily married for the first 15 pounds I gained, the new job for another 15 or so.....25 or so on top of that for moving out of NYC where I walked everywhere to a life out of a car, and well.....100 pounds overweight again by the age of 40. I lost some beloved ones in my life, the job stresses were enormous and all the frustration and emotionally filled compulsive eating returned. My health started to fail (it's much harder being fat in your 40s than it is in your 20s.....my joints were older, my energy level poorer). I developed diabetes at 43 (just like my dad who died a miserable death due to complications from diabetes he developed at that same age). I was finally a member of the diabetes club in my family - both parents, my sister....and it brought no satisfaction. My husband watched as I got weaker and suffered from one complication after another (horrible staph infections, neuropathy in my feet). I was so chronically sick I had to go part time with my job. Forgot to mention - in 2000, when I was 40, I decided to pursue WLS - they had just started to do the RNY laparoscopically and an eager young surgeon was eager to helpe me - I was turned down. While I qualified with a BMI of 40, I had no significant co-morbidities. In three years I would develop several - diabetes, hypertension, hypercholesterolemia/triglycerides, fatty liver. So here I am.....a few weeks before surgery. I view my relationship with food as a bad marriage - I adore it, but it is dangerous for me - I talk about food with my mom everyday (a two time cancer survivor who is on hemodialysis three days a week) we watch Food TV across the miles and talke about recipes. She's nervous about this for me but knows I'm tired of the illness and the struggle. I'm lucky. WLS is offering me the first real hope in years that I will be able to be healthy again. I gain so much from reading the profiles and posts of everybody here.