Yeah, I have had a bit of a rough time of it.  Guess I should have blogged through all of my feelings, and planned to, it just didn't happen.  I am feeling so much better today, so I doubt I can even convey what I was feeling last week, but I will try:

I miss food!  That is about the jist of it.  I feel super deprived, even though I am not hungry.  I just want a big fat gooey slice of hamburger pizza and a huge diet coke.  Problem is, I got depressed about money, and realized that I have NO vices left.  I can't eat, can't smoke, can't carb out and fall asleep like I used to. 

"Isn't that what you wanted?" you may ask.  Of course it is, but the reality is very difficult to prepare for ahead of time.  I thought I was as researched, committed, prepared, etc. as can be.  I was, but the reality hits you hard.  I know hormones play a big part, they are going crazy (pun?) right now.  I understand that, it just doesn't seem to help get past it. 

I am glad to say that period was short lived.  I guess about 2-3 days of weepiness.  I am SO much better now.  Got to eat my 1/2 egg this morning, got the staples out, went shopping for some supplies.  All of this helped tremendously. 

So, I am now going to focus on introducing foods and seeing what I can tolerate.  This should be fun....

It is Saturday night, and I have been on clear liquids all day today.  Not too bad, actually.  I feel for the folks who had to do this for two weeks or longer pre-op, though.  I am in good spirits, just a bit worried because I started getting sick yesterday...tight chest, cough, so I have been dosing up on Zicam, Mucinex, Vit. C and Echinacea to ward off anything too serious.  I will be incredibly devastated if my surgery is put off because I am sick.  My chest is better today, so I am hopeful that all signs of illness will be gone by Monday morning.  My 3 year old is sick now, too, and it is so hard not to be giving him the usual mommy kisses all over his sweet little face! 

I am ready to start my new RNY life!

Today I woke up feeling quite anxious about my surgery.  I am worried about my self-discipline, as that is obviously what has gotten me where I am today.  I am very ready to have this surgery, and to get rid of the diabetes, lose weight, feel better, live longer, have more engery, etc., I just fear self-sabotoge.  I am also concerned about the impact the surgery will have on my marriage, because I am sure I won't be all friendly and smiles when DH is eating a QP meal from McDonald's (or something similar), and I am having my two tablespoons of cottage cheese, ya know?
I know this surgery is a huge gift, and I really really want it, I just know that I will have struggles, and I can't just "change my mind"....which I guess is why I decided to have it in the first place!  I know this is just pre-surgery jitters....just wanted to get my thoughts down and talk myself through it. 

Wow..just realized that I hadn't blogged in a long time!  I was approved for surgery on 10/8, and received my surgery date of 12/1/08....WOOHOO!  Here is my post from the day I got my date:

I will be having surgery 12/1/08....WOOT-WOOT! 
Later than I had hoped, but that's how it goes.  After all it takes to get to this point, I was surprised by everything else I have to have done before surgery!  And I thought the hard part was behind me...ha! 
I have to get Pulmonary and Cardiac clearance, have an EGD so surgeon can check out my anatomy (and check for H-Pylori), pre-op lab work and anesthesia interview, and last Dr. visit before surgery.  I will be one busy chick this next month and a half!! 

ETA:  I forgot to add the Preop Education Class, and Physical Therapy Class that I have to attend! 

I feel very confident in my surgeon, and know he wants to cover all bases before I go under.  It has just been a long journey, and I am so ready to begin my new healthy life!  I have truly learned patience throughout this process, and I get to practice a bit more...no big deal in the grand scheme of things, I know. 

So, I completed the cardiac clearance today.  It was major!  They did an EKG, then an echocardiagram (sp?), then shot me up with radioactive dye and took pictures of my heart.  Today was the second half, walking on the treadmill, getting my heart rate up to 154 for two minutes (about killed me!!!), gettnig shot up with more dye, and then having more pictures taken.  They will only call if there are problems, so let's hope not to hear back from them!!  I have my pre-op education and physical therapy classes this afternoon, and pulmonary appointment tomorrow.  I am getting there!!