Jenci S.

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hank you to Kim S. who commented on my last blog post with the following:
"There is no reason to beat yourself up. You are at a "normal" weight and should now live your life like a normal person....which means sometimes you will indulge in excesses. We have to do like the thin people and offset it with more exercise or cutting back a bit the week after. Food is part of life, and you should find the balance to allow yourself an occasional indulgence and the correct balance in activity so that it doesn't derail you. You did not become obese from the occasional indulgence...and you wont regain all your weight from the occasional indulgence either. Sounds like you are on the right track for accepting your new lifestyle. Enjoy the holiday season!"
In that paragraph there are so many words of wisdom I could burst!  You mean thin people struggle w/their weight?  They're not all born stick thin and perfect?  Holy buckets!  That is an awesome concept!  Wow, to honestly grasp that concept is going to be tough, but I am going to work on it, because I believe it will go a long way in helping me to accept that I will struggle with my weight for life.
Yes, food is a part of life.  That is one fact I struggled a lot with before having my gastric bypass surgery.  Food is social.  My family gets together and there is always enough food to feed us all and an army!  My husband loves to cook.  LOVES it.  Every night my husband and I sit down and eat together with our boys, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to do that anymore.  I was also afraid I wouldn't be able to indulge in the things I loved anymore.  And sometimes I am sad to think that I can't bite into a Togo's salami and provolone cheese sandwhich because the bread would stick, and therefore make me sick.  And sometimes I really want to eat a tortilla or a big slice of pizza.  But I have learned that dense bread carbs are my enemy and have found alternatives.  I'll steal one corner of the bread off my son's sandwhich to go with the salami & provolone salad I order.  And I scrape the cheese and toppings off pizza slices and toss the crust.  It works.  So I have found ways to enjoy things I used to enjoy, but in much smaller portions and in less carb loaded ways.
I "did not become obese from the occasional indulgence"!  What?  Are you kidding?  I thought I had it all under control.  If I snuck something when no one was looking then it couldn't have possibly counted in the grand scheme of things!  Oh wait, yeah, it still went in my mouth, and into my stomach.  I guess it did count.  Well pooh on that!  Everyone once in a while my husband and I will reflect (good naturedly) on my previous eating habits.  The fact that when we went to Taco Bell I would get a Nachos Bell Grande, double decker taco, bean burrito, and probably a crunchy taco.  Now I get either a chicken fresca taco or one crunchy taco.  I no longer get the two cheeseburger combo, go large on the fries and drink at McDonald's.  I get one cheeseburger and I pull the bottom bun off, and only eat the portion of the top bun which in connected to the burger (we all know those buns are bigger than the burgers).  And for our home cooking, well, we have lots of left overs.  It took the better part of a year for my husband to learn to cook less food because I wasn't consuming as much as before. 
And yes Kim, I am on the right track to accepting this life.  Yesterday I mentioned I might have tuna for lunch, well, instead I had 1/2 a chicken caesar salad, and will have the other half today.  It is all about balance. 

Having time off from work has given me a lot of personal reflection time.  Something I have known about myself, but often choose to ignore, is that I like to have an end in sight.  When I start a craft project I want to be able to sit down, get to business, and complete it before I get up.  The same thing can be said for the projects I enjoy at work, I like to see the progress I make, and then have a conclusion point where I can completely wash my hands of the project. 

I have been looking at my weight loss much the same way lately.  I have been thinking that because I have lost all this weight that I am somehow done and can just walk away from everything I have learned over the last two years.  Not so.  And I can't tell you how frustrating that is!

Holidays are a time of excess.  They just are.  Excess everything, from spending money, to eating food.  And I am a glutton.  I love to spend money, and I love to eat food.  This Thanksgiving has proved that fact to me again.  I overate.  I ate things I haven't indulged in in over two years.  And I loved every second of it!  I am trying my best to not beat myself up, and for the most part I am winning because I did get up this morning, and I am determined to stay on track.  I have my protein powder ready for my AM frapp, and my Detour bar for a mid morning snack.  Not sure about lunch yet, I am thinking tuna because I didn't bring anything else, we'll see.  But today is a new day, and a new me! :)

I hope you all had a fantastic Thanksgiving, and try not to beat yourself up too badly if, like me, you indulged a bit too much.

Isn't amazing how a few pounds can make you feel gigantic?

I tell ya, I am up about 10 pounds from my lowest point.  Doesn't sound like a lot, but MAN, I feels like a lot! 

I used to be able to look in the mirror, see my outfit and tell myself, "Good enough."  Now I look in the mirror, turn this way and that, totally critical of how each part of my body looks.  It is insane.  I traded not caring for too much caring.  WEIRDO. 

I am getting back on track.  I would like to say it was the Halloween candy.  But no, it has been everything.  If I see something yummy, I eat it.  No thought about it, I just eat it.

I am not sure why I can't just keep up with keeping good food on hand.  It's like I keep relearning that if I keep things I can "snack" on around I will snack on those rather than the things I shuoldn't snack on.  So this week I have stocked up.  I have my laughing cow cheese, pistachios, and detour bars.  We'll see if they make a difference.

Mind over matter, if you don't mind, it doesn't matter.