Ok I got a letter from the mamogram place and it said that they didn't detect cancer, but that the masses need to be more indepth examind (sp?)
My drs appointment was changed to the 31st.. so thats tomorrow, we'll see whats up then and I'll update for all to see.. 
Chow for now.
God bless you all
Paula

Well yesturday was my mamogram (i think I'm spelling that wrong, sorry) anyhow they found 3 lumps there and then sent me over to get an ultrasound on those lumps/bumps.. while talking with the lady at the mamogram place she asked if I did self exams and I said of course so she then asked how long I noticed those lumps and I told her the one i have had for about 4 years and its been growing and the other about three years.. But because I was "bigger" the dr contributed them to me being "heavy" and the lady got so mad. Not at me but at the dr for not listening to me, for them just taking it into acount that its just "fat cells"... anyhow I went for the ultrasound and I swear it lasted longer than any of them from when I was pregnant.. So who knows I wont know anything until next week.. Said it will take at the minumum 2 days to read the results and then I have an appointment already with my gyno on the 24th.. so we'll see what happens.
I figure I don't have big breasts anyhow so if they have to take them then they will have to put something back in there, I wont be able to handle not haveing anything. :( I know, I know I would rather have life and health than those things, but lets face it, if a guy has to have his manhood taken off what will his mind be like? 
Take care all
God bless you all
Paula

Ok so I wheighed myself againg today.. its been over a week and I weigh 172 so that means I have officialy lost 100 pounds since I started this journey over a year ago.. by my drs records for the first time I saw him I still have 3 more pounds.. but that will be ok.. I'll get there.
My weight loss surgery was August 13th, 2007 its been a very rocky journey for me mentally. I don't think they talk about the mental stuff as much as the physical stuff so let me just through it out there. You are not insain, your hormones are jumping all over the place, you will be ok... In time..
I get more iratated and then there are days where I feel like water off a ducks tail, everything just gluides right off of me.. 
There are days where I can sleep for 2 hours and be up and ready to run a marathon.. and then there are days where I can't bring myself to gettting out of bed..
I started my next term in college and Im taking psycology one and business comunication essentials.. what a combination.. lol
well I'll update in a few day.
God bless you all
Paula

Ok I am very excited about the new year and not being almost 300 pounds.. :) yay.. I keep going from 172 to 179 depends on time of month... :( I want to stay below 172 as that will mean that I officialy lost 100 lbs.
I had my yearly girly check up yesturday and they found "masses" in my left breast, I have been telling them for years that there is a "bump" there but they just pushed it off as "fat cells" so now what??? Well here is a place where I warn you all to make sure you get your drs to work for you..... If you find a lump make sure that they do something about it.. Prayers would be very nice at this time to.... :)
I have lots of questions at this point as far as cloths, like I can wear a size 13-14 but my back kills me so I'll put on my 16 sometimes 18 jeans and they are very baggy on my legs and butt, but not my waist. Does that make sense???  Can I wear a corrset/bustie (sp?) will that hurt me or my surgery??
School isn't going so well this term, I completely lost all hope and didn't do very well at all. I am back on my Cymbalta :) it helps with the depression. I didn't think that I would be this depressed, but it happens. Im trying not to turn to food for comfort and ussually it works but I have had a couple of cookies (low sugar) but I didn't want to put sweets in my mouth after going through surgery and I ended up doing just that :(... so my guilt goes along with the depression..
Sometimes I feel like I'm going through this alone. Like the other day when I ate a potatoe chip my son comes in and goes "you're going to stretch your pouch".... :(  he had a right to worry after all I did do this surgery for health reasons and eating a chip and cookie isn't a good thing.. So I would be very hipicritical to my children if I don't get back on track. I will try harder.  If you ever feel alone in this process, please email me, we all are in this fight together.. I may not have answers, but I do have a great listening ear.

Well I better go,
God bless you all
Paula