My DH was laid off, found work, married off a kid, I was laid off, we filed bankruptcy, I helped my mom through breast cancer, regained employment, and now fighting breast cancer myself. Yes, it's been a crazy road since I last posted anything here. All in all, not doing to bad. Mom hit her 3 yr survival mark this month. I have gone thru mastectomy and the beginning of reconstruction. May or may not require chemo, don't know yet. Thru it all, I have maintained my weight. I was actually worried I would lose too much if I have to do chemo. I put on about 5 pounds while home for 6 weeks. I expect that to fall back off now I'm back to work. Another two surgeries targeted for April/May. If no chemo. Fingers crossed for that. Marrying another kid off next March and hoping I won't still be trying to grow hair back. Or finishing up re-creating my boobs.

I have been away! Not physically . . . mentally? No, just cyberly. I have been job hunting, going to school, and helping my husband with some side jobs to try and recover money to replace our motorcycle. We lost a lot in that bankruptcy. We still have our house, but only thru November unless I can find part time work by then. I only need to earn about $1000 a month. No one seems willing to BELIEVE that and take a chance on hiring me . . . my age, my previous income, whatever. I just keep hitting a brick wall. I know I can do the jobs I apply for. They are just afraid I am over qualified or will become bored with the job or disatissfied with the income. I would NOT be disatissfied with the means to keep my home. I just need a chance to prove it!

So, other than that, I am maintaining at 130 #, not where I want to be but better than the 220# that I was! Part of it, I think, is the birth control pills I am on, going on a year now, for my iron control. This will be my last three months. My obgyn inferred I am close to menopause anyway, so things should be tapering off. If the pharmacy had not ignored my order not to autofill the prescription, I'd be off of them already but since they did, I'm not throwing away pills I was forced to pay for.
Being home has also been a problem. While working, my foods were actually better controlled as I would take with me a meal or protein drink, then have dinner and no 'foraging'. I now have full access to the supply, so I tend to graze on 'crap'. I am taking a nutrition class right now, and hopefully can get myself back on track.

You would also think that being home would get me out and moving, but no. I am on the computer all afternoon (school and job search), catching up with programs on DVR in the morning while having my coffee and very late breakfast. It seems I rarely leave the house (being short vehicles right now doesn't help). I cross my fingers every day for a call, an interview, even another shot at taking a TEST for a job. Sure things never pan out, and I am giving up hope.

Earlier this year my mother went through a double mastectomy after being diagnosed stage 3 breast cancer. She couldn't get definite verification of cancer in the second breast due to there not being a large enough MRI machine to fit her in without her claustrophobia kicking in, so she opted for a double. I have spent a few weeks just hanging out with her while she went through chemo. She is now going through radiation but I have been unable to get up there to help her with that. During my visits and phone calls with her, I have tried to encourage her to re-consider bypass. She's already been qualified, medically. I keep telling her, her insurance is going to pay for breast reconstructions anyway, why not go for it?  All she'd have to pay for would be the LBL and any other plastics she desired. I have to pay for it ALL. She doesn't think 'a 70 yr old lady is worth the trouble'. I tell her she's worth it! She's our mom, of COURSE she's worth it!

Well, I need to get back to my studying. I need to find an Entrepreneuer to interview, by this weekend! I hate small towns - I still don't know anyone well enough, outside of my former job (from which I cut ALL ties), to call on people for interviews. This is gonna be a tuff assignment to complete.

 Well, so much for the interview last month. It is now one month later, Christmas is coming, and we are a little closer to no longer paying the mortgage. There are just no jobs out there. Even Target said they had nothing for me! It'll be a very slim holiday, but fortunately our kids are all grown, and they understand what's going on. And hey, at least I'm going to school!. I am enrolled full time for next semester, working around the possibility of finding work. I am taking a pilates/aerobics class as one of my units. It's being taught by a lady I used to work out with when she ran Slender Lady 10 years ago. If she even remembers me, she will not recognize me. Anyway, I am looking forward to that, to help kick my butt in gear! I can't say I am looking forward to the other 11 units though . . .  scarey! 
My son surprised me by driving down with his family for Thanksgiving. Got to see my grandson for the third time. He's almost 2 1/2, and very much in the terrible twos stage, and WELL SPOILED by his parents. His heart condition, though considered cleared, is having long-term ill-effects. Hopefully, that changes soon. ; )
I am doing ok, healthwise. Still at 130#, Dr's goal. Suffering a kidney infection right now, along with return of menses after 6 months of seasonal birth control for the low-iron anemia. I see the hematologist this week; will see if I am maintaining my iron, or dropping again since the infusion. Do I still need the colonoscopy? Hopefully not. Maybe being off the control for a few months will show the loss was there the whole time, and he'll put me back on them. I kind of enjoyed having no cycle but every 3 months. TMI here, but ever since I stopped the iron tabs and the initial iron infusion left my immediate system, my bowels have been more like an aerated waterfall! Not sure what's going on with that. Haven't been back to the surgeon's office since being referred to the hematologist. Lost my insurance right after the infusion, so I had to put everything off. Just got coverage again, but I'm too busy this month to make it in. Soon as I can get in, I'll ask about the weird plumbing activity. 
And, DAMN, do I need a job to help pay for some boobs!!! I am TIRED of my tube socks! I also really just noticed my saggy ass. How ugly is THAT!
Well, laptop typing is very uncomfortable on my abdomen right now, so this is it for this post. Fingers crossed for better news next time.

Been out of work for two months. Not seeing much out there that I am qualified to do, other than stuff that just can't beat unemployment income. Right now, we NEED the unemployment amount, not for me to be 'off the gov't dime'. I paid into it, so I deserve it, but some people make me feel guilty for taking it. We must pay the mortgage, you know? Everything out there is part time, temporary (seasonal), $8/hr, or WAY out of my league. I have my first interview tomorrow and am a nervous wreck about it. I have never had a forml interview. All my past jobs were acquired with minimal interview. Basically, made sure I could write, add, etc. Or started as a temp, then stayed. This one tomorrow is being done by an interview team, brought in to process probably close to 300 people (I'm guessing that many got the invite out of the 450 that were skill tested).
Anyway, it seems like I have been busy the last two months. Studying more than I could when I was working. I ought to ACE this semester. ; ) Helped my DH with a side job; cleaned house top to bottom for our annual Halloween bash; now I get to host Thanksgiving again so I have begun prepping for that. Attempting to make some baby clothes for a shower this weekend. All in addition to searching the internet for job leads.
So, why can't I motivate to do something for myself? For my body? DH HATES my lost breasts, as well as the no more tushy. I admit, I hate the losses too, but what can I do about them? With no job, there's no hope of saving up for PS . . . We filed bankruptcy on our credit debt, losing two cars and our bike in the process, and don't even know if we'll still have a home in a few months. It's so depressing. I just don't want to think about it all, but I must! 
My friends convinced me to go to the Renaissance Faire last month. I had a good time, but couldn't let loose! Every picture we took, I have my hands folded over my stomach. Why? 3 out of 5 of us have had RNY, and the other 2 still have a chest. DH was bothered by that - why do they, and not I?? Then at Halloween, they all showed up as pirates, VERY cleavaged, just to press the point home. No pun intended. So that didn't help in the depression area. I don't want to get any more down!
I WANT to be healthy & fit, and at goal. I'm AT goal, but have not reached my under-goal bounce back area. I'm having a hard time affording my vitamins, but I am getting them in still. I'm doing much better since my iron infusion, but still need my colonoscopy. Still need to find a new primary doc. Lots of stuff went by the wayside when I lost my job and insurance. I have the Wii, but just can't seem to get back to the exercise. When I do, I scroll thru all the exercises and don't want to do most of them. I'm afraid of hurting my ankle again, or having my shoulder bursitis flare back up. I can't afford to be on an injured list while job hunting and, hopefully, interviewing.
I do know I need to stop eating candy. Don't know why I have allowed myself to do it, but I have been consuming 2 or 3 miniature candy bars since we bought for Halloween. It's all gone now, and I have paid the price; not in gains, but in weird bowels. It has to be the sugar. Time to find out, now there's no more to tempt me. I am taking my magnesium and zinc at night, so I don't suffer the stomach upset they were giving me. My leg cramps have mostly gone away, so I am glad that vitamin change is doing it's job.
Well, time to re-write my resume and rip out the elastic on the sewing I've done so far. Then try on clothes for tomorrow, so I don't look TOO much like I don't know what I'm doing. Hopefully by the next time I Blog I'll be gainfully employed, and have the ability to DREAM again.

It has been MONTHS since I blogged. Geez. And it's nothing good this time. 

I went from doing well, but really busy to - life Sucks and don't know what to do about it.

Wednesday I spent 90 minutes on the phone with a BK attny, ready to file Ch 7 the next afternoon, after confirming some things with my family. Walked in to work Thur morning, walked out 30 minutes later, for good. Laid off, after nearly ten years. Just been in shock all weekend; trying to stay out of the fridge. Super depressed, since we had just decided to file and get out from under. Now we are more under than before. I figure, since my DH is with a new job at 2/3 his 2008 income, we'll lose the house in about six months. We have suffered three layoffs in the last three years. I have No benefits right now, with a colonoscopy scheduled on the 28th; not sure what to do about that, either. DH's insurance is not great, but COBRA is gonna be outrageous, so . . .

Trying to look forward, to finding a better job for either one, or both, of us. My small severance will pay for us to relocate, if necessary. Once we lose the house, what's the difference where we rent. Might as well look for a better job, wherever, then move there.

I can kiss any PS goodbye for a good long time. Still fighting to get to MY goal. I've been within reach of the Dr's goal for months! Can't seem to get that last five pounds outta here, and now with all day at home, it's gonna be a more difficult battle. Trying to stay busy with helping my DH on his hobby work, with a small side job going a little faster with me being home, but it's not gonna pay the bills.

Well, gonna go try and pick up my last round of BC pills on my insurance and hope they allow it. Then back home to clean house and make cookie dough for a fundraiser this weekend. Not to worry. All will be baked off for sale or shipment to my sons away at college.