ObesityHelp

This has been the hardest and at the same time the most wonderful period of time I've ever been through. My 50 year old sister died a few weeks ago - my previous post described what happened to her. After her suffering for 11 weeks in the ICU - with no hope of receiving a heart transplant - her death was a godsend. I was on my way back to Pittsburgh to be there as she was disconnected from all life support - and God love her she died on her own before I got there. She spared me from the hardest thing I ever would have had to do. I miss her. I'm grateful her suffering is over. I've decided that my marriage is over - my husband is a nice man but our marriage has not been a healthy one - and after months of therapy I have the clarity I sought that I am best on my own. I'm nervous about the future - but frankly excited as well. My health is outstanding. I'm working with my trainer three days a week - in the gym every day - the 42 mile bike marathon is this weekend - I have no idea if I have it in me to complete it - but I'm sure going to try. I've pushed myself to do things I never thought possible - so I'm trying to be open to taking on things that I fear I might not succeed at. I've learned the concept of 'enough' in therapy - it may be enough that I try my best with the marathon. I've done 'enough' for my sister when she needed me that I don't have to feel guilt the rest of my life that I wasn't able to do more for her. I gave my marriage 'enough' of a chance - and now it's ok to move on. I've found solace in new friends - in yoga - in trying to do something new every day that I find hard - biking in traffic was scary - I bike in traffic every day now - I got a tattoo!!!!! the chinese character for change - I was always afraid of the pain - it did hurt like hell - but I look at it everyday and it reminds me that anything is possible if you put your mind to it. A friend disappointed me today and I have to admit I felt very sad for a while - but then I told myself - he gives me as much as he can - I value what he does give me - and I have to let go of expectations for more - it does me no good to want things from people they don't have to give. Each day is a gift........each day presents a new chance and I'm going to make sure that each day is something I'm proud of - living with challenge and honesty and no regrets. Susan