ObesityHelp

Seems like a good time to reflect on things.  I have a great deal to be grateful for - in spite of being stunned and heartbroken at the moment.   My health and weight are amazing. I am strong and fit and focused.   I decided to train for a half-marathon this spring and having that goal pushed me hard this morning at the gym (I was down one pound in spite of Thanksgiving yesterday!).   While my family is gone I am surrounded by loving friends and will get through the holidays intact I think.  Yesterday was the second anniversary of my mother's death.  It seems longer in some ways.  I so miss the daily morning phone calls.  Nobody cared as much about the events of my life as my mother.  Her unconditional love was a cherished gift.  I miss her.

Matthew (Georgia Boy) is a constant positive friend in my life.    I no longer think about a romantic future with him.   The distance proved to be too much to overcome.  I've had problems with an unbalanced young man from my gym - I've had to file a restraining order as he has threatened me.  Matthew has been attentive and supportive and willing to calm me at night when my fear overtakes.  I was so lucky to find him and am grateful that we remain friends.

My relationship with Sky is in flux - right now a very painful place.  His plans to come east are on hold - combination of the economy and business issues...and a realization that he no longer wants to continue this business anyway.   He announced all this last week to me and when I asked what it meant regarding us he became frustrated and has withdrawn as he needs time to think about his future.   I am broken right now over it.   His willingness to talk through any issue was something I valued so much (something my husband and I never managed to learn to do).   Now he is unwilling to talk and I'm feeling quite lost.  I know that I will eventually settle and accept this shift, but right now it is acute.  I'm focusing on keeping myself healthy - trying to sleep (sleep has never returned to normal since my WLS), eating well (I'm not eating enough) and training hard (I'm rehabbing a torn shoulder ligament so can't do everything I used to do in the gym).  I have control over very little in my life.....so I'm trying to let go of those things outside of my control.....and focus on those things I do have choice about.

At my worst moments I remember how far I've come.  How different my life is now.  That today I am healthy and have the tools to stay strong. I pray each day for focus...and guidance.....and peace with how things emerge.   

I just completed OH's support group leader training and the group I wanted to start has been launched. In addition to the obvious topics of nutrition and fitness (the former discussed liberally on the main boards, the latter less so), I want to really explore the emotional and spiritual aspects of wellness.  We focus so much on the number on the scale and the size of our clothes, but WLS has brought me so much more.   One of the thing that seems to derail many of us from making the best choices is the introduction of new stresses to our lives. Post after post will refer to some new stressful life event and how that has led to the resumption of old behaviors.  Because my own life became more stressful than at any other time in my life over the past year and a half - I understand well how easy it is to slip back into old patterns, but thankfully, I have a few new tools in my arsenal to confront the stress and anxiety of a life in constant flux.  Durable change is challenging and the process is never easy - but I do think it is pretty simple.   We choose.  We choose to do the best for ourselves be it make the best nutritional choices, choose to move our body, choose to initiate or end relationships as we need to, choose to live our truth and really face our pain and our fear.    I chose the woman warrior as my icon because the warrior shows courage.....courage in the face of great fear.  I think we  make the assumption that some of us are braver than others, or more disciplined, or move motivated.   The warrior finds discipine through pain, and courage through fear.  A warrior does it anyway.  Hard or not.  I spent much of my life avoiding hard things.  I avoided moving my body, or dealing with my feelings of grief or anger.  Those avoidances lead me on a path where my weight was literally killing me.  I was given the miracle of a second chance.    I buried my sister last year who is a constant reminder of the path I was on.  So now....I choose the warriors path.    Join me if you think you're truly ready to commit to your own well-being.