Hi All,

Been awhile I know I just wanted to check in and say I'M ALIVE and OH SO WELL!

I'll come back and write more.  Lots has happened over that last year so I'm excited to share!

Hello again,

It'll be three years coming up March 30th 2012.  As I sit here today I wonder what my life would be like if I didn't have this surgery and I shutter!

I am moving again.  Turns out with the new job and the school, I was never there and therefore it never felt like "HOME".  I crave crave crave a place to call home.  June 2009 was the last time I laid my head on a bed and pillow in my own home.  It seems like a life time ago.  I am going to rent again for now.  When I took this new job I took a substantial pay cut, lost a company truck and a company phone.  So financially was this the best decision for me to do short-term NO.  LONG TERM - YES!  It was also the best decision for my emotional/physical and spiritual health I could have EVER made in my life!!!  And that health folks is PRICELESS.  So I will need to wait a little while to purchase my very own pad again but I am moving now with the full intention of making it my "home".  I can't wait to unpack some boxes!

Ridgeview has proved to be a catapulting experience for me in becoming the best me I can me.  It has also introduced me to a wide variety of people with whom I can converse as well as educate.  This truly has been a dream come true for me.

School is still as trans-formative as ever.  I know I will be a lifetime student!  I have so many dreams, goals and visions for my life and my career as a Certified Therapeutic Life Coach.  I have actual dreams about it all the time and I just get giddy with the possibilities.

Dating life is still ongoing.  It is so interesting/fascinating for me to be in this place of self-confidence and assurance.  I now KNOW what I am and what I am not willing to bend on when it comes to hard core values and beliefs.  I now KNOW what I want.  Not just what I don't want but what I do.  I also know that everyone that comes into my life has a reason for being there so even when it is tough to let go I am able to see the beauty in the situation and thank my Good Lord for bringing that person into my life.

My physical being.   Very interesting.  On August 12th I weighed in at my lowest post op weight ever 154lbs.  8 weeks prior I started a very intense workout and food program.  This was NOT the Gastric Bypass diet friends.  Anyone working out that hard weight loss surgery or not needs to supplement calories and extra protein to support muscle growth us sustainability AND weight loss.  The thing I adored about this program is it was 2 days a week of INTENSE and I mean INTENSE weight lifting for only 35 minutes each time.  Then 1 day a week I did interval cardio which means I would be on the elliptical and do an intense 5 mins and sustain my heart rate at fat burn and then back off and drop my heart rate to normal then do it all over again for 45 minutes.  The other 2 days a week was very low intensity, "easy" cardio for 30-40 minutes.  I was still sweating but lightly.  I started the program at 165lbs and my goal was to get to 156 which was 9lbs and 1 pound below my lowest weight since surgery just to say I did it.  The most AMAZING thing was I love 7 - yup that's right 7 INCHES off of my body even while gaining some inches in my biceps and butt (Just like I wanted!!!).  It was intense but I loved every minute.  The food program was MUCH harder to follow.  I was eating 5-6 small meals a day.  The problem with this is my little tummy really didn't have time to empty.  I was FULL all of the time and by the time I was supposed to be eating meal 5 or 6 I was gagging it down.  I did speak very frankly with my dietitian about what I was doing, why I was doing it and gave her my meal plans to look at and I had her approval while I was doing this routine with the FULL knowledge that as soon as I stopped this work out routine I'd go immediately back to my "Post Gastric Bypass" lifestyle.

In Early November 2011 I had a gallbladder attack and had emergency surgery.  I didn't have gallstones it was just infected and no one knows why.  It was a complete fluke.  I was ordered not to lift weights for 3 weeks.  Well heck they didn't say I was supposed to remain sedentary but I took it as that and stopped my routine.  In Mid December I developed a horrible sinus infection that laid me on my back for 4 days.  I went to work Monday morning with my head feeling a little cloudy.  I had a meeting with my boss at 1pm and I took the stairs (like a good girl!) to the 3rd floor and by the time I got to top I couldn't breath and almost passed out.  I was sent home immediately and went right to bed.  I did not leave my bed unless to use the bathroom or get more water/tea or frozen fruit to suck on until Friday at 9am.  I went to work for a few hours and then back home and back to bed. 

On Dec. 22nd 2012 I had the last stage of my breast reconstruction done and then time I was ordered not to even do any light exercise!  I couldn't even wear a bra for 5 days!  (That was interesting!)

So needless to say here we are the end of January and I just got back into light working out two weeks ago.  I have put the 9lbs back on plus 10 more.  Yup that's right 19lbs since my lowest of 154.  Now here's the deal with this.  173lbs to me is NOT THE END OF THE WORLD.  However, when I was big 20lbs to me never made a huge difference in the way I felt physically.  I mean really is there that big of a difference between me at 270 than me at 290???  No.  Being this weight though 5lbs makes a HUGE difference in the way I physically feel and the way my clothes fit.  Right now my underwear are tight and I hate that.

I physically feel my very best between 160-165 and coming up on my three year weigh in I will be back down there.  I am back on track in my head, with my eating lifestyle and my working out lifestyle. 

Working where I work and wanting to become a Certified Life Coach for those who struggle with obesity I have to do what I say and live what I say.  No one will give me the time of day if I am not practicing what I am trying to teach.  I am thankful for this job and this goal of mine because it will keep me on my toes in my own life!

I used to say "Failure is not in falling off the wagon but failing to get back on" - When I used to say that I used to add that weight loss surgery brought that wagon down to a much more manageable level and it is very true.  With this beautiful tool, these few extra pounds that I've put on will be very easy for me to take off with me getting back to the basics.  I know more portions need tweaking.  I am still good to go on protein and fluid intake and I follow the no drinking with meals or 30mins after meals religiously!!!  So this will not be hard.  Because I do not believe in failure any more, only feedback I am listening to what my body is telling me.  "MY UNDERWEAR ARE TIGHT!!!"

Back on the train folks.  Life is still amazing, always will be and I am so proud of myself and the decisions I have made and have yet to make.

Make it a great day!
Sal

I think I should have kept up my blog a bit so that I wouldn't have so much to write~

WHAT A YEAR!!

I had to go back and read my one year post to see where I left off.

Physically this past year has been a year of transformation as well.  I believe my body has FINALLY settled down and said "Okay Sal, this is where you need to be" - I bounce between 157 and 165 all the time.  168 is my "OH SHIT" number.  LOL - that just made me giggle.  Even though I have never had a number goal except for being a healthy under 200lb woman I had to set an OH SHIT number or else I believe I'd let myself creep up and up and up and start that STUPID CYCLE again. 

In the beginning of 2010 I had many scares with breast lumps.  I had four biopsies within 3 months.  All came back as hormonal disorders.  Since the "girls" lost so much volume and "plumpness" we'll call it during the weight loss phase having lumps the size of golf balls and eggs not only could I feel them I could SEE them and it was like they grew over night and it was very scary.  My family is riddled with breast, ovarian and prostate cancer on both sides and the BRCA 1 & 2 Gene causes these cancers.  SO, approx. 5 years ago my sister had an elective double mastectomy with reconstruction.  After my scares which turned out to be Hormonal Breast Disorders (no cancer) I decided I was really sick and tired of being scared and just waiting for the cancer to finally choose me.  December 21st 2010 I had an elective double mastectomy.  My plastic surgeon Dr. Ruebeck with Midwest Plastic Surgery in Edina MN is FLIPPIN' A-MAZING!!! 

When I met with him the first time we talked about the different type of reconstruction methods.  Because I had so much extra abdominal tissue I was able to have the DIEP/SIEP reconstruction where they used my lower tummy tissue to rebuild "the girls".  Anyway - as he was looking/touching my tissue he asked me what size I was before my weight loss, I was a double d.  He asked what I was now and I said this $50 bra is helping me fake a healthy B because I was down to a very small B - but man there are some FANTASTIC bra's out there!!  He asked what I wanted to be and I said a healthy C.  He looked up at me and said I don't know if you have "enough" to get that but I'll try.  I laughed right out loud standing there fully exposed and said "DO you realize you are the first person in my life to ever tell me that I didn't have enough fat to work with?" - it really lightened the mood and we had a good laugh about it.

So with my reconstruction I got a mini tummy tuck.  They can't tighten my muscles because that would have put too much pressure on my healing chest.  Hey - I took what I could out of the deal  Because of the type of reconstruction I had this changed my body shape.  I am no longer an APPLE with two little legs coming out of the bottom of it.  I am a full fledged WOMAN - hear me ROAR!!!  Amazing what this has done to my shape - I've actually GOT A SHAPE, I've got hips well kindof because I never had a rear end before but now since everything else is smaller you can actually see it - it's so cute!! LOL - that just made me giggle too.  So now because I have a shape I am wearing a 5/6 jean as I have to get them over my hips to my smaller tummy.  Who would have thought you take two "boobies" size C from my tummy and I go up a jean size? This totally boggles my mind but I honestly don't give a hoot what size jean I wear.

I am doing a little research on these breast disorders because they were hormonal based.  My thought is this - most estrogen is stored in fat cells.  Did my massive weight loss create a FLOOD of estrogen in my body which then created this disorder?  I don't know I have yet to find any one else who has had this happen to them.

Anyway - I left off in my one year entry with the sale of my farm that was supposed to happen in June.  It did not go through which caused a huge financial burden on me and I had to rent it out again to keep it.  I did and ended up renting to a nice young man who I will be friends with for life.  What a great guy and a great family - I'll get back to this!

Sooooo the summer/fall of 2010 was filled with fun activities.  I finally got back on a motorcycle.  I had gotten scared once really badly and then I was so heavy so I shyed away from them - NOW I can't STAY away from them.  I've been on several bike runs, met some great people and it IS SO MUCH FUN to be the babe on the back of a bike in leather.  Who would have EVER thunk I'd wear leather chaps!!!!  Dangit it's been such a fun experience and I feel very comfortable on the bike and I love them.

I also went skydiving.  I would have NEVER done this when I was heavy for fear the chute wouldn't of held me and plus I think there is a weight limit.  I did it and it was one of the most beautiful personal experiences I've EVER EVER had.  Pure joy and bliss - I don't know really how else to describe it. 

Playing softball has been a lot of fun being able to actually run - I'm quick like a bunny now and it's such a great experience for me to feel the wind in my hair from running so fast.

I did eventually sell the farm and it closed December 15th 2010.  Because I was so attached to it in my heart I thought I would have a bit of a sob - it is April 30th, 2011 today and I haven't cried :) - I think I had so much time to prepare to let it go that I've done all the crying I needed to do.  The day of closing it was like any other day really, put the check in the bank and went back to work.  The difference of that day though was FREEDOM!!!!  The finacial weight of the world was FINALLY off my shoulders and I was FREE.  What a COOL but SCARY thing!!!!  Complete freedom - this is scary because a person could honestly do some hefty damage with that freedom. 

During my recovery at home I was at complete peace with myself and my situation and I was able to recover stress free which I believe helped me keep my oh so possitive attitude!  It annoys some people and that is actually kind of fun!  I've kept a list this year of words that have been used to describe me by someone else to my face.  Good words of course - but I keep this list on my night stand to remind me ESPECIALLY when I'm having a BLAH day that I am living my dream.

I've had a dream for a long long time to really affect peoples lives in a possitive way.  I've had a dream to help that young overweight teenager feel loved and special.  I've had a dream to let that lonely overweight woman sitting by herself in a shopping mall or cafe feel like she matters.  I've had a dream to show that 20 something overweight man that he is handsom and a good catch.  I've had a dream to touch people in their hearts and to help them change their own lives whether that means smiling at them, giving them a hug, sitting down and listening to them and actually HEARING them or simply just being there.

This list that I am keeping has these words on it......Infectious, Contagious, A Blessing, Addicting, A Rare Treasure, Inspiring, Inspiration, Amazing, Beautiful, Sweet, Kind, Gentle Soul............

In my last blog entry I talked a little about humility.  Humility can be hard to keep when the words above have been spoken about you or too you but it is and will also be a goal and a must to remain humble in my success.  My father who has been sober for 33 years said it best about success is recovery.  Be VERY VERY careful when celebrating your own successes, the alcoholic is just ONE SIP away from falling off the pedestal they've put themselves on, the financially rich person is JUST ONE cut or layoff away from instant financial stress or poverty.  The gambler is just one scratch off away from their addiction swollowing them up again.  The food addict is just one grocery store purchase away from saying "oh this little bit won't hurt"

When a person celebrates publicly, outrageously they also FALL publicly!!!  I keep this at the forefront of my mind at all times because it has been a fear to fail with my tool - I am working on this fear.  But if we fail in utilizing this amazing gift we've been given we fail VERY PUBLICLY because our successes and failures are shown and seen in our physical bodies.  I really really do NOT want to do that!!

So anyway - back to my dream, thanks for hanging on through that detour!
While recovering I knew I needed to get myself back into school so that I could get certification so that employers would take me seriously about my mission to help the obese community.  I am enrolled in a program to become a Certified Therapeutic Life Coach.  I also had this amazing opportunity come from above when I met a woman at a support group for weight loss surgery patients who was starting up a new bariatric center.  I thought she was there just gathering thoughts and ideas for that program.  We exchanged cards so that she could keep in touch with me and let me know when the support group was.  She called a few weeks later and asked if I'd sit down with her and tell her my story.  Sure, why not right?  I did and in a no holds bar way.  I'm from the country and have worked in construction the last 9 1/2 years - my vocabulary could use some polishing and I don't mean maybe!!!

Two weeks after our meeting she sent me a link to apply for a job with the new Bariatric program.  I jumped at the chance to do this (I'm thinking in my head - Sal - this is your dream GRAB HOLD) - when I was applying I asked if I could use her as a reference since she pretty much knew my entire story now.  She said well that would be a conflict of interest I think since I am going to be doing the interviewing since I am the director of the program - INSERT FOOT INTO MOUTH HERE!!!  I guess it says a lot that she saw my raw passion to help others through my foul language and saw vision in my eyes even though clouded at times with hurtful memories that I shared with her.  I believe she is an angel because I am now her assistant and the Clinical Services Assistant for Ridgeview Medical Center's Bariatric and Weightloss Program.

PINCHING MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!  Is this really happening so quickly?  Yup - it sure is.

I've got one week under my belt with the program, school begins in May and yup I'm still LOVING my tool - although I was grumpy at it when I wanted to take a big ole gulp of juice the other day and it didn't let me!!

I am still healing and still have some procedures to go through to finish the girls up.  Exercising has gone out the window since my surgery in December - it kind of hurt a bit and I need to get back on track with that and I don't mean maybe.  I haven't been perfect in this journey AT ALL!  I do however take my vitamins religiously, that's probably the one thing I haven't slipped up on.  I still love my quote from my mom that she gave me a few weeks before surgery.  "Failure is not in the falling off of the wagon, it's in failing to get back on!" - this has stuck with me because this helped me stop the evil cycle of beating myself up if I faulter in my new life program.  This tool has brought that wagon down so that it's so darn easy to just step right back on the wagon.

Keep up the good works people - thank you for reading the blog and being inspired by my journey!!!
Love,
Sal

(I will get back to that great guy and great family I met that I will call friends for life - you'll like that story!  Stay tuned)

  March 30th, 2010   I’m actually finding it difficult to start typing simply because I am unsure if I could describe how I feel today. I feel so many things yet, on the other hand I feel like this is just an ordinary day and I’m just my ordinary self (Kinda COOL!).   I feel a sense of relief, I feel happy, I feel “normal”, I feel melancholy, I feel blessed, I feel strange, I feel the same yet so different, I feel excited.   What an interesting thing to be sitting here 129lbs lighter than I was a year ago (pre liquid diet).    I was talking to someone last weekend and I’m not sure why this conversation came up but I was talking about confidence. I’ve always in my heart felt like I was beautiful, I’ve always had a lot of confidence in who I was as a person and never questioned my “worth” EXCEPT two times in my life. These two times were when I was in poor relationships. Boy that hit me right between the eyes because it shouldn’t be that way and I’ve realized that neither relationship was meant to be. However this letter isn’t about relationships it’s about me.   I think I might be a little more excited about this upcoming year than I was for this past year. This past year was about anticipation. What would happen to my body? How was I going to change physically and emotionally? This year I don’t have that anticipation and it’s kind of nice to just relax and be me and be stable physically.   It’s actually extremely difficult to see my before pictures. It’s difficult and heart breaking to see myself as I certainly did not see that OBESE woman. All I knew was that I was beautiful inside and out and although at the time of those photo’s I didn’t feel good about myself on the outside I knew I was beautiful and good person. So it’s really hard to see the shell that was around me.   I’ve started and stopped this letter a couple of times waiting for some inspiration for me to write about something because I feel so “normal” so “like I’ve always been this way” so “RELIEVED” I feel like this year there was a lot of attention on me and my ever so FAST decreasing physical self. Every where I went someone noticed, said something, complimented me, made a scene or just simply paid attention to me. Most of it was very well received by myself and I’d like to think that because of my upbringing and foundation that humility is so important that I’ve not become haughty or cocky with my success. So I do think humility is extremely important in this journey.   Some people have noticed the way I eat and two have complimented me about my eating habits. How I eat so slowly now and seem to enjoy my food now. I had to think about that I knew I was a fast eater before. I think there was ONE major reason and this is a self confidence thing but I was embarrassed to EAT in front of people because I thought they were staring or watching which some were. I felt ashamed when I ate before and so I shoveled it in as fast as I could to get the shame over with!!!   I just can’t get over the feeling of contentment I have with where I’m at. I went into surgery with an extremely positive attitude and with the goal that I wanted to be a healthy under 200lb woman. I’ve met and surpassed that goal. Every pound under 199 is a bonus to me and I am NOT a slave to the scale in any sense because I’m satisfied. I remember weighing 187 and thinking to myself if I stop here I’m TOTALLY cool with this. I was confident, my blood work was great and I was healthy and I looked GREAT. I carry my weight very well.   I was e-mailing a friend of mine who is looking into the surgery and telling her I was looking for some motivation for this blog. I found the inspiration when I told her things looking back what kind of advice would I give someone who is looking into this surgery.   So……………..   #1 – You NEED to have a positive self image, a positive reason for having this surgery and a positive attitude going into surgery. I started my quest for weight loss surgery in December of 2005, I spent ALL of 2006 trying to get approved for the BPD/DS surgery and after that failed after four appeals I started seeing a councilor and my pastor. In hindsight looking back I was NOT ready for surgery emotionally or mentally prepared for it in 2006 and my higher power was taking real good care of me by not letting me get approved because I had a lot of head work to do for myself!!! I needed to know why my self worth was so low at the time and sometimes it takes an outside/unbiased 2^nd party to dig into why for you and help you come up with the conclusion. Then that 2^nd party will help you rebuild who you are and who you were meant to be and who you want to become. I used to think “therapy” was only for people who were “sick” or depressed or had something major wrong with them. I think everyone can benefit from talking openly and honestly to an unbiased person. So my advice is you need to go into surgery knowing that you are “WORTH THIS” and you “DESERVE THIS” get self righteous damnit – this is YOUR life and YOU are taking control and should be applauded for doing so!!!!!   #2 – Start an exercise program – whether that’s walking around the block you have to start something. You have been diligent with ALL of the requirements for surgery did you know that there is also a requirement that you personally take action and control of your situation? There is. You need to start, this surgery will not do all of the work and especially when we get 2,3,4,5 years out from surgery if we haven’t dedicated time in our lives to take care of us things will not go according to plan! Dedicate your like to YOU!!!   #3 – Journal – in the beginning I journaled EVERYTHING and I got away from it about 4 months post op. Now at one year I’m journaling about twice a week to keep me on track with my protein requirements. As of right now I’m doing well with my protein and fluid intake but if I start to see a pattern I will switch it up and do it every day if I have to!!   #4 – Don’t even think about skipping your vitamins!!! This is NAUGHTY!!! J - Again you are making a commitment for your health and this includes your vitamins DAILY. I did everything right as far as vitamins and protein and I still lost some hair but it’s coming back now. So sometimes it just happens. But seriously this is not something to screw around with!!   #5 – BE OPEN AND HONEST with the people that you KNOW will support you. A lot of times I see on the boards people post questions about how did you tell your family or what did you tell them. Listen, you need to surround yourself with people who love you RIGHT NOW just the way you are and who will love you no matter what. With this, you need to educate these loved ones about the surgery. Everything, the ins and outs, the good, bads and uglies of it all so that they know and understand. People are going to talk about you but if you have educated your friends and family and have the attitude that ignorance is what creates gossip then when you hear it or see it instead of being offended you will educate. WLS isn’t as taboo as it once was but it’s still out there and so our job is to educate and we can only educate with a positive attitude about why we do what we do.   Okay so that’s my advice to people looking into have any type of weight loss surgery because these five things have helped me.
  May 12th, 2010
  Like I said I’ve started and stopped this letter many times as I keep stalling. So I’m starting up again a month after I started. I’m now 157 – 134lbs lost. My mind has not caught up to my body yet. I’m wearing a ¾ jean – I’m actually a small person but I look in the mirror and don’t consider myself a small person. Not that I’m unhappy with where I’m at because I so am!!! But the idea that Sally is a small woman is mind boggling.   I’m so excited for this year.   I had almost an out of body experience on April 16^th. I walked into the local pub with my cousin and best friend Nathan and waiting for us was 100’s of people that yelled “SURPRISE”! Nathan and I are 12 days apart and so our friends and family threw us a surprise birthday party together. Of course the initial thought was shock, then some tears but then all smiles. It was about an hour into the party where it hit me. Every single person who was there had been in my life before. They were my friends, my close family, my extended family they were and are the people who loved me then and who love me now. It was a moment that made me cry because it finally got through my thick head that these people love me for me. I’m Sal, I’m their friend, I love them and they love me back. It was and still am extremely humbled by this revelation I had and it’s been wonderful.   My farm is closing on June 11^th. I finally sold it. This officially closes that chapter in my life and of course it’s bittersweet but it’s the fresh start I am most looking forward to. I have no plans only ideas and once I sort through all of those ideas I think I will set some goals and be ready to concur more dreams.   Hats off to you all, we’re in this together every step of the way. Keep up the good fight and remember: “Failure is not falling off the wagon, but failing to get back on”
Love,
Sally