JJ & I enjoyed 4 incredible days alone together in San Diego.  We haven't been on a vacation like that since Kourtney was just 4 months old so this was MUCH needed and deserved.  We left on Thursday and when our plane landed I turned on my phone and got the message from our realtor that our house had sold!!!!!!!!!!  It was on the market for 8 months, so in todays time that really isn't too bad.

On Friday we spent the entire day alone taking in the sites of San Diego.  We went on a fun harbor trip on this "vehicle" that is both a bus and a boat.  I have a picture of it posted.  When then spent the day in Seaport Village and once we were done there we took the water taxi back over to our hotel and walked a little around Coronado Island which is where we stayed at the Hotel Coronado by Marriott. 

Saturday came with anxiousness of seeing my best friend who I hadn't seen in 6 long months.  Sarah & Tom got a day/night away from the kids and the 4 of us had a great time.  What a day it was too!  We decided to go to Joe's Crab Shack for lunch and got lost trying to find one that was further away that what we had said.  Then, on the way there Sarah's car crapped out on us.  The A/C stopped working (thank God for a gorgeous day so that we could have the windows down), her gages stopped working, all the power was gone, the lights didn't work, but low and behold the car still ran!  LOL  We ended up back at the Joe's Crab Shack that was just across the harbor from our hotel (and no Sarah, you didn't listen to us in the first place that it was there....lol *kiss*) and enjoyed a great meal.  After that we went back over to Coronado Island, got Sarah & Tom checked into their hotel and then walked down to the famous Hotel Del Coronado.  On the way there I decided to act like miss tough women and tripped right over a curb and landed on my face.  I was laughing so hard about it that I couldn't say that I really wasn't joking around and that I was in a little pain.  It wasn't until they saw that my toe was bleeding that it sunk it that I was hurt....lol.  I bruised up both of my knees but luckily that was really the worst of it.  So, we got down to the hotel that our husbands have never heard of (we think they lived under a rock) and it just wasn't what we expected.  I know that it's old so it's going to show it's age, but it was just disappointing.  Then we went back to their hotel, ordered some pizza and headed back to our hotel where it was going to be delivered.  We enjoyed dinner out on the balcony.  After that we put on our swimsuits and headed down to the spa.  The pool itself was a little chilly, but it was very relaxing.  We dried off by sitting in front of a fire pit and then headed back up to our room for a glass of champagne and some strawberries. 

Sunday was just as wonderful of a day.  We back across the harbor to have Joe's Crab Shack for lunch again....JJ, Tom & I were addicted to that place!  We ventured over to Seaport Village after that, walked around the shops some then took a different water taxi back over and then shopped in Coronado.  Sarah & Tom left in the late afternoon.  Amazingly enough I didn't shed a tear like I usually do, but I did mist up some when I had turned away from them.  JJ and I finished up our last night by taking another dip in the pool and sat by the fire pit where we relived our wonderful weekend. 

We came home on Monday and began house hunting that afternoon.  We were set on one certain house, but the HOA fees were outragous and the homes no longer come with a pool or appliances.  We're giving the lady who bought our house everything expect our stand alone freezer so we really want a place that comes with new appliances.  We'll be going out again this coming Sunday to look with our realtor.  We need to decide within the next week because we have to be out of our house by the end of next month. 

Tuesday was just as awesome because JJ had an interview at the corporate offices of Discount Tire Co. so hopefully he'll soon find out if he'll be working in the IT department there.  It's a long drive for him, but he's so excited about working in the offices and getting away from the tire selling. 

It's been an awe inspiring last few days.  I hated seeing our weekend end, but we had so many wonderful things to come home to.  It was great to see the kids again and even better to know that they behave while we were gone.  We're hoping to go on another weekend getaway next year.

Ever since I took my 11 months pictures I've been feeling down about myself.  Granted, I have nothing to feel down about because I feel sooooo much better than I did back then and the pictures show that I look better.  However, I look at the pictures and I still see the really big girl.  I know that I have a long way to go still and I just don't get why I am beating myself up so much.  I know that I shouldn't be close to gaol at this point because of how far I had to go at the beginning.  I'm beating myself up even though I've lost over 125 lbs. in just over 11 months.  Why in the hell am I doing that?!?!?!  

I even started crying the other night while JJ and I were fooling around.  I just feel very unattractive right now and it's letting me down.  JJ made a very sweet comment in his birthday card to me by saying that I'm beautiful in his eyes.  Instead of reading it the way it was and being lovingly accepting of his words I chose to take it that I'm only beautiful in his eyes and that no one else could look at me that way.  I didn't convey that to him, but it's how I felt inside.  I used to say that I would be proud of my bat wings because it would show how much I'd lost (sounds weird, I know, but it made sense in my mind), but now I'm seeing it from a different vantage point.  I hate them!!!  I wore a tank top yesterday and felt good in it.  I tried wearing one today and felt the exact opposite.  I rose my arms to do my hair and saw all this ick in the mirror.  How can I feel sexy for my husband if I don't like what I'm seeing in the mirror right before my own eyes?  Yes, I know that I'll be looking into plastic surgery hopefully by this time next year and that once I have my work done I'll hopefully start feeling better, but until then I have to wonder if I'll continue to feel unattractive.  Years went by where I knew that I wasn't attractive and I'm not saying that I'm glued to every mirror that I pass by, but I was seeing myself in a new way prior to taking my 11 month pictures.  I felt that I was looking better.  Hell, guys actually look at me now with come hither looks which is so incredibly flattering. 

Will I ever feel "good enough" on the inside about my outside before I look into plastics or will I continue to feel unattractive?  Only time will tell.  It's going to be interesting to see how JJ and I interact with one another in San Diego next week since we'll be alone for 4 days.  Unfortunately I'll be having my period during that time so any "fun" will be out of the question, but I'm just anxious to see how he and I are together.  He's never been good at showing outside affection and he knows that has always bothered me.  He doesn't understand that in my mind it makes me feel that he's proud to be with me when he simply holds my hand.  I'm hoping that we reconnect on a husband & wife level while we're there.  It's going to hopefully bring us even closer.  We're great together emotionally and verbally......we need to work on the physically more and I'm hoping that our alone time together will be a good head start.