December 15, 2006

Where to begin?

I was born on December 7, 1970. I just turned 29 years old - again. (It was my 7th anniversary.) The day I was born, I weighed 10 lbs, 9 oz. I could have been twins!! My childhood was nothing extra-ordinary. I was never over-weight. When I was around 10, I got a little chubby, but as soon as I grew a few inches, I thinned back out again. I was around that age when I started to develop and was always self-conscious about that. Not many girls in my class matured as fast as me. I went straight from kids sizes to a Junior size 11. I don't remember wearing anything smaller than that. Of course, all the other girls were in 1, 3 and 5's so I felt HUGE! In all actuality, my bone structure was just larger than most. My hips were wider and I had broad shoulders. I weighed 145 in 7th grade. By high school, I weighed 165. Again I was very thin, but felt so fat. I made the Cheer Squad, and loved it! That was the only sport I was ever any good at. (I love to yell!) The skirts were small for their sizes, and I ended up in a 14. The other girls on my squad wore a 5 or a 7. I was twice as big! But again, looking back, I realize I wasn't fat. (Oh, to live that time again...) My Cheerleading Sponsor decided we all needed to go on a diet during my Junior year. She was positive about it, but that was really my first time dieting. I lost 10 lbs in just a few months. Once we went off the diet, I was right back up to 165 again. I think my matabolism was higher back then. Either that or the jumping and dancing and cheering helped me keep it off. A typical lunch for me was a pint of chocolate ice cream and a 32 oz Diet Coke from the gas station across the street from school. (mmm nutricious!)

I married at 19. By that time I had had an appendectomy, and gained 10 lbs. No more dancing and cheering and jumping, and I didn't excercise. I was up to 175 but still relatively happy. If only I could be that weight again... Jasmyn, my one and only daughter came along when I was 22. I found out while I was pregnant with her that I have low blood sugar - Hypoglycemia. (So I crave sweets.) I gained 24 lbs with her and lost 10 lbs right after she was born. I guess that's when I stopped worrying so much about my weight. Her dad and I started working different hours so we wouldn't have to pay a sitter, so we stopped eating together. It was all about what was fast and easy to fix. I slowly put on weight. Over the next few years, we started trying for another baby, and were having problems. Infertility treatments were not working. They found Endometriosis, and removed it. No blockage, I was regular, test after test and nothing. After several years, I was finally diagnosed with PCOS (Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome).

PCOS has many side effects. One of them is weight gain. Some women don't have this side effect, but I was blessed with it. I cannot lose weight for the life of me! In Februay, 2001, we went to Disney World. I hate those pictures. I was up and down all year, but at the time I was getting up there in weight. It was also hard to keep up with my group. I was only 30 years old, and weighed around 265, but felt like I was 70. The next month I tried Weight Watchers. I lost 15 lbs in 2 months, but plateaued there for another 4 months. Wasting money and time, I gave up and the weight came back on. I then went on Atkins. Wow! That worked. I lost 35 lbs in 3 months! I was also going to the YMCA several times a week. I loved weight lifting - I was defining my muscles, and feeling so much better about myself.

My husband kept saying to me that I was fat and unhappy and he wanted his "Old Jo" back. 35 lbs in 3 months was just not enough for him. I couldn't believe it! He lost 60 lbs in the same time and thought I should have lost at least that much. Then WHAM!! He hit me with "I want a divorce." In 5 weeks, I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, and I lost 20 more lbs. Not the best way to lose weight, but I was at my lowest weight since I had my daughter 8 years before. I thought no one would ever love me because I was fat. My ex certainly made me feel unloved. I moved out and met the love of my life two months later. I kept pushing him away, and denying I loved him because I was afraid. It was too soon! What if it wasn't really love? What if I was just on the rebound? He gave me time and I finally came around. We've been married just over 2 years now!! Since we met 4 years ago, I have gained 109 lbs. I don't know if it's because I'm finally happy...or if it's because he can eat 1/2 a quart of vanilla ice cream every night and not gain an ounce and I just try to keep up with him...I can't eat that much ice cream!! As a matter of fact, even with my sweet tooth, I don't think I eat much more than any one else would. My body just stores it as fat instead of burning it. Well, if I would just exercise, that would change, right? Wrong! My knees and feet hurt when I walk. I gasp for air just walking a block. It's horrible!!

My husband, Parker, is the most wonderful person. He loved me when we met and I weighed 215. He loves me now, and I weigh 324. (It's my boobs. He loves them big.) He is supportive in everything I do, and everything I want to do. I trust him completely, and this is a new thing for me. To be loved unconditionally by a man is the best gift I could ever ask for. So, when I started looking into WLS seriously, I asked him how he would feel about it. He backed me 100%. Of course, he wanted to learn more about it. What kinds of surgeries there are, what the risks are, etc. But, he only wants what will make me happy. He and I both see this as a preventative measure. My sister is 50, she was diagnosed withType II Diabetes when she was 40. She has battled weight all of her life. I know she has PCOS, although she has never been diagnosed with it. She has all the classic symptoms. My grandmother had Type II Diabetes before she passed away. So, it's only a matter of time, I'll get it too. My blood pressure has increased over the years. It's not too bad yet, but again, it's only a matter of time. I have mild sleep apnea. I don't use my CPAP Machine because my husband is a light sleeper. So I am almost always very sleepy. I worry about heart disease and joint problems. And I very much want to take walks or even jog with my daughter!! (I've always hated running, so I'll probably just take those walks.)

On Dec. 2, I had an appointment with my PCP. He was very negative about WLS. I was argumentative with him, and at the end of our meeting, he finally told me to do more research, know for sure it's what I want to do, talk to other people who have had it done, and have a consult with a surgeon. And he said he will give me the referral I need for insurance. I was shocked! I thought for sure I'd be searching out a new PCP! I think he realized that I had made up my mind. :0) Yeay!!!

I have an appointment on Jan. 3, 2007 for a WLS Seminar that is required by the surgeon I've been referred to, Dr. Sudan. I have an appointment on Jan. 28, 2007 with Dr. Sudan. I'm very excited! Well, that's my story so far. Hopefully, I'll have good news in a month or so!