See my collarbones!

I've been on a 10 day road trip with a bunch of artist friends - flew to Seattle, then drove to the Columbia Gorge, to Hood River then up to Eastern Washington and back down again.  Lots of exposure to restaurant food, eating in public, loss of control over having my own food around.  I was also pretty active since we were out painting, hiking and sightseeing.  I had a really good time, did lots of shopping for cute, body fitting tops (my sister being my own personal "What not to Wear" guide - without the $5,000 credit card though.)  Flew home last night.

Got on the scale this morning to take account of the damage:  and the scale finally moved down!!!!  I am finally out of the 30 BMIs!  I am 29.7 BMI!!!  And just 1.2 pounds till ONEDERLAND!!!  I can't wait!!!

I'm almost scared to post this, for jinxing the end to my 4.5 month stall, but I really hope the is the beginning of a new period!!!

Yipee!!!

As for what I was doing on vacation:  nothing radical.  Trying to eat as much protein, but having to settle for things like:  tuna salad (no bread), hamburger patties, some carbs in crackers, some really good dinners out (great black cod on morrells and spinach) and a few bites of dessert.  Lots of hiking interspersed with several days of sitting in a car.

So just changes, I guess that might have been good for me.  For whatever reason, I am so glad.

I think we each need to redefine success for ourselves.  We each know, knew or will know what weight is reasonable when we get closer to it.  The major reason I chose weight loss surgery is that the loss can be maintained, as demonstrated by the high percentage people who have lost over 50% of their excess body weight.

For some people achieving and maintaining a BMI of 18 - 24 will be their success.  For some of us it might be achieving and maintaining a BMI above 24!  Just think what a relief to your body and your mental health to look good and feel good, whether you are 5' 4" and 150 pounds, 5' 9' and 180 pounds, or 5'7" and 135 pounds.  If your blood pressure, diabetes, GERD, or whatever medical measures you chose are improved, then I would consider that a success.

Some of us have been losing weight and getting down to numbers that we would have considered a laughable fantasy, others of us have been doing everything we can, only to find that our bodies are healthier but the scale doesn't drop like it does for others.

I find myself in the position of looking the best that I have for over 15 years, wearing size 14 pants, size large tops, getting compliments right and left.  If I look at the scale and my BMI, I have a way to go, but I have recently decided to consider myself a success story at this point.

My blood pressure is terrific, my blood tests are all normal, I am active, I look good.  I plan on continuing my eating plan for the next year (800 calories a day) and see what happens, I'd love to lose another 50 pounds, but would settle for 35, and will take whatever I get!!!

I think that goals can motivate you, but if you base your self esteem on a number you may find that you define yourself by that number alone.  If you find, as I have, that your body has a different number in mind, it can set you up for crippling doubts, short-term last ditch bad diet thinking, rather than long term healthy eating.  So keep yourself open to what happens!

I made an appointment with Jeanette at LapSF, she is their nutritionist.  She was really nice, I wanted to have her evaluate my current eating habits in view of the long period of no weight loss I've been experiencing.  I am glad that this service is available from LapSF,  the "aftercare" is a bit limited since I don't live near the office, but this phone consult worked well for me.  (If you have read previous posts, you will know that I had a very discouraging talk with Dr. C. in October, and really don't want to follow up with him, he just told me I need to lose faster  . . .  which believe me, I would  if I could.)
 
I talked to Jeanette this morning, she seemed really nice, practical and REAL.  She said my calories looked good (I sent her a log of my food from Wednesday - Saturday from thedailyplate) - 600 - 800 calories ( I was being pretty good since I knew I'd be sending it all to her. And once I decided to do it, it wasn't hard to stick to those numbers. ) She also said quantities looked good (like 3/4 - 1 cup of chili for a meal).  She said exercise was good - 3 x a week at 45 min of cardio and to do my weights also.  I sent her my weight chart and she didn't yell at me at all!  She really didn't say anything about it, just asked me about my goal and gave me some suggestions and said to email her anytime with questions and to stay in touch.  Foodwise she said to look at the protein bars (I have been eating a South Beach Diet protein bar every day or so when I have to run out the door) and to try and find ones that were less than 130 calories and less than 6 grams of sugar (she said thats more important that the carb count).  Also said to have low calorie snacks like carrot sticks and to keep the 3 meals calorie dense and satisfying.  I described the protein balls to her, and mentioned the Splenda concerns and she suggested just using sugar, since us Sleeversters don't dump on sugar.

It was so good to just have a normal conversation and be told that I'm doing the right thing!!!  I told her that Dr. Cirangle told me I was losing too slow, and she said, yeah, she hears that he says that a lot, but she didn't follow up with any scold of her own, so I think that she has a bit more prosaic view of the whole weight loss game.  Really, its not like you can't lose weight after some magic time period!  It would be nice to lose quicker, but I don't think any of us has a lot of control over that!

She was a personal trainer, so she is big on exercise, and thought that my routine was fine.  Thats good, because its a very good week when I actually get all 3 days in!  She didn't give me any predictions or set any goals for me, she asked what my goal was, and I said that I'd love to be 159, and that if I was 175 for the rest of my life that would be OK, but I'll try for the lower weight because it would be a normal BMI.  I do remember being 150 (when I was 35) and it was brief and never felt like a weight I could maintain for long, but that might have been because of the starvation I'd endured to get there!

I think that things are going to start moving again, I lost a "new" pound on Sunday, which I gained back on Monday - after eating less than 500 calories!!!  (salt I think) so I'm hopeful that I'll reach onederland sometime soon.  I will take out an above the fold ad in this forum when that happens!

I'm feeling 100% better now that I've checked in with her.  I feel like I'm getting follow-up from the office, and helpful, real advice, rather than unrealistic expectations (guess who?)

I have not seen any progress on the scale, its very wierd.  I am eating less than 700 calories a day, AND exercising.  I have an phone appointment with the surgeon's office nutritionist on Monday.  I'll send her an email with my food logs and exercise for a few days and we can discuss.

I finally identified the feelings I have been having when looking at my friends' successes after WLS.   I remember when I was trying to get pregnant, it took me two years (I was 40 years old when I started to try), and I had the same sinking feeling of a mixture of envy and loss when my friends were getting pregnant left and right.  I was happy for them, but felt excluded from something that I was longing for so much.

I feel better about identifying that feeling and my history with it.  On the other hand I have been successful, just not a meteorically as some of my sleeve sisters.  But it has been very hard to keep the faith these past 2 months of no progress on the scale.  I have to say that my clothes are probably fractionally looser, but not dramatically.

I hope the nutritionist can help.

I took the online PCOS test that Noel had posted, and I don't have that, so its not insulin resistance, on that account anyway. . . .

I am willing to do some extreme dieting here, IF I see some results.  I have been stuck on the scale for almost 2 months.  I've been eating well, have been exercising, but no go.  So, rather than just sit here, I am willing to see if some extreme measures will have an effect.  I am having 3 high protein EAS shakes a day (150 calories and 27 grams of protein each) and a few other low carb choices to see if I can't kick some metabolic butt.

After one day of liquids I managed to gain a pound, so not sure what the heck is up!  I might have to forgo the scale, but I don't want to get too many expectations built up and then get disappointed after sacrifice and effort . . .

So - this is not EASY!!!  But it is easier than without the VSG, I am not fighting real hunger, mostly head hunger and emotional issues.  And I'm fighting from a good place - I look so much better and feel lots better than I did 46 pounds ago!!!