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To keep my appointment with the surgeon this time!

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to lose about 50-60 lbs

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IamPreacher's Blog
IamPreacher's Blog


GOING FORWARD
on May 19, 2009 11:26 am
  I'm so excited.  Tonight I am going to the Seminar at the hospital where my doctor and others talked about what they do for people like me.  I'm even more excited because my husband actually agreed to go with me!  My appointment is next week.

I saw this doctor about a year ago and was going to get a band at the time but I chickened out and wanted to try on my own to lose weight.  After 2 years of trying and counting calories and exercising, I finally came to the conclusion that this wasn't working!  So I am going back this time and going through with the plan. 

I really want a gastric sleeve instead of the band.  Mainly because my stomach over secretes acid, which makes me feel hungry all the time, which has contributed to my overeating.  I started taking Prilosec at my doctor's suggestion and it does help--whoopi--I lost 3 lbs.

I don't know if my insurance will cover this surgery, but I'll know soon enough.  From what I've read about the band it's not worth it.  I know someone who got one and she hasn't lost any weight.  And if she overeats, she pukes!  Because I have hypothyroidism, I'm hoping that will be enough to qualify.  I also have high blood pressure, sleep apnea and have arthritis which makes it very painful to exercise, although I do it, I can't do as much as before my lower back surgery in 2007.  That's what brought back the 30 lbs I had lost.

What a predicament!  It's totally frustrating to be fat and not be able to get rid of it!
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Facing the Truth
on May 1, 2009 5:11 am
   These smileys represent me talking to myself!  "Now you know you don't really need that (whatever food I'm tempted with)"  "BUT I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! I'M NOT LISTENING TO YOU!"  I am such a BRAT when it comes to teaching myself something I already know.  I mean, I know I shouldn't eat when I'm not hungry, but sometimes I need that comfort. 

Comfort is something I was never given as a child and now as an adult, I still seek a safe, warm place where nothing hurts.  My husband is not very attentive to me after all these years and frankly, I don't see any change on the horizon.  So then I cop this attitude of "Oh well, who cares anyway?" and I eat.

I have to admit I have improved somewhat in the last year.  When we eat out, I half the meal most of the time, but sometimes I even sabotage my good intentions by having dessert, but we share one serving, so I'm not eating the whole thing.  I could just eat and eat and eat.

I seems to me that having been treated for Graves disease, leaving me with an under-active thyroid somehow I lost the ability to feel full and so it tends to cause me to overeat because I can't tell I'm full unless I'm refluxing.  Plus having to take synthetic hormone replacement for thyroid, hasn't helped me enough to help me lose the weight I was told I would lose with the treatment.  I don't trust doctors anymore because of this.

The truth of the matter is this:  I am emotionally stressed.  It's an "inside" kind of stress.  Not like a work deadline, which would make sense.  It seems to be something that I have a really difficult time dealing with.  Anxiety is an inward emotion that often overwhelms me and so the escape it if but for a moment I eat.  Or I'll want to sleep so I don't feel anything.

I've been that way for a long, long time.  Even when I was a teenager, I would sleep until 12 or 1 in the afternoon because I just didn't want to face the situations I had to live with.  Well, hellooooooooooooooo!  Those days are gone. Daaaaaaaaaaaa!  But my husband is a constant reminder of those days.  No attention, no love, no affection.  It triggers something in me that I don't quite understand but am trying to.  You may wonder why did I marry him?  I wanted so much to believe he wouldn't be that way.  When we first dated, he wasn't like them at all and I fell in love with him because of his attentiveness and his gentleness.  He's still all those things, but something has changed him and me and it's as if we live in the same house, but in two different worlds.

Anyway, I just recently had lab work done for my thyroid.  I'm going to request the results from my doctor and if they are normal, I'm going to get a second opinion.  If they concur then I will have only one option: surgery to make m;y stomach smaller so that I CAN'T overeat anymore.

And that's the conclusion to this whole matter!    Now that I've embarrassed myself by telling the truth,it's time   to stop thinking about it and  get moving!
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