Well here are the basics; I am 22 years old and a college student. I have been over weight all my life and dealt with it the best that I can. The only problem is that now my weight has gotten out of control, I have tried to deal with it by going to the gym, hiring a trainer, drinking more water and fruit but nothing has worked. People may think that I am lazy but what they don’t realized is that being overweight takes an serious toll on your life and its not something that I chose for myself. Yes, I have made mistakes by eating the wrong foods, but being overweight has a strong mental pull that keeps people down.
I am about to graduate from college in a few months and I want to get a good job. I don’t want employers to look over me because of my weight as I am qualified to work.
I am doing my best at this weight loss thing and I feel joining this website has greatly helped in the first step in taking care of my weight.
I am trying to find insurance to cover this procedure or I might have to wait until after I graduate to get the surgery.
I want the surgery because:
- I want to look good in my clothes
- I want to enjoy life as a young woman
- Want to live a long time
- Be an inspiration for someone else going through it
- Want my children to look up to me (don’t have any yet )
- Most importantly feel better about myself
Please I beg anyone reading my profile to add me as a friend and to send words of encouragement I really need them!
Thank you and God Bless!
It has been a long time since I was on this website and things have change. First, I got a car which means I can now go to seminars about weight lost. Second, I will be graduating in May 2010 with a BA in Journalism and African American studies. Also, I am submitting my manuscript to publishers and hoping that someone will take a chance on me. I still need the surgery and hate the ways I look. I can’t wait to graduate and get a job so I can finally afford to start my make over. Just a few more months. I am trying to hold on and hopefully something will come through.
It has been a while since I’ve been able to post on this site. School has been really busyand it has taken most of my time. Also, I wasn’t sure if I should post anything given that nothing major has happen when it comes to getting the surgery. I now have health insurance with my state and was initially really excited when I was told that it would cover surgery. However, when I called a second time, I was told it didn’t, even though the health insurance company (Badger Care Core Plus) never actually mentions that they do or don’t. It crushed my dreams until I stumbled across a 2008 form that states Badger Care covers the surgery if its deem medically necessary, so there seems like a little light at the end of the tunnel. And believe me its has been a tunnel. I have been depress and suicidal for a long time, with the only thing keeping me from doing something drastic is my writing. Writing is the canvas for which I can express myself and create a world that I control. I plan becoming a writer and so I struggle each day to do that.
When it comes to my weight it has been increasing which scares the crap out of me. Initially, before joining this site my weight was around 280 and now it is 327. My BM is 52 which classifies me as SUPER Obese, whatever that means I know I am. Just last week I went to my doctor and asked her to do a referral for me and plan on going to my the seminar at the Bariatric Center here in Madison, however, I just discovered that the bus doesn’t go out there and I don’t have a car. It seems as though the powers that be won’t let me have any peace. I am going to have to plan around it though because I know I have to prepare to get this procedure done. Until then however, I am plan on changing my eating habits, reducing the amount of sugar I am eating, and other junk. I also have to exercise and while this all sounds well and good, I tend to fall and give up. But now weighing close to 400 pounds, I can’t afford to give up.
So I have to make some changes in my life all around if this is ever going to work.
I feel like I am my own worst enemy, and don’t truly have a soul to talk to about it. My hopes of losing weight seem to be as far reached as my happiness, and yet apart of be obsess over the surgery as if its going to make me into this fairly tale image of the woman I want to be. Ever since I was young, I dreamed of walking into the room, with a slender body, looking beautiful, all eyes are on me, and men gawk over my new appearance. It sounds silly, outdated, and foolish for someone as young as I to think such things do, but I do. I never had any guy ever tell me that he likes me, never had any friends so maybe this is an extension of my loneliness.
I feel trapped inside this body, and I can’t leave it. I want to diet and exercise but my motivation seems to be there and be lost. I have no one close to me in this city, no one that can work with me personally and be there when I need it. I wish I looked like the women I see on television or at least those who I see on campus.
I am not strong enough to fight this, while I haven’t been a religious person, I could really use a one on one conversation with God right now. That’s if he is even real and cares.
I am depressed to the point where I am thinking about suicidal thoughts, being this heavy is driving me crazy, I obsess over having the surgery and piss because right now I can’t afford it. A big part of me wants to drop out of college and get a job so that I can pay for the insurance. I would rather be thin, and happy that fat and with a college degree. I feel as though I have run out of options, my family is no help either financially or emotionally, they don’t care about me, or how I feel. They think that diet, exercise is the key to everything, and while it will help I am pass the point where it is the only thing that can help. I am loss and don’t know what to do anyone, my life is going down hill and I am only 22.
I know it has been a while since I uploaded a blog, I been suffering from a serve case of laziness driven my depression. I had a doctor’s appointment to work due to chest pains and headaches partly due to sleep apnea. When the nurse took my weight, it was a whopping 312 pounds and believe me I am piss! I thought I was making progress and I just gained weight, but I am trying my best. Luckily for me at my campus there is a nutritionist that will work with me on developing a diet plan (or as I like to call it a life style plan) and I am going to keep on working with them.
I can’t wait until I get paid so that I can go grocery shopping and get some fruits and vegetables and start my new life. Although I must say, I am pleased that I threw out some unhealthy food like hamburgers, bacon, and other crap. For me that was a major break through. But I need to get more active something that I haven’t been ever! (If someone on this site is from UW-Madison and need a workout buddy let me know!)
Next week Jan 12 I have a appointment with my nutritionist so I am please. I want to her him or her talk me about is going on and fix this problem.
I don’t want to weight 312 pounds!
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