- Name: Jacqueline H.
- Username: Jacque1in
- Location: Lawrenceville, NJ, USA
- Member Since: 10/9/2006
- BMI: 41.6
- Post Op
- Surgery Type: RNY (07/19/07)
- Surgeon: Louis G Fares, II
Before & After
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- Books & Literature - Well-written non-fiction, thrillers, mysteries, suspense
- Parenting - Blessed by having a wonderful son
- Movies - Adventure, action, mysteries, suspense, comedies
- Radio & Television - Grey's Anatomy, Dexter, Lost, reality TV
- History - Librarian/archivist who loves local, American and British history.
- Autism - Son with autistic spectrum disorder and MR, born 1987
- Computer and Internet Surfing - Surfing news sites and tv fan sites
- Talk Radio Listening - I don't know much new music because I'm an NPR geek
- WLS in your 40's - Constantly dealing with the issues of getting older
- Reading - Librarian who prefers non-fiction, thrillers, mysteries, suspense
Post-surgery cardiology visit on September 18, 2007 4:00 pm
I saw Dr. DeStefano yesterday and he was very happy with the weight loss since my last visit. I hadn't really thought about it, but I was nearly 40 lbs heavier as recently as May! I'm getting used to my new, smaller size, and somehow the time line has gone fuzzy in my mind about what I weighed when.
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My PCP had taken me off one of my Coreg doses, but Dr. D. said that the kind of Coreg I have been taking is not long-acting so once a day is not good enough. He is switching me to a one-a-day version instead. I was at 118/80, which seems like a good reading to me.
The only downside was that when they did my EKG, I was throwing a lot of PVCs for the first time in years. Dr. D. had never actually seen them on any of my EKGs up until this point, although I told him about my history with them. I wasn't having any caffeine yesterday, but I had been having some stomach soreness, so maybe that influenced them. In any case, I don't have to worry about them unless they start to make me faint, which they never have.
Faculty picnic on August 30, 2007 4:19 pm
Tonight was the opening of the school year faculty picnic and I took Dan and Danny along with me. Negotiating the buffet line was much easier than some of the formal dinners we are invited to throughout the year. I ended up selecting 1 1/2 oz of fish with a black bean salsa on it, some fresh fruit salad (blueberries, watermelon, grapes, strawberries, etc.), and a piece of the portabella mushroom with melted cheese, peppers and pesto sauce on it. (That last item was a little inch wedge -- you would have had to eat either four or six to get a whole mushroom.)
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I don't know if it was because everything was pretty soft or what, but I was still hungry when I finished my first plate, so I had a second piece of fish (another 1 1/2 oz.) and a tablespoon of baked beans. Then I felt satisfied and was able to watch Dan and Danny eat dessert (petit four cakes) with no envy at all.
Nonetheless, I realized something. I ate that second plate more because I was anxious about the situation than being truly, 100 % hungry. I was tense because I spilled something on my blouse and didn't have my Shout stick with me to make sure it didn't set. I was even more anxious because I realized I am ALWAYS anxious when we are in a social situation with Danny and a "normal" population. He was behaving just fine, although I was embarassed when I noticed his nails were not as clean as I'd like. But I realize that I am ALWAYS tense when I am around him with other people because *I* don't know how to behave in front of "normal" people when I am with him. We do tend to still talk to him like a 4-year-old at times ("Dan, don't shovel your food." "Dan, wipe your mouth, baby, you have crumbs on it.") and I feel self-conscious that it comes across as if I am a control freak because he is, after all, 20, developmentally delayed or not. It makes me feel like a bad mother in front of people I don't usually spend that much time with. I guess I only really feel comfortable in front of close friends or other special needs parents, because I am NEVER self-conscious about my interactions with him in situations with people from those two groups.
And of course, when I feel that way, what do I want to do to stuff down those feelings? I want to eat something to distract myself from feeling crummy. I think there was definitely some of that going on tonight in that second plate of food.
The whole thing left me feeling kind of sad and down tonight, like a failed mother. That's even worse than being fat.
First day back to work on August 27, 2007 6:30 pm
I finally went back to work today, 5 weeks post-surgery. I could have gone back earlier, probably at 2 weeks, but my surgery was timed so that I had only two weeks of disability to worry about before my annual 3-week vacation, giving me the total of five weeks off.
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As I expected, I ate SO much less today because I was back at work! I had 1/2 c. of cottage cheese for breakfast, a cheese stick at 11:30 when my blood sugar felt low, then 3/4 of a chicken fillet and 1/2 slice of tomato for lunch. (And I do mean half a SLICE of tomato!) In the mid-afternoon when my sugar felt low again, I ate a very small banana. I was starving for dinner when I got home at 4:30, so we had dinner early and I had a HC TV dinner of meatloaf and asparagus. Then I had a board meeting tonight, after which I had some crackers with melted cheese and salsa. In between, I got most of my water for the day, and at least 70 gm of protein, so I feel I did well.
While I definitely felt I grazed less at work, it is still going to be a challenge adjusting to eating at school. I think I've got great choices there, but it's just getting over the psychological adjustment t o eating differently in that familiar place. It felt very strange to go through the various lines (entrees, salad, deli) and fully grasp exactly how little I could eat. I picked out the chicken patty and two tomato slices, but I could NOT eat all of that when it came down to it! It was definitely weird as well to be the person at my lunch table with the smallest selections and finding that every one else's plates looked inedibly huge to me, even if they were objectively normal lunches. (For instance, one person had a sandwich and some yogurt with fruit and nuts mixed in -- very healthy, but about six MEALS for me.)
It was an eye-opening experience. The next big test will be to see how faculty in-service goes tomorrow.
1 month out on August 22, 2007 1:21 pm
I saw the surgeon's office for my one month appointment last Friday and my weight was down 3 pounds from the last visit two weeks ago, a total of 43 pounds. I was pleasantly surprised since the scale had not moved for almost 2 weeks, hovering around 260/259 every day. I assume that was just my body adjusting to the big change in my weight over the past month.
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Because I'm tolerating solid food very well, Valerie was pleased with how I am doing. She told me I should expect to lose 3-6 lbs a month from here on out, which is less than I had heard on the boards. I'm just glad that the next day or two after the visit, the scale started moving again. After my shower this morning I actually weighed 255, although I won't count it as an "official" weight until I go to the office.
First walk around complex on July 23, 2007 6:29 pm
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I was mostly lazy today because it was raining for most of it, but I did finally go for a walk around the apartment complex tonight during the evening news. Instead of just walking down to the end of the building, or taking a short cut around, I did the full loop this time. By the time I reached that last turn, I was tired enough to want to rest for a second, but I still managed to get back home without giving up and calling Dan on the cell to come rescue me.
I’m looking forward to trying protein drinks starting tomorrow. The clear liquid diet is starting to taste incredibly monotonous with nothing but fruit flavors and broth. The thought of a vanilla or chocolate protein shake sounds mouth-watering at this point.
I have been having food dreams. The night before the surgery, I dreamed I was eating something at my mom’s house and remembered I couldn’t eat it, so just chewed it up and spit it out. Last night, it was chasing giant slices of pizza that were blowing away on the wind in a park or cemetery. I keep reminding myself that it isn’t that I won’t ever eat again as that I just can’t eat as much of the same things.
Meanwhile, something must be working as it is supposed to as I am now down to 269.
I thought I was fat in high school because I weight 155 lbs. In retrospect, given my build, I was probably at most 10 lbs overweight and simply out of shape. Too bad we didn't have the kind of body-awareness education then that girls today do, even if it isn't always effective even now!
When I went off to college and discovered dorm food, I didn't gain just the traditional freshman 15. I kept going until by my junior year I had ballooned up to 198. Part of this was that I developed a habit of periodical binging under stress for the first time in my life -- and I found college very stressful, especially given my parents' divorce in my Freshman year.
After graduation, my weight stayed stable at 198 through my wedding until I got pregnant in 1986. While pregnant, I only gained 18 lbs, but since my baby was born three months prematurely, it's hardly fair to compare to other people's pregnancies. I stabilized at 213 immediately after the baby's birth, but then shot up an additional 25 lbs in the six months that followed while my son remained hospitalized in an NICU unit. Not only was he critically ill for many of those months, but the hospital was 45 miles away, meaning we had a nightly round trip commute of 90 miles to see him. The stress of that situation added to eating a lot of fast food and quick hospital meals added that additional weight very quickly.
At some point after my son came home on oxygen, I remember stabilizing around 242 for some time. By working hard at diet and exercise, I eventually lost some of the weight and got down to 213 again. Around that time, when my son was five years old, my husband and I decided to divorce. Again under stress, my weight yo-yoed between the 220s and 240s as I continually gained and dieted the gains off. By 1997 or so, I had gone up to 260, however.
In 1998, I decided to go to graduate school to become a librarian. My first year in school, thanks to walking everywhere on campus and having no time to eat, I lost 20 lbs without even trying. I decided to push myself further and joined Weight Watchers and succeeded by 2000 with a great deal of effort in getting down to 198 for the first time in 15 years.
That's when I took a new job and moved across country to New Jersey. While I loved my new job, I had no local support system, which was challenging because I needed to find appropriate child care and education for my son. Now a teenager, he has cognitive problems and seizures from his premature birth and requires 24/7 supervision. My ex-husband ended up moving back in with us to help take care of him since it was too expensive to find the kind of care he required. This has worked out in the long-run as everyone adjusted, but it started out as a very stressful situation.
You can guess what happened since I was once again under major stress! The first year, it was only 20 lbs gained back, but for the first time, I had high blood pressure with only that little bit of weigh added back on. The second year, it was another 20 lbs, and so on and so until by 2006 I was more than 100 lbs heavier than when I moved here. In 2004, I was diagnosed with reasonably severe sleep apnea and in March of 2006, I also developed diabetes.
In spring 2006, my PCP suggested I consider WLS. His rationale was that if I didn't do it soon, at the rate I've been going in gaining weight, I might be facing an issue of increased risk for the surgery at increased weight further down the line. Although I was never gung ho about the idea in past years, I've since educated myself about the surgery and believe this is the best long-term solution for me. I want to be healthy again, and I want to be able to keep weight off, not continue to yo-yo up and down as I have most of my adult life.
I'm pursuing this path not only for myself, but for my family. My son is going to require supervised care for the rest of his life, and the last few years, I've become increasingly fearful about the possibility of my dying early because of my weight. I want to be around to take care of him for as long as I can.
10/3/06 - 301.4 in doctor's office, 305.2 at WW, BMI 49.2
11/6/06 - 291.8 in doctor's office (down 9.6 total), BMI 47.2
12/11/06 - 294.2 in doctor's office (+2.4 from previous, down 7.2 total)
1/15/07 - 292.4 in doctor's office (down 9.0 total), BMI 47.2
5/21/07 - 284.8 in doctor's office (down 16.6 total), BMI 46.0
7/2/07 - 278.1 in doctor's office (down 23.3 total), BMI 44.9
7/27/07 - 267.6 in doctor's office (down 33.8 total), BMI 43.2
8/3/07 - 262.2 in doctor's office (down 39.2 total), BMI 42.3
8/17/07 - 258.5 in doctor's office (down 42.9 total), BMI 41.7