- Username: iluvbreeze
- Location: Cherry Capital of the World!, MI, USA
- Member Since: 6/4/2006
- BMI: 43.3
- Surgery date scheduled
- Surgery Type: RNY (10/16/06)
- Surgeon: Michael Nizzi, D.O.
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Latest Surgery Support Comments
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I just figured out
you are having
surgery today. I
hope it all goes
very smoothly. I
can't wait to see
your cute face
again!
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Dear Beth, I'll be
praying for a
perfect surgery &
recovery for you!!!
(((HUgs)))Sandy G.
 Comment by Haven on 10/15/06 10:37 pm
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So many thoughts for this lil brain O' mine,..lol on January 30, 2007 6:57 pm
Ok, so i just took some after pictures...for the first time really, since surgery. Ok, Yes, I can see a difference...but what the ehck? is my mind stuck on negitive..????My mind tells me yeah, but ph yuck, look how far you still have to go ...Gee, makes me wonder if we ever get happy witgh ourselves.
I know it has only been 3 months, and i have totally slipped out of ALL of the current clothing i was wearing. That is such a good feeling...and I am in clothes that i wore when me and hubby were dating, at least 10 years ago..Yayayy! That is awesome..!!! Yay Betheny!!
I guess right now I am just in a down spot..Probably not a great time to take pictures of me. I thought maybe it would perk me up...you know, to see what all; the Hoopla is about.. I see it, but in my mind, i still feel like, ewww.....gross....=0(
Ok, so maybe it is just because i have been at a stall for almost 3 weeks....I have also been listless, and in a bad mood for that long too....it this the normal part, or hormones moving around and all of that , or is this the mentally hard part...where all of the doubts creep in, and all of the sabotaging thoughts.....I'm thinking so.
I think it purposely comes along, and I am sure it comes from the same place as Murphys law, and it bumos you off track, just to see how strong you are..One minute you think you have the world by the Ass, and the next minute, you just want to kick everyones ass...LOL
Well, I dont know if this is what people mean, by this is quite the ride, because i have my ups and down, and it does feel like a roller coaster. but then again, doesnt life feel that way anyway?????????? Yeh!
This is just the part that is with me constantly, from day one of knowing i was fat, which was at the very earliest, at the age of five.
Now, I am in the pit with it....fighting it out, with this little tummy of mine...pondering, worrying, fretting over who is going to win...Is the battle over? have i defeated it?
I already know the answer to that. Hell NO!!!
I have experianced hunger from the get go.
Am i glad i had this surgery? YES!!
At least i have a fighting chance. Do i plan on winning...YES!!!!!
With all my might.....i might be in a bad mood the whole way...lol....but onward and dowward...lol
hopefully next entry , i will be in a bit of a better mood...shhheessshh!
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I can't beleive it!! on December 20, 2006 5:06 am
I am down 55 pounds. Each day i see another pound gone, I am amazed...I am so very gratful for every single pound. I tried so hard to get my weight to budge, and couldnt barely get it to move all these years...Now, watching it go, it so jaw dropping to me. I love it!!! I feel so much better than I did 55 pds ago, thats for sure.
I can move better, I can walk longer, i am more flexable, I can paint my toes and put on my socks and shoes with much more ease, I can reach my back better for scracthing, i can reach everything in the shower, or going to the bathroom, without turning inside out...LOL...it feels so much better....I am sooooooooooooooooooooooooo gratful.
Along with so many other things. My self esteem has already came up, I have more confidence, I can fit in my own office chair without the side digging in, I went down a whole shoe size already, Yay! , i can drive without the steering wheel hitting my belly, and I am down about 2 to 3 sizes already...wow oh wow!!! So much to be thankful for, in such a short time. Hard to even wrap your mind around sometimes, but totally awesome!!!!
I am still walking my 2 miles per day. I have stepped up the aerbics of it all, and am now moving around more with it ( doing indoor walking tapes due to the icky weather) I am close to wanting to move ahead to the 3 mile walk...I know I can accomplish it!
I have stuck right to the exercise , because i worked my butt of before deciding on this surgery and nothing would budge...now, I am so willing to work my butt of and see the rewards of my efforts. It makes me feel wonderful too, knowing, I am doing all I can in this whole process. I am more than happy to work out , especailly because i can, even at my weight, and also because it makes me feel good, and to see results from it, makes it so much easier to stick too, rather than plugging along, and being discouraged, so yeah, I am HAPPY to do my 2 miles per day. I know it has helped me have a faster weight loss, which is so good for me mentally too! Ahhh, having a wonderful Christmas over here...Thank You God for all my Gifts!!!!
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'Yay! Yay! Yay! I'm 7 weeks out today on December 4, 2006 5:01 am
AND I HAVE LOST 50 PDS!!!!!!!
HOW COOL IS THAT????????
Of course 8 pds was on the pre-surgery diet, but still....I am shocked....
I couldnt wait to lose my first 50 pds, and here it is!
So soon!! I would have never thought me of all people.
YAY!!!
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HEY!!! It's all good!!! on November 18, 2006 7:05 am
I just ran across a BMI chart, and decided to put in my new weight,..and Guess what???
When I started out, i was 56.6 BMI...that was the SUPER MORBIDLY OBESE category...55.8 just before surgery......now i am 49.4, I just dropped down to only Extremely OBESE....Yeah, still sounds horrible under that description, but hey, at least it is down..there was no other category upwards...LOL......
Down is good!!!! Yayayayyyy!
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I REALLY, REALLY , REALLY HATE PMS WEEK!!! GRRRRRR... on November 16, 2006 6:49 am
Did I tell ya that I hate PMS week? Geezzz!!
Ok, my whole entire life...Pms week, has been hell week for me..'
As a person who is addicted to food, every single month, no matter what diet i was on, or what plan i had in place, as soon as PMS would arrive, it blew everything out of the water.
I never ever did good on any diet or whatever during PMS week..( aka hell week)
Well, I was wondering how it would go after surgery...Well, guess what? Still hell week...LOL
I had horrible cravings all week..
'The only difference was, i usually crave specific foods...this time, i just craved food...
I would go to the fridge or cupboards and just stand there and gawk at the choices...I would even say outloud, "I dont even want anything" "Why am I standing here"...Ohhhhh, it about drove me nuts.
To conquer it , i tried different things...Heres what i did.
I would measure out my meal( the whole 1/4 or 1/3 of a cup of it, depending on what it was) and then only eat half of that...then a few hours later, while the food monster kept bugging me, i would go ahead and eat the other half of my food...it kept the food supply steady...I thought, OMG!! What a sicko....I still have to have food so urgently!!
But, I told my counselor about what I did and she said, that was perfect....Really? Why?????
She said, because i didnt do anything wrong and i worked out a plan that worked for me...she said, we need to do the right thing 80% of the time...we are still humsn, and we are still going to struggle with tbhis...but if we have it under control, 80% of the time, we will be fine...Huuum , that made me feel so much better. I can do 80%...its the 100% that we think we keep needing to be that makes us nuts.
She forbids me to beat myself up...something I have always done..but that only puts us back into a negitive cycle, and then we dont treat ourselfes well, ( eating well, exercise, etc, ) so, we muct forgive ourselfes if we slip up, and be kind to ourselfes...She says, what would you tell your best friend? Oh Honey, its ok, just get right back up on that horse, and keep on, keeeping on...you are going to do great!!! She said, talk to yourself that very same way...Makes a ton of sense...
Although, I still get scared that I will fail, or that I will spin out of control, or something...it sure does help a ton to have the support of a counselor...I would not take this journey without that support and help of someone who can help me grow into my new life. I highly recommend it to everyone. We didnt get this way from just what we put in our body. We got this way because of why we put what we did in our bodies....
Ok, on to the better week!
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Archive
My Story
I have been researching this weight surgery for some time now. Actually, I was here looking into info 2 years ago, then figured, no, its not for me...I can do this on my own. I will give myself a year...Ummm huh...we all know how that went. 2 years have went by now, and I am in worse health, less able to move around like I did, and miserable .I am so glad I was able to find this site again. It looks way different but I recognized Amy Williams..I thought, Cool! This the place!
I know I want the surgery for sure. I have made up my mind. I need to lose at least 150 pd's. ( That is so gross for me to admit)
I know this surgery is the only chance I have at getting most of this extra weight off.
I have always been heavy. I was called fatso in kindergarten.
My Dad and my Grandpa, spent their energy telling my how I couldn't have what the rest of the children were having, I had to have diet stuff....SINCE THE AGE OF 3!!!!!!! So I guess I have grown up wondering what is the matter with me?
Why can't I have the same as them? I is not that I was allowed junk food and that's how I got heavy. We weren't allowed any of that food except on an occasion, holidays, get together's, etc, but our everyday eating was quite healthy. My brother and sister were bean poles. I have always been the chubby one.
As I sit here thinking of all the things about this surgery, all of the tests that have to be done, the rules for afterwards and so on, the water, the vitamins, the exercise. I think, YES! I can do all of those. I have spent years eating healthy, taking my vitamins, and I even feel wonderful when I do my exercises...What really bothers me , is that I am so addicted to food....
I have dealt with many additictions in my life, quit most of them too. I have been a non smoker for 3 1/2 years now! Yyayayayyy!!! Although, through the process of 2 attempts of quitting smoking, I gained 100 pounds...(Not the poster child for quitting smoking by far)
The thing that bothers me the most through this whole process, is that, staple my stomach all you want, but what takes care of the addiction?
I am currently seeing a counselor. She has been wonderful. I have been going there for about 3 or 4 months now. I have been on track a few times with her help. And then again, thru some of the most stressful times, I reverted back to food. Once I get carbs in my system, it is like unleashing an uncontrollable monster.
I have to fight and struggle to take back the reins every time. Why do I put myself thru that? Its the addiction. I don't feel like I have any control when I go thru one of these episodes.
Sometimes I can grab a hold in one day, sometimes, I get back to earth in a week or 2, sometimes, it goes on for months. (insert sad face here)
I do know one thing. I would never even attempt going thru this surgery without my counselor because I know , even though I might have been born with the chubby gene or slow metabolism , or something, Most of my problem is in my head. Not my stomach .Sure, a smaller stomach will help, but I need to conquer the battle in my mind as well to truly make this a success. Maybe it will just take time. She knows just what it is like to turn to food in a crisis. I need her and appreciate her work so much.
I pray that God will help me to be strong. On to my Journey!!
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