This is going to be a very long blog.
Since I haven't been on here in over5 months a lot has happend.
I am single now, ok as near to single as one can get without having to go to court.
My husband has social anxiety disorder and bi polar disorder, no that doesn't give him an excuse as to what has happend but it does give some reasons as to what has happend.
In the past year as my weight has gone down he has become very distant and very much into himself. He has also made some new friends that are into things that I am not. Like drugs.... :( Sadly I have found out in the past two months that he has been doing things that I never thought he would do. :( With his anxiety disorder he wouldn't go out to places with me, unless it was real late at night or if we would go to the movies it was the late show and as soon as the movie ended we were out of there before anyone else. Many times we didn't even get to see the credits run.
His attitude about me changed as drastic as my weight. :( Maybe he is the type of man who wants a bigger person, and there is nothing wrong with that at all, but I wanted to be so much healthier and able to do things that I could only dream about, so I did go through with the surgery and I have gotten a lot healthier. I have went from 272 to 120 in a year. 152 pounds of unhealthy me gone..
Through the process he never said "I'm proud of you," or "you look good" or even said "nice job." I have felt lost and sometimes ashamed because I did something for myself for once in my life. I have noticed that we bigger people often do for others more than ourselves and when we finally do do something for ourselves people take an aproach towards us that isn't at all what was expected.
My heavier set friend has been so upset with me lately, sadly with this break up I have distanced myself from all people who say they love me, that she made the coment that "I'm just a skinny bi??? and I don't want to be around big people anymore." That is absolutely not true, I am devastated at what has happend in my life that I don't want to be around anyone. I wish that I were not even here most of the time. I loved my husband for over 9 years and was told two months ago that he never loved me that he was only here to suport me in what my life needed. And now that I am littler I don't need him no more (those were his words, not mine)  So how am I suposed to take that????? I put my love on the line once again to be crused by the person I never thought would do this to me and my friend chaulks it up to me "being a skinny B who doesn't want to be around big people"  What do I do???? 
This surgery has been such a blessing in so many ways, but also it has made me realize that just because I have gotten well physically I haven't gotten well mentaly.  It is a work in progress!!
I wish I had words of wisdom for someone that may be going through what I am going through, but I don't. 
I am at a new stage of my life and do not know were to turn.
It has been two months since the break up and I feel I will never have a heart back. I used to be the most loving person in the world, I have been loyal to the point of not caring about myself and my needs, I have given everything of myself to everyone and I was happy doing that. I have never complained about that and I have never wanted anything in return, but I find myself going "What about me?" is that wrong? 
Finding myself is going to take a long time.
I hope you all are doing well,
God bless you all
Paula