Aug 3, 2007 I started a journey that had me wandering how I would do it.  I am so glad I took that journey.  A year ago I was in the hospital sipping, sleeping and walking.  Little did I ever think that I would be where I am today.  101 pounds down and a new life ahead.  I can't say I am not still fearful just a different fearful.  A year ago I wondered if I would ever make it to 100 pounds gone now my fear is will I be able to keep it off.  I know that will all the support I have here on OH and the support from my local support groups that I can make it.  I thank God everyday for bringing such wonderful and supportive people into my life.  To all the newbies I would say get into a good support group.  Those people have gotten me through some rough times and have helped so much.  I just want all of you to know how much I love and appreciate all of you.  Thank you so much for all the words of encouragement you have given me over the last year.  I look forward to what the future holds for me.  I hope that I can be to others what you guys have been to me.  God bless you all!!!

What a away to spend my 9th month surgiversary I was at the RYD conference!!!  I cant' begin to explain what an uplifting experience that was for me.  All the compliments were things I think I needed to hear.  I forget sometime where I have come from and where I am now.  It's nice to know that others notice me and how I have changed.

Weight loss is still slow but that is ok.  I am FINALLY in the 150's!!!  I am 7 pounds away from goal.  Everyone around tells me i dont' need to lose anymore but I just want to get to that 100 pounds lost.  That was my goal since the beginning and I just want to reach it.  So we will see how things go.

Well not much to report this last month.  I didn't lose anything this last month.  I am stuck between 161-164 depending on the time of day that I weight.  I want to see 159.8 so bad!!!!!!LOL  I really want to say that I have lost 100 pounds.  I WANT MY BARKER'S BABE T-SHIRT!!!!!!  the only way to get that is to lose 100 pounds.  Maybe I can sweet talk them into one at my 1 year check up if I havent' gotten the 100 pounds off by then.

I am very happy with my results.  It is so nice to see the new me finally.  I am wearing size 10 pants and large shirts if they are pull over and XL if they are button up.(the girls are just too much for a large shirt.LOL)  I pretty much skipped the size 12's.  So although I didn't lose any pounds this month I did lose inches.  

My fear now is that I may be finished losing.  I don't know if I am ready to accept that.  I do need to exercise more.  I am doing so much better with my protein and vitamins so now to concentrate on the exercise.  I am still staying between 1000-1200 calories a day.  I hate to increase it too much more because I dont' want to get to use to that much food.  I know there are probably days where I do go up but there are days I go down in calorie intake too.  So I guess it all balances out.

I am going for a scope test next week.  I have been having some nausea.  They put me back on Nexium and I have notice a big improvement.  So maybe that is all I needed.  Dr. Barker wants to just check and make sure that the opening hasn't healed too small.  So to make me feel better I am going ahead with the test even though I feel better.

Last but not least I have a new man in my life.  He is a God send.  It's amazing when you think it's time to give up someone like him comes along.  Not sure where it will go but for right now I couldn't be happier.

Until next month!!!  Hope to report that I am in the 150's at that time.

Well I see I just never got here to post anything at 6 months.  Just not feeling up to it much lately.  I am REALLY struggling with depression.  I started back on my anti depressants but they make me sick to my stomach.  I wish I knew how to get out of this funk.  I don't like who I am right now.  I am feeling very alone in this journey these last 2 months.  I am trying to attend every support thing I can but just feel like I am going to bring everyone else down so I wonder if I should even be there.  I hate talking about this because I dont' want others thinking bad of me.  

The good thing is that I am now down 86 pounds.  I only have 14 more until I am at goal.  Then I guess I will ask  "What now???"LOL

Well its been 5 months today.  I am still in shock as to how well I have done.  I even made it through the holidays without going crazy over food.  I made good choices and managed to lose 5 pounds!!!  I still have days where I want to eat everything in site.  The funny thing is even when I try and can't.LOL  I do need to work on eating more solid foods and not so much in the slider food catagory.  I dont' need to just drink my portein and calories.  I need to eat some of it and remind myself what it feels like to be full.  I have to have snacks because my calorie intake on just meals isn't high enough.  I even struggle with that eating snacks.  There are days that food just doesn't taste good.  Today is one of those days.  AFter being off work for 2 weeks and not eating a regular schedule my body is having a hard time getting use to eating again.  I am getting in fluids though.  And I am working on all the protein but still ok there.
I am finally beginning to feel thin.  But I look at myself and still see all the flaws.  I have people tell me everyday how good I am looking.  I will just be glad when the mind can take in what everyone else is seeing.  Will I always feel like the fat girl???