I am 3.5 months out and I am starting to experiment with different foods; chips, breads, steak, chinese food. Yes, CHINESE!!! Of course, no dumping! That is scary, very scary! OH and popcorn! I popped popcorn last night in my wok. I used EVOO and I Cant Believe its Butter spray. It was sooooo good! These are all foods that I've been craving (of course before PMS). I tried everything while at home just in case there was an issue.

I bought a $.99 bag 2.5oz of chips and divided them up into .5oz. That way i wouldnt feel guilty (HA). When I ordered Chinese food, i did go a little overboard; a pint of shrimp&stirfry veggies AND sesame chicken w/broccoli. I had a little of both mixed together for 2 days. Then I froze the rest. A part of me feels guilty that I'm "cheating" on myself. BUT, I realized I'm just satisfying my curiosity. How will I know if I can or cant tolerate something.

Another thing going through my head is during excercise class I still feel FAT. Go figure! I've gone from 265 down to 193 and I still feel FAT! Its just when I'm in class, I feel like I cant keep up. Instead of running in place or doing jumping jacks, I either walk in place or step side to side. I feel great!!! I think I'm just scared that I'll end up catching cramps in my feet or legs (which I did when I was heavier). Maybe if I wear something more fitting I can physically see that I'm not the 265 pound person I was last year. Currently, I wear a baggy tshirt and baggy sweats. That maybe a thought huh?

I just came back from my follow-up appt. I have lost six pounds since June 3rd. To me that's big since the pounds came off this past week!!!! BUT that wasnt good enough for my surgeon. I told her what I was eating and drinking; all good stuff. Well come to find out, I'm suppose to drink a protein drink as a meal supplement NOT as a "drink"; which is fine. Now the part that gets me is all this time I thought we are suppose to eat until "satisfied/comfortable".  Apparently that's not the case! You are suppose to stop BEFORE you get to that point (according to my surgeon). So, instead of me eating 5 lil turkey smokies (which btw is 1 serving & 8g protein), I'm to eat 3!!!! All this is fine, but its a little frustrating esp. when you are doing your best (so you thought).

Its definitely a challenging task, as long as I'm healthy and looking good I'll continue making the changes that I need to make. Gotta love the decision we made to have this surgery!

This morning curiosity was killing this cat. I wasn't going to do it until Sunday morning, but I couldn't resist. I stepped on the scale and it read 245.2 . I'm down 20lbs since Dec. 10, 2009 ! And I'm 3 days away from surgery. I'm sure you know where I'm going with this. That question popped in my head; "Well, I don't have to have surgery. I can do this!"  Reality set  back in, "Yes Amy, you do need this surgery!" Then "The Sabotager" step in my head. I'm sure you know about this creature. "Since you lost some weight, why don't we go to Sonics and get those mozerella sticks you've been wanting ? You'll be able to "get rid of it" at least by Monday evening."  GET OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!! All of this happened from the time I got on the scale until I stepped off. (Of course the thought of mozerella sticks have been on my mind since Wednesday! BTW, this is my week to crave everything. I'm suppose to be coming "on" next week-GREAT!!!!)

I'm excited about the weight loss, please don't get it twisted. I have a size 26 pants that I had on yesterday and I had to go home during lunch to put a belt on b/c they kept dragging the floor. This morning I tried on a size 24 pants I had in the closet and I must say they were loose . But I'm still Morbidly Obese. OOOOOOOK, I'm snapping out of it. I suppose what I'm feeling is normal. And I wonder if we fought this Sabotager will we/I be in this position?

I SURVIVED my first day of the liquid diet!  You know this shit is a freakin MIND GAME (excuse my french). That's all, a mind game! I made sure I got in my water and protein shakes/drinks. I had some yogurt and 4 oz of banana creme pudding. Not bad. I made sure I stayed busy.

I feel good today. I hava a  BIG ACCOMPLISHMENT today. I made turkey burgers and it didn't EVEN bother me. WOW!!!  My mouth didn't even water; lol. AND NO I haven't taken a bite. Don't have the desire to.

Here are my stats:
2008 HW 275 (at home weight)
12-10-09 (D-day Orientation) 269 (clinic weight)
Towards end Dec. (1st meeting w/surgeon) 266 (clinic weight)
Feb 22, 2010 (2nd meeting w/surgeon) 261 (clinic weight)
March 18, 2010 (Nut Support Group) 257.5 (clinic weight)
March 20, 2010 at home weight 254

There is approx. a 3 pound difference btwn home and clinic.

I will post in a few days.

I made a visit to my home state of NC this past weekend to visit my mom and GPs. And let me tell you, since Dec. 10 (my orientation) I have become so aware of food conversations. Let me explain. I went to visit my grandparents. When my grandmother found out my mom & I were coming she made a big pan of cornbread (mostly for my mom). Then my GM proceeds to "push" food; why don't you get some of that to go with that, get some of this to eat with that, take a slice out GFather and take the rest with you. The entire time we were in the kitchen she was lovingly forcing food towards me. I couldn't do anything but 1) laugh and 2) stand my ground on the "other" foods.

Well, on top of that, I got the "Do you think you heavy enough" conversationS! I tell you! All I could say was, "When you see me next time, the weight will be off!"    But WAIT it gets a little better! My aunt was telling me via the phone, I needed "comfort food"; you know being in the house w/snow etc.. I told her comfort food got me where I am NOW!!! Can you believe this? That particular aunt is much heavier than my mom and their other sister. My GPs are "normal" size, not overweight.

I couldn't believe how engage I was watching other people eat, esp. my mom. She was eating--no snacking, on the way back from the GPs, AND THEN when we got to her place, she fixed her a meal. NO she doesn't have a high metabolism. WOW!!! What an experience. Well I got it out of my system. Next time I go back to NC (provided nothing major happens), it will be a whole n'other story; you know the one "YOU ARE TOO SMALL"!