Photos
Mine (20)
I'm in (0)
Friends
Latest Surgery Support Comments
|
jamiecatlady5's Blog
What is your recipe for success?
Post Date: 3/23/08 5:21 am I recently responded to a post asking for some recipes as the 1 1/2 month postop loves to bake and cook and has a sweet toth that 'didn't go away as hoped' and that person is having many food cravings esp. salty/crunchy at times. They wanted ideas to cope/manage specifically a recipe or two! Now I saw this in a different light, I indeed responded differently. Here are my thoughts..PLEASE share with me yours and how far out you are as I know our thoughts/ideas can morph over time to things we never would of recognized in an earlier time! Some of these things you have heard me say over and over...but they ring true for me and are the principles I strive to enbrace~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I can so appreciate & relate to your current issues. I hope in sharing my story it may help some (although in an indirect way perhaps). My experience was similar. I was THE BAKER, THE COOK in the family. I obtained great joy, satisfaction and self esteem from these titles! I also obtained a morbidly obese body from tasting the fruits of my labor! It wasn't just the food for me, it was the psychological conceptual framework if you will that I operated from. This included Food=love, I cooked/baked to show others how I felt about them. I ate to feel loved as well! I cooked/baked/ate when I was sad, angry, bored, fearful (anxious) or lonely....I cooked/baked to fit in, hey if I was overweight I'd help everyone else be that too (subconciously)! It lessened my shame so to speak. Many with eating disorders do this I find. The first 2 months were such a emotional challenge for me. Liquids for first 2 wks, then again at 1 month out for 2 more weeks after a second surgery for a stricture from adhesions that caused an obstruction. This was a time my food addiction was very apparent. I couldn't chew anything to soothe what I was feeling! So I switched to watching the Food Network (AKA food porn LOL!) really. I had to have it.....Now fast forward to 7 months out, I had lost all but 15# of excess wt, was feeling awesome no physical hunger, wt flew off etc but I was still the same person, yes I ate smaller portions and exercised as well daily (it became an addiction as well that I am still working on today at 5 1/2 yrs out) ~B~U~T~ I did not change my thoughts, my use of psychology so my hunger returned(from all the dreaded carbs I ate albeit in small quantities that bit me in the but!) I could eat a greater variety and quantity of foods so yikes, I worried about regain!!! The fear fueled my exercise compulsion I HAD to do it daily, I had to do at least 7 hrs cardio a week, I had to spend 10 hrs at least in the gym or else (I am not sure my world would crash?)...I refocused at 7-12 months out, I found that my sugar cravings were in addition to emotional cues to soothe/numb/avoid/pu What I had failed to discover to this point at 1-2 yrs out was the enormity of the decision I had made, what effort I would need to make FOREVER to live a healthy life. One that was surounded by support(online and in person), one that was full of my self awareness, my personal consistent RESPONSIBILTY and ACCOUNTABILITY! So into therapy I went by years 3-4 the emotional toll was great. I had changed, I physically was close to 160# lighter but my brain was still as heavy as preop. Filled with old negative tapes, low esteem, codependant characteistics that I found I was grazing to feed/calm/soothe/avo What I found is the little things I so worried about (such as what to bring, if I needed a fan, if I could bring extra pillows or having the perfect plan postop, the perfect recipe etc really were attempts to soothe my anxiety and fear of the unknown (death, would I succeed/fail!), now I see that but the lesson just keeps coming up until I master it, the lesson is acceptance, letting go, making a decision and being ok with the outcome regardless if it turns out as I hoped because my plan is not always what is best for me! I became consumed with WLS in general so much I 'lost my life/identity' to that LABEL (I was a WLS person) when in fact I am much more than that. That despite the OPERATION the need for myself to do personal growth (therapy, 12 step work, develop supportive network, learn to take care of me FIRST) around my personality/characte Surgery was the easy part looking back although going through it I thought it was the hard part (ha how skewed that was!) living the lifestyle after in a consistent, self responsible manner is the most CHALLENGING thing I have ever chosen to do, I did not realize preop the immense effort it takes each moment to be healthy! It is so worth that energy though the freedom it brings! Sometimes we consume our lives with food, thinking about what we can and can not have, when we can eat or should eat, how much, how often, how it should be cooked, when to buy it, how much, etc that we occupy so much time and do not even realize that we have no time left to feel (the point) in an addiction, it takes over us so we can forget us and what we are scared/fearful of feeling/being. I think the WLS lifestyle can be a sort of addiction and escape for a while (until life overwhelms the beauty of the honeymoon!) and for myself exercise became an obsessive addiction as well. I feel this is a courageous step we take, and it's not just about weight changing, eating the right food/recipe -- it's about life changing. This is why so many of us are challenged by the enormity of the decision. Food cravings typically are in relation to out emotions. Different things signal different needs, as long as we focus on the gut to meet that need of the spirit/heart/head it willnever be filled and instead we go around hungry still....I shifted my thinking and identity away from food altogether. I rarely bake as I once did. I decided I can be loved for and love others in ways w/o food. Society is so obese that I do not need to add to the epidemic by baking weekly and at holidays (I kid you not I made at least 14 batches cookies 5 batches of fudge and countless batches of peanut britle around Christmas) Initially I wondered, what will people think if I don't? Well no one reallynoticed and hey I had more time. I discovered relationships are more inportant than the food. Eating out is about being with friends and family NOT the food. Reframing the importance of eating to live vs living to eat is helpful for me. I can cook but it doesn't have to be the way I show love/care/conscern or nurture those (kill them really!) I can now more than ever let go, accept what is, be in the moment with many uncomfortable feelings, not need to eat them down/away. I can listen to my body to tell me what I need really listen. I am not perfect (do not want to be) but this is my process, slow s it has been. So for me the recipe is self awareness, self love, acceptance, letting go with a dash of friendship, a cup of support, and maybe a pound or two of therapy along the way! I couldn't change mylife alone, I do not think anyone can.TOgether we can share our strength, hope and support and with that pay it forward. We can not keep what we do not give away!!! Ask yourself, what am I REALLY hungry for? Many of us find in the quietness of our mind the heart says it is not food....We used to meet all our neds with food, now is a great opportunity to discover other ways to get out needs met w/o food, to realign food in a new way, refocus and reframe its place in our lives. Taking the emphasis off it we once had..In that we are free to be, discover and live fully! I wish you well. Thanks for the topic again! I needed to remind myself how far I have come and how far I desire to go! So my 'some more ideas' are not going to be recipe based, if you are not already consider some personal growth work (individual or/and group therapy, self help books such as those by www.geneenroth.com or Linda Spangle's Life is hard, food is easy etc, 12 step groups as indicated (CODA.org, OA.org etc)....I do cook and i do bake but they no longer define me, I define me and there is so much more I can give and be! http://www.obesityhe 2 Comment(s)
Comment by jamiecatlady5 on Nov 02, 2008 at 10:02am
Thanks Leah!
Login to leave a comment. << Blog Home |
Add as a Friend
Send Message
Member Card
Block Member
Leah Voss
leahjvoss@yaho