Damn those mini eggs!  I have been addicted to them since I was a little girl, and my Nany would have a little bag for me each Easter.  As an adult I would buy the HUGE bag, and have it done in a matter of days.  In the last few years I have bought multiple bags each Easter.  Yesterday as I walked to the checkout line there they were...that GORGEOUS purple bag, calling my name...but I walked right past...and bought my groceries...and went home...w/o the mini eggs.  And surprisingly enough, I am OK!    WOO HOO!!!  I haven't been plotting how I am going to get my hands on some either!  How freakin exciting!  I am now going to enjoy my South Beach Chocolate Raspberry bar! 

Overdid it!

Got a frozen yogurt with almonds.  Ate too fast...and I am not feeling good   I was feeling sorry for myself!  Aunt Flo is in town, and I have bronchitis!  NO FUN!

 and yet  seems appropriate too!

My closet is cleaned out, it looks fantastic, BUT I HAVE NO CLOTHES LEFT!  I am a clothes horse.  I love clothes.  I am depressed because I had to get rid of clothes!  I gave FIFTEEN (15!) bags and THREE (3) boxes of clothes to the Goodwill, and have FOUR (4) more bags of clothes for a friend at work!  That should give you some idea of the amount of clothes that used to live in my closet!  I should be excited to be able to get rid of all those clothes that are HUGE on me, but I can't help but look in my closet and feel sad at my lack of choices!

Check back with me in a week!  I ordered a few things from Lane Bryant, and hopefully that will help!!! 

My girlfriend come over today and helped me do my first purge run in my closet!  I ended up with 6 garbage bags, and three boxes of clothes to the Goodwill, and three more bags for a friend at work.  Cara would hold up pants, or shirts, and I would kind of him and haw over them, and she would just say, "Yeah, this won't fit you, don't even think about keeping it!"  I think I needed this purge in order to see how obese I was, and how much I have changed already.  I never saw myself as a 32!  And I look at those pants and can't believe I once filled them, and even had to sqeeze in at times.  My weight loss has been fantastic, but I needed to see those clothes held up, and then bagged, and given away to realize, "HEY!  I am actually doing this!  And I am succeeding!" 

Another good thing today was I saw my youngest brother for the first time since having my surgery, and he said, "You look fantastic!"  It was weird, normally I am totally self conscious about my weight, and how much I've lost, thinking people around me can't tell, and think I am a failure.  But then out of the blue, the first thing out of my brother's mouth was "You look fantastic!"  It melted my heart, and made my day! 

I saw my son's grandmother today, she had the surgery last June, and GOOD GOD!  SHE IS SKINNY!  I mean, TINY, NON_EXISTANT!  Insane!  She dropped fast!  Faster then fast, she lost insane weight, at an insane pace.  Me on the other hand, I am going two pounds off, stay, stay, stay, one pound up, then two pounds off.  I just keep telling myself, everyone is different, everyone is going to have different results.

And today I am missing food.  I want to be able to go home tonight, and eat two grilled hot dogs with a ton of ketchup, scarf down some potato chips, and potato salad.  Ahh, carbs and salt!  MMMMM!  Today at Starbucks I WANTED a Venti Carmel Mocha Frappacino.  But I got a Iced tall decaf skinny flavored latte. 

Oh well, tomorrow will be better! 

I was reminded this morning that we take pictures at our annual All Staff meeting here at work.  So I went hunting, and found some from 2008.  I was SHOCKED!  They were taken in August 2008, three months after giving birth to my second son.  I was 365 when I gave birth, and by August was down to 345...and that is where I stayed.  I have seen these pictures before, but they never affected me like they did today, after surgery.  I feel SO sorry for that girl...whoever she was...and that girl is NEVER coming back! 

My boys are 5 and 22 months, so we took them for family photos this weekend.  At first I thought I would only have the boys be in the pictures, but then realized, "I have lost weight, I need photographic proof!", so my husband and I joined in.  Of course the first thing the girl had me do was kneel down, and I instantly thought, "FANTASTIC, fat Mommy in the middle!", but took the pictures, and moved on.  Then when we saw the prints I was amazed!  I looked GREAT!  So great that I got a 10 x 13 FRAMED print of our family photo, and it is proudly hanging on our wall!  I couldn't believe it.  It was a good Sunday.  :) 

I have been going through phases where I feel like I am losing, and becoming more comfortable with my ever changing body.  Then I step on the scale and WHAM, no loss, and more often than not, a gain!  I am losing my drive!  How is that freakin possible? 
So now here I am, telling myself to HANG IN THERE KID!  Just keep swimming, just keep swimming