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Goals

Get Sleep DR to Clear For Surgery

0 People
 in progress, 
1 Person
 achieved this

Wear APAP Machine for 5 hours every night this week

0 People
 in progress, 
1 Person
 achieved this

buy protein and vitamins

1 Person
 in progress, 
0 People
 achieved this
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Surgeon Testimonial

Mark Smolik
I was very impressed with Dr. Smolick. I found him very informative and not rushed. I was not so impressed with his punctuality. However I am 90% positive that he was dealing with some sort of complication that day. I was so nervous about talking to him that I forgot to write down questions and didnt ask him anything. So now I have no idea what a good goal weight would be or anything of that nature.rn
Member Interests
  • Dogs
  • Writing - I love to write
  • Parenting - I have a 5 year old son, Caleb;a 3 year old daughter Danielle a baby girl Alex
  • Cyberculture - I've been online and loving it for over five years now
  • BMI over 50 - more cushin for the pushin lol

Latest Surgery Support Comments

  • Comment by Mountngrown on 4/30/07 9:44 am
    Amanda, Good luck, and I know you will do well. You will be in my thoughts and prayers today for an uneventful surgery and quick recovery. I will be looking forward to hearing that all went well very soon. Jerry
  • Comment by Bob Has Disappeared on 4/29/07 12:33 pm
    Good Luck Amanda! My prayers and thoughts are with you tomorrow. I wish you a speedy recovery. Cheers, Bob
  • Comment by leah25 on 4/29/07 11:02 am
    Hey chick, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for tomorrow and a very speedy recovery. Good luck and I cant wait to see you on the other side!
Click here for the surgery support page
Amanda's World
One woman's quest for weight loss surgery

7/30/7
posted on 7/31/07 5:22 pm
7/30/7

Undefined

Hello Everyone!

I thought I would update and tell everyone that I weigh between 252 and 250. I've lost about 55 pounds. Thats pretty good I imagine. It still doesnt feel like enough, and I havent really gone down any in clothing. I'm pretty sure it has to do with the excersise, and the fact that I have all this disgusting fat that hangs off of my body. I will take the 55 pounds though, because like a friend pointed out to me "when was the last time I lost 55 pounds in three months?" NEVER.

I am still eating things I shouldnt. I'm back to drinking Diet Pepsi. I'm such an idiot I was off the stuff why am I drinking it again? I suppose it's because I like it more then Crystal light. I'm burned out on Crystal Light. I'm eating mostly chicken cesar salads (grilled of course) from Mcdonalds or some Birds Eye Viola Three Cheese Chicken.  Thats pretty much it, I have some bites of things others are eating if I'm hungry. Recently I've been doing better with the Protein. So I'm happy to say that. The vitamins are another story.

I've been seeing a therapist and I have admitted to her and a few close friends that I am in the apathetic phase of depression. I dont care about much of anything except for my kids. Even there I'm not doing the best. I could care less about myself. I hate myself ...fat or skinny. Everyone knew that wouldnt change with the weight loss. I hate everything about me. When my kids are adults I feel like I should apologize for giving them my genes.  The therapist is going to work on that with me, not that its fixable because its not.

Today was a prime example of how I know I have to be the ugliest woman to ever walk this earth. There is a certain someone in my department that thinks she is the cats meow! She struts and acts all nice but really she is a hateful vindictive bitch. With a big ass I might add. She wears clothes that are not suited for her attributes. Today a friend of mine said..."Amanda I think her ass is bigger then yours..." So I said "are you saying that I had/have a big ass?" She just looked at me and smiled and I said see gotcha. So all this time I've thought this woman was my friend...she is my friend and look at what she was thinking this whole time. I know that they think I'm just the typical fat person. THey dont know what a typical fat person is. So that sucked

Then just twenty minutes ago I was dropping of the kids at my Father in law's church youth group and I swear someone made a fat joke. 

I could puke I hate myself so much right now. I am thinking about all the things Dan says to me about how pretty I am how much weight I've lost. How much he thinks I have a nice ass, I think he just says those things so he'll believe them not me.  Well I'm off to hang my head in shame. I've got to get back to pick up the kids.

Peace and Protein

Amanda


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