Wow - another long gap between posts.  I guess living life is better than reading about it...

I met a wonderful man in the spring (eHarmony) and in August we were engaged to be married.  George is a sensitive, thoughtful, romantic gentleman. He opens doors, buys me flowers frequently, etc. I keep waiting for the "other shoe to drop" but he assures me he has both his shoes on!  March 15th, 2008 is our big day! 

George moved in to my lake house last month, so we have been adjusting to that. It is a good change, but we are still working on the all the day to day stuff. Even better than the romance, is the fact that George is a chef by training and is willing to cook what I need to be healthy. We are still working on getting the correct portion sizes, but he is very willing to work with me on my food choices.

I'm struggling to maintain my weight while my work and personal life are getting more hectic. Part of being a "normal" person, I guess. I hope to lose about 15 lbs by January when I'm scheduled to have a breast lift and abdominal hernia repair.  The lift is strictly for ME! The girls have never been in the right place and it's about time!

It's three years now (yesterday) since I took one of the most positive actions in my life - that to have WLS.  

I can eat pretty much anything I want, but in smaller quantities than I ate before WLS.  My portion sizes are a bit bigger than my support group peers, but that has been the case from the beginning.

I've regained 12-15 lbs from my preferred weight, hanging on the +15 side after the holidays. I'm joining the millions of people trying to lose weight for the New Year, but I intend to succeed!  Maintaining a weight is MUCH more difficult than losing it was!

I know what I need to do, I just have been letting myself be undiciplined for too long. I haven't journaled my food for a couple of months and that was one of my foundations during my weight loss. I have allowed myself to have free reign of food and I know that I cannot succeed with that mind set.

Despite the small weight gain, my self esteem is better than it was before.  I have been dating a man that seemed more interested in himself than me.  I dumped him - even though he was still interested in dating.  This is something I would never have considered before the weight loss.  I now know that I deserve better!  Man # 2 treats me like a lady and seems genuinely interested in me. I will keep hime around for a while. :-) 

I'm still working with the personal trainer 2x per week.  I also did a boot camp fitness class that was offered at work. I thought I was in good shape until the boot camp! It was a nice change of pace from the gym, though, so I'm going to try it at home in addition to my gym workouts. I have a DVD that a friend gave me and I bought some resistance bands so I'm all set. More exercise should help with taking off the extra pounds.

Wow – I can’t believe it’s been so long since I updated! I am still a volunteer photo editor for Obesity Help, but I don’t go on the boards or think about updating my profile much.

I seem to be settled in between 168 and 170 lbs. Not exactly where I had hoped to end up, but certainly nothing to be unhappy about. I’m a pretty good size 12 unless it’s a fitted waist – then I sometimes need a 14. Sizes are pretty unpredictable, though, since I still have some 10s that fit fine.

I’ve seen some old food/eating habits return and I’m sure they will be a lifelong battle. I like sweets and carbs, but can’t have them as much as I would like. I am able to eat more than I think I should, so I have to watch that also. I know it’s much less than I ate pre-op, but it’s scary. I worry that I’m eating too much and stretching out the pouch that will result in more weight gain…

I’ve come to terms with the fact that I will always be diabetic. I am not able to get rid of that last oral diabetes med, but one pill per day sure beats 2 shots and 4 pills! I try to be faithful in getting my vitamins and minerals in. I miss them once in a while, but not very often. (I saw recently, in the death of one of my support group members, the long-term effects of not getting them in. I don’t want to go there.)

I’m not satisfied with my lower body lift results, but I have to live with that too. The PS and I had words last month and could not agree on what a good outcome looked like. If I have additional surgery, it certainly won’t be with this PS, nor will I give him any referrals or positive recommendations. Certainly I am a far cry better off though – both physically and visually – than I was prior to PS.

I continue to work with the personal trainer. I’ve been with him almost 2 years and we know each other pretty well now. I need the constant accountability and I’m willing to pay for it. It’s an investment in me. (Left to my own devices, I still come up with lots of excuses not to exercise.)

Dating doesn’t seem to be any easier at size 12 than it was at 32. Makes me wonder if it’s my personality rather than my appearance… I signed up for eHarmony last month and so far none of my matches have clicked. It’s a “safe” way to start practicing with dating, since I have the dating experience of a preadolescent.

I saw someone today that I hadn't seen since WLS. It was kind of fun to have that positive reinforcement that was so plentiful in the first year. Next week I have an appointment at work with a vendor that I haven't seen in 8 years. That will probably be an ego-lifting experience too.

I made it through the holidays, but I’m struggling with a 6 lb weight gain. I want to get it under control now, before it becomes 10 or 15 lbs. That was my old method of dealing with it – “it’s only 5 pounds… it’s only 20 lbs…” My size 12 pants are getting uncomfortable in the waist. Five pounds makes a lot bigger difference at this size than it did when I was larger.

I am trying to reduce my carb and calorie intake. My protein intake is already very high at 125 gm plus per day, but I am attempting to go back to the protein snacks instead of pretzels or junk. It has become too easy to eat sweets and other empty calories.

I am due to have my last visit with the plastic surgeon. I am unhappy with my surgery and will hopefully have the guts to confront him about it. I have a roll of skin over my belt line despite having had the extra vertical incision to remove it. I also have a bulge that he says is due to a weak abdominal wall. (I look about 4 months pregnant.) All of the PS presentations I have seen have said that repair of the abdominal muscles is part of the procedure, so why didn’t he do mine? I am actually costing him more now than if he were to redo since I attend two support groups and am one of very few people who have had PS. People ask me how satisfied I am and I tell them – then they ask who did it. If he were to fix his work, I would be less inclined to give him bad marks.

I am still working out with my trainer 2x per week and trying to get a 3rd session on my own. Since I do taxes in the winter and this is the peak of tax season, I will be lucky to just get my two visits in for the next three weeks.

I can’t believe it’s been more than 3 months since I updated my profile – time really does fly! I’m still maintaining my weight at 160, down from a high of 332.

I am able to eat pretty much anything I want, it is trying not to want it that is the problem. I track all my food in FitDay and I am eating about 2,000-2,300 cal per day. I eat an avg of 110-130 g protein per day and about 250 g carbs per day (my goal max on carbs is 200 g per the dietician). I also track my activity in FitDay and there are only rare days where my calorie intake exceeds my outgo. I eat at least 5 times a day, usually more, and this seems to work for me. Some of these “meals” are just pretzels or fruit, but the continuous calorie flow seems to keep my metabolism in higher gear than if I have long gaps between meals.

I do fight to control my sweets cravings and some days I win, some I don’t. My intake of sweets is nothing like it was pre-op, but I still wish for those early post-WLS days where they did not taste good!

I am probably 75% satisfied with my PS. I still have a diagonal roll of skin (from gallbladder surgery 20 yrs ago) that wasn’t removed and hangs over my belt. My lower abdominal area is mostly flat and free from excess skin, but there is a bulge at the belly button level that never goes away. It is larger later in the day. The PS and my new PCP both say it is not a hernia, but rather a thin area in my abdominal wall that is allowing the colon, bladder, etc. to bulge out. (I thought that the PS was supposed to tighten up these muscles during the abdominoplasty, but evidently he didn’t). My butt is better than it was, but I still have rolls of skin at the leg fold. All in all, the after PS outcome is better than without, but I think the surgeon was a bit too conservative in his skin excision.

I am continuing with my personal trainer. Some people think it’s a waste of money at this point – I know what to do after a year – but working with him keeps me showing up so to me it is worth it. The trainer does vary the routine a bit so that I don’t get bored, but he tells me he is running out of ideas since I am doing most of the advanced exercises. I have had shoulder tendonitis for about 6 months. Ortho doc gave exercises and offered cortisone injection. The exercises improved it but it would not go away. In September I went to a chiropractor and 5 sessions with him have really settled it down. I have occasional pain now, but it is much improved.

My best friend and I went on a Caribbean cruise in September. This was my reward to myself for all the accomplishments of the past two years! We were supposed to leave from New Orleans, but the hurricane hit less than two weeks before. The cruise was diverted to Galveston TX and we left on 9/11/05. The weather was perfect – not even any rough water – despite there being 5 tropical storms heading our way. Another hurricane hit Galveston less than a week after our cruise. I feel very fortunate to have been able to enjoy the cruise without bad weather – many of the others on our ship were transfers from the Carnival Cruise ships that were taken for the relief effort. During the cruise, I ate whatever I wanted, just lots less of it than before. We got a lot of exercise and I got home at the same weight I left… a major accomplishment.

I went back to work three weeks ago and the increased activity blew up my belly like a balloon. By the end of the day I look pregnant. I did call the PS back when I had gained 8 lbs in less than two weeks. (I was back to my pre-PS weight and pretty frustrated.) He was on vacation so I saw a partner and he didn't offer much in the way of help. He said it was not free fluid (like I thought) but rather just tissue swelling from going back to work. He tried aspirating at my request, but nothing came out.

I laid off the ab exercises for a week, but that didn't seem to matter, so I resumed. The trainer suggested ice and that seems to make the morning swelling a bit less, but by the end of the day I'm still pretty uncomfortable. As of today I was back under 160, but barely. My lowest weight two weeks after PS was 153.

Sweets are tasting pretty good again. I am still journaling all my food, so I write it down even if it's "bad" stuff, but I'm still eating it. Ice cream calls to me frequently. This week was my birthday and I indulged myself a lot. Next week I'm going to try to go back to protein snacks and avoid the sweets. That worked for me in the past. I don't want to lose more weight, but want to beat the cravings that are increasing. Sweets were my problem foods in the past and I don't want them to control me again!

Well, I have to go back to work tomorrow. I also have my 18 month checkup with the bariatric surgeon tomorrow and the plastic surgeon on Tuesday. I'm holding at around 156-158 lbs, depending on how much fiber I'm getting.

Being home has made food too accessible, so in that respect, going back to work will be better for me. Mentally, though, I could use a few more weeks off. I have been eating a lot of "junk" that I wasn't eating before. Ice cream (actually frozen yogurt) is especially appealing. Two support groups next week should help.

I bought some clothes two weeks ago and they were sizes 10 and 12, despite the residual belly swelling. I even bought some size 8 pants in a brand that runs big. The top of me is still around 14 or Large, so it makes some things hard to buy. I also took clothes to the alteration shop this week. They were only two months old and I thought it would be worth the expense to take them in - I didn't really think the LBL would make that big a difference in size when I bought them.

I was released to work out at the end of two weeks post-PS. (Plastic surgeon is very impressed with my recovery.) We started slowly and I was amazed at how much strength I had lost during the two weeks away. I also have tendonitis in my shoulder per the Orthopod. Who would have thunk this MO couch potato could get a sports injury! The ortho doc that I saw was the one that fixed my broken shoulder three years ago and he was amazed at my transformation.

I have been very busy with my regular job, my second (income tax) job, professional activities and working out at the gym. Somewhere I also had to work in time with family and friends.

Tomorrow is a big day - my lower body lift. After six months of waiting, I didn't think the day would ever come... I think I am looking forward to just being able to slow down for a while.

I appear to be done losing weight. I have lost only about two pounds in two months. I did, however, lose 4.5 inches off my waist in the past four months, as well as 1 off the hips and 2+ off the chest. I have visible muscles in my arms and legs and am hoping the abs will look as good after a few weeks. My goal was to have the abs as tight as possible before the LBL so they wouldn't need to do any/much muscle work.

I'm four pounds short of where I wanted to end up, but I'm certainly pleased with the outcome of my RNY, so what difference does four pounds make! I'm currently wearing mostly 14s, some 12s and I even have a size 10 dress. My upper body is out of proportion now and will be even more so after the surgery. I probably will need to consider some upper body PS if I want to be able to wear the smaller sizes. We'll see how tomorrow goes.

I am humbled again by all the people who care about me. I had lots of well wishes, calls, hugs, and emails today from friends and coworkers. Everyone at work is pitching in to cover my job while I'm gone. My current trainer gave me a hug and the old one sent flowers to my work. My mom is spending most of the week with me at my house so I don't have to go somewhere "foreign" to recover. I am blessed to have such wonderful people in my life.

I'll post more after surgery and let you know how it went.

05/15/05
I had my reduction of skin on abdomen, hips, and butt on 5/11 and came home on 5/13. I had worked out hard so I wouldn't need any muscle work and I didn't. Only complication was that my BP bottomed out for no reason. We had to wait until it got in a reasonable range before he would send me home. My hemoglobin did drop from 12.6 to 8.5, but it didn't require transfusion.

I have four drains - two front and two back. I think the two on left will come out next week, but the others will probably be with me for a while.

The pain has been much less than I expected. I had a morphine PCA pump for two days, but didn't use it much after the first day since it gave me a terrible headache. They added tylenol for the headache and that seemed to control the other pain too, so I dropped the morphine. Vicodin was good for day two, but now tylenol is adequate all the time.

Ambulation was much different than the WLS too - I wasn't allowed to have my head above 30 degs for the first day - ever try to eat laying down? - heartburn!

Be sure your hospital/surgery center is straight on the food issues prior to surgery. They didn't ask me and I assumed that the surgeon told them I was a post-RNY patient. The first meal I got was clear liquids - regular jello, popcicle, juice. Good thing I don't dump! It was too much sugar for my diabetes though... After that they switched me to a regular diet, which is 3 meals per day. I felt like I was obsessing about food since I couldn't eat much of what they served me and was always asking for extra or substitutions. The dietician finally came to see me at noon on day three - when I was going home. (AND THIS WAS A HOSPITAL I WORK FOR!)

I was prepared for a jump in weight and I sure had it. I left home at 165 and came back at 179! I'm down to 169 this morning, but know there is a lot more fluid left to shed. (They took off 8 lbs of skin and fat.)

I can look straight down to see a place that is foreign to me (and shaved from the surgery to boot) - boy is it droopy! Evidently that lift isn't part of the LBL. My butt appears high and tight though, and that was the part that bothered me the most.

All in all, I am pleased so far with the results. Hope I continue to be pleased.

05/23/05

I'm two weeks post PS now and doing really well. The surgeon took 1/2 the staples and 3 of 4 drains out at my one week visit. I hope to have the rest out tomorrow. I estimate that I had about 120 staples, plus stitches around my relocated belly button and where the two incisions crossed in the front.

Pain has been very minimal. I am controlling with Tylenol, but that is mostly for the headache that I have had for two weeks now. I'm not sure what is causing it, but could be the weather. I've also had what seem to me to be hot flashes. Surgeon says nothing he did would have caused hormonal rushes, so it's probably just my body's healing process.

I have walked at the gym a couple of times this past week. I walked a lot slower, but for 30 min. Saturday I also did another mile at the Cancer Relay for Life. I was pretty whipped by Saturday night.

More problems with my trainer. My current trainer is now gone again!)I believe he had some problems with the legal system and was compelled to return early to his home state. I'm beginning to have a complex! The trainer that I had who had been fired from my gym is now working elsewhere. I will pursue a reconnection with him as soon as I'm cleared by the surgeon.

As of today, I AM NORMAL and AT GOAL!!!! I weighed in at 158, normal for my height, having lost all my post-op fluid retention and some of the weight that was cut off. I now have a BMI of 24.7. I know I have not been a normal weight since I started grade school, and I'm not sure about prior to that.

It's been a pretty busy winter, so I haven't updated very regularly. I'm still doing well and losing very slowly, if at all. I am playing around with my calories, experimenting with how to maintain a weight - something I've never had to address. I'm eating 1200-1500 cal per day and losing about four pounds per month. With my LBL scheduled for 5/11, I have less than ten pounds to lose until my goal. I'm pretty sure I will make it, but won't be devastated if I don't lose the last couple of lbs. prior to surgery.

I was tickled twice this week - once at the optometrist’s office and today at JCPenney. I needed new glasses badly because my old ones are falling off my face. Who would think you can lose that much in your face? The lady helping me had to look hard to find frames small enough for my face! At Penney's today, I tried on a size 12 suit that fit perfectly and size 14 Lee jeans that also fit great. I don't believe I have ever worn a size 12 - I skipped by the lower sizes when I graduated from "chubby girls". At this rate, after my LBL I will probably be in a single digit size - never in my wildest dreams...

The results of this life-saving procedure continue to amaze me!

03/20/05
Thought I would drop in for a bit. I am continuing to lose very slowly, which is what I want right now. I’m at 166 – exactly ½ of my pre-op consult weight. I commemorated the event by taking my fat clothes to work and the gym and modeling them. I modeled for my management group last week. We are about to embark on our first RNY surgery next month and I wanted to remind all of them what effect we would have on people’s lives.

I modeled for my staff a little while later. The shirt I can wrap twice around me and the pants are too amazing for words. I can’t keep them on without holding them up. I did the obligatory “get me in one leg” with my fellow WLS person in my department – together we have lost 300 lbs. She got in one leg of my old pants and I got in the other. We then put the shirt around both of us and took a picture. I’ve posted that below.

The next day I modeled my clothes for my personal trainer and the other workers at the gym. They didn’t meet me until I had lost over 100 lbs, so shock was all that registered with them.

I was traumatized last week by the same trainer. On Monday, he told me he was being transferred to the other club on Thursday, but when I called Wednesday, they said he no longer worked there. Seems that between Mon and Wed, he went and got himself fired! I am hopeful he will be able to get into another club soon and resume training – after 6 months together; I have bonded pretty tightly to him, his training methods, and even his family. In the meantime, I am working with the trainer that I initially signed up with last August. Hopefully the new trainer will grow on me since right now he seems pretty aloof and formal. I prefer a more casual approach.

The old trainer gave the new one my current routine, but after trying it once, the new guy wants to start with his own. I expected that, so we’ll see what he comes up with. I went ahead and scheduled 3x per week for the next two weeks. I will be getting pretty busy in late April and have surgery 5/11. I wanted to maximize the time I have left before surgery.