Finally my one year update on June 15, 2008 5:47 pm
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I apologize for the delay in my update. I know how important this website was to me pre op and even post op. So my one year anniversary was on April 30th. I've taken almost two months to update. I have been seriously trying to figure out what i'm going to write for this update. So please bear with me if I kind of ramble. I think the best way to write this update is from my heart.
So let me start with where my life was when i first got my approval. I was 310 pounds. I was miserable with myself. I hated living. I was waddling around, not social, breathing heavy and sleeping like crap. I sat inside every day watching life pass me by. I lived inside my head only. I would spend most of my time worrying about what i was going to do with my lfie. I wanted desperately to go back to school to get my bachelors in psychology. I wanted to be a psychologist with every fiber of my being. I spent a lot of time on the internet. I made lots of friends on OH and am so thankful for that. I was very insecure. I hated my life, but loved my children to much to end it.
Where am I today. Today I weighed in at around 173 pounds. I am currently going to school to work on my B.A. in Psychology. I am a 4.0 gpa student. I have made friends at school. That is something I never thought possible at 310 pounds. I just wasnt outgoing enough and was to insecure to ever speak to a stranger. Now I find myself able to speak pretty openly about things. I'm slowly getting back to being the person everyone knew was stuck inside that hideous body.I am still working the same job, but i seem to know everyone. I'm more social.
Now my marriage is just the same as it as always been. I stil dont see why my husband thinks I'm pretty. I cant imagine why he is attracted to me. I have learned to except it though and to let by gones be bygones. We have done complete role reversal. I am now the thinner one, and he is the heavier one. Dan is actually getting ready to get a lapband surgery.
I am now enjoying my life. I get to play with my kids. They can sit on my lap and lay with me on the couch. I have enough lap room for all three of them . That is the best gift of all. I am so thankful that I gave myself this opportunity.
That being said I must admit that I have made some mistakes. First and foremost I have not taken the vitamins or drank the protein the way that I should. I havent kept doctors appointments nor have i stuck to the regimine. I am not worthy of the success i have had. i drink pop. I eat carbs. I dont excersise. I am a failure in these parts. i have however changed my eating habits. I now make healthier choices. I dont eat so much. Not that I dont still struggle with food addiction. I do every day. I have my bad days, and weeks. When I am super stressed I find myself eating mindlessly. Granted I can not eat like a horse anymore but its still a habit that i struggle with. Atleast now I can say that I stop eating when i realize what i'm doing.
I am going to start doing better with this tonight. I am going to start coming back to the OH website. I need to make sure that i keep this gift in my heart and thoughts constantly so that I never go back to where i came from. I am also excited to start excersing again. I havent been totally not doing anything. I do take walks, and bike rides with the kids. i just need a more structured routine. I do eat protein first for the most part, although carbs are a demon i battle with.
I will try and update each month. I just get so depressed that sometimes coming here makes me feel like more of a failure. I think that is something that i will always struggle with. I am an insecure person when it comes to the way I look. I think I am a dog. I cant imagine why anyone would ever look at me and think different. Perhaps after some plastic surgery I will feel differently.
Until Next time,