Has anyone ever heard this before? Well I did! TWICE in a 2 day time span! Is this a sign? You know if I wasn't mentally strong, I would be going crazy right about now; 2wks ago family telling me I need to lose weight and 2 days ago strangers telling me I don't "look it". AWWWWWWW

The funny thing is both persons said, "I was expecting you to be larger than that"! WTF!!! My response, "OH, I must carry it well". WOW!! People are amazing! Allow me to set the record, yes I am a size 26 and NO I don't look it! There you have it! Does anyone know how much of a struggle it is to go into a clothing store seeing people you KNOW are larger than you say out loud, "Do you have this in an 18?" And you  are looking like WTF, she's bigger than me how can she wear an 18?! But the person does wear an 18 perfectly.

So, how does one suppose to look like in order to have surgery? Do you know? If so, please let me know!

I made a visit to my home state of NC this past weekend to visit my mom and GPs. And let me tell you, since Dec. 10 (my orientation) I have become so aware of food conversations. Let me explain. I went to visit my grandparents. When my grandmother found out my mom & I were coming she made a big pan of cornbread (mostly for my mom). Then my GM proceeds to "push" food; why don't you get some of that to go with that, get some of this to eat with that, take a slice out GFather and take the rest with you. The entire time we were in the kitchen she was lovingly forcing food towards me. I couldn't do anything but 1) laugh and 2) stand my ground on the "other" foods.

Well, on top of that, I got the "Do you think you heavy enough" conversationS! I tell you! All I could say was, "When you see me next time, the weight will be off!"    But WAIT it gets a little better! My aunt was telling me via the phone, I needed "comfort food"; you know being in the house w/snow etc.. I told her comfort food got me where I am NOW!!! Can you believe this? That particular aunt is much heavier than my mom and their other sister. My GPs are "normal" size, not overweight.

I couldn't believe how engage I was watching other people eat, esp. my mom. She was eating--no snacking, on the way back from the GPs, AND THEN when we got to her place, she fixed her a meal. NO she doesn't have a high metabolism. WOW!!! What an experience. Well I got it out of my system. Next time I go back to NC (provided nothing major happens), it will be a whole n'other story; you know the one "YOU ARE TOO SMALL"!

Its amazing who we let food control us. These last couple of days (esp. since our snow storm last weekend) I have been off the chain with eating. I thought I had it under control. It all started when my friend asked me if I wanted anything from the store on Friday. My natural response was YES, I'll take a box of Cheez Its. Well, she brings back 2 boxes! Ok I got this,no problem. Well, by Monday one box was GONE-- ALL GONE!!!

It didn't stop there. That Sunday I had to go into work to help with the food order for our crews. The menu PIZZA!! Long story short, I went home with some Veggie Lovers, Meat Lovers, Supreme Lovers (slices that is). Sunday evening I continued to eat pizza. Monday I had pizza for lunch and for dinner fried chicken (4pc meal)! WTF?? The sad thing is I realized what I was doing and kept eating anyway. Tuesday comes and my coworkers wanted to order seafood (I love fried flounder). And you know what I did, placed my order for the lunch special Fish n chips. I ate every single bit of it!

Tuesday after work I had had it! I went to the fridge threw out the leftover pizza and chicken. THREW IT OUT!!! Wednesday went well ate healthy. But yesterday (Thursday), was a different story. I allowed stress from the job AND my PMSing take over. I had all intentions of going to Wendy's and getting some chili and side salad. Well, when I got there it all changed! I ended up with a #4 Baconator Combo (reg. size) and a salad.  Of course it was good and I enjoyed every bite. But why did I do that? Just because I allowed the factors of life take over my eating. There was no need for what I've done. I know I can't change the past, but I can do better in the present. That is why I'm asking myself for forgiveness.