In the past people have said that with me what you see is what you get and that I'm sometimes spontaneous for no reason at all. Some say I'm simple, easy to please and helplessly poetic. Others say that I'm deep and often too sensitive. By my own admission I am complex to say the least, diverse and high maintenance. My husband says he loves me most for my gentle heart. Unfortunately it is often our greatest strength that is also our greatest weakness.

Life has thrown me a few fast balls and I suppose trust isnt something I have an abundance of when it comes to people. Yet I try not to lose heart, I renew my faith daily, both in God and man and I reach out. I think I am the happiest and feel the most accomplishment when I am making other people happy. It just feels so good to make someone else feel special, to let them know they matter to someone in this world. I think if more people would think and do more for those around them it could change so many things. 

I suppose the one thing I would like people to know about me is I AM an optimist. If I'm being honest I'd have to say I dont always walk that talk, I am human and often falter. Yet, no matter what is going wrong, on the inside I hold strong and truly believe that someday somehow, inspite of the panic and the tears that things will eventually get better if only for a little while. I believe things happen for a reason and that we may never know the answer to why but no matter how hard life knocks me down I eventually get back up and my faith remains unchanged. I have a tremendous amount of faith in God and know that Jesus is the only reason I'm still walking and talking. 

I have three beautiful girls. A gorgeous eighteen year old that is a senior in high school. She always keeps me guessing but I counldn't be more proud to call her mine. Then four years later I had twins who are going to be fourteen this year. I have homeschooled them all in the past but the twins are venturing off into high school soon, so my life is about to drastically change. My kids are my whole world and have been the focus of my existence for so long its strange to think of spending my days any other way. 

I've been married for nearly 18 years now. My husband is a dedicated soldier. He is incredibly smart, faithful, responsible, affectionate and honest (often brutally so). I never knew a man so willing to work so hard to provide for his family. While there are plenty of days I would like to ring his neck I have to admit that to step back and look at his character makes me very proud. Serving under Uncle Sam we have moved at least nine different times over the years and seen alot of the amazing scenery this country has to offer. Some people think I'm crazy but when you move you learn to only hold onto the truly important stuff and seeing all sites of this country just keeps you in check as to how small we truly are in the grand scale of things. 

The last few years have just been a whirlwind the stresses of life tend to wear you down and so you scream, you cry, you cuss and then you just breathe. In the quiet moments you begin to put things into perspective and just when you think you can look up again one thing or another sets you back. So I'm just living one day at a time trying figure out what's next day to day. I may struggle but my faith does not waiver. I talk to God daily and I believe He still walks with me. While I may be cracked and bent, I am not broken. I am just getting by trying to make everyday a little better. On the days that I am not forced to live in a medicated fog with all my health issues I am trying to make decisions that will improve the future of me and my family. 

The first step I think is getting myself together with what I have left. I am working with the doctors and doing all that they tell me will give me the best quality of life. I am hopefully making decisions that will improve me for the better. Yes I am looking at surgery but I hope in the end it will stop the pain and allow me to be done with the narcotics and medications. It really sucks knowing I take the same arthritis medication at 39 that my mother does at 76. I dont know how this will all unfold but Good Lord willing I'll let you know.