3/21/2006
Well I lost my job that I thought was working out so great. News to me when my cousin called to inform me that it wouldnt ever turn out to be a permenant position. Apparently I got along best with male supervisors, I had an attitude when the customers had an attitude, and seemed rude in my interview. I was so mad I was crying when I heard these lame excuses.
First and foremost the supervisor I was assigned to was a male! If I had questions of course I went to a male , they told me too. As far as the other supervisors I never once was rude with anyone. Not one female supervisor was ever really that nice to me. Second of all even when customers were cussing at me for a certain banks procedures I was nice. I merely did my job by informing them of the procedures I was told to. I was told not to let the customers tell me how things work, I was to tell them. I follow through with that and I'm rude. I guess I dont see how being nasty nice helps any situation. I apologized to people for this bank a lot. Thirdly, I was very nervous in my pop quiz interview. The lady asked me if I would work 2:30 to 11:00 at night and I told her no. She said so if i offered these hours you'd say no. I said that's right I would have to say no. I have babies at home who need thier momma. How is that rude? They give this kiss ass the shift I wanted. People hate me!!
Anyhow I got this new temp to hire position within the same bank. Its in the documentation prep and validation department. I've only worked one day there and seem to like it much better then customer service. I just miss my friends.
Dietwise how am I doing? HORRIBLE. I gave up pepsi for a month. Then this weekend in a very stressful afternoon I went back to it. Tomorrow I start saying no again. I guess I quit Weight Watchers. My husband just never wanted to go. I am so mad at him about it. I was doing good this time around and he just decided we werent going to do it. I basically have been feeling suicidal for about the last two weeks. I look at my kids and seem to be able to go through the motions of another day. I am so tired of observing life. I want my life back. I want to feel like a woman again. Death can not come quick enough for me. Even if I stay alive I'm not living anyway. Nothing can save me from myself, and for some reason I'm to tired to care anything about me.
I wonder if this surgery is going to really be the tool I need? I know it will jumpstart my weight loss, and that will allow me to at least feel alive. I know there is a life outside of my shell. Even if I'm skinny people will still hate me though. The only person weight loss will change is me. I'll still be me though. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about. Well until next time
Amanda
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