So much has happened since my last post. I took the plunge, went under the knife and got this new tummy of mine. So where do I start… I packed my bags, said a quick good bye to the baby and my daughter and hopped in the car with my hubby and my 4 year old son Ambrose. Once we arrive I'm quickly taken back to surgery prep. I was given a robe and some mesh panties as it was that time of the month and no tampons were allowed. (On a side note… it sucked not being able to get it on the night before surgery!!!! I mean is there any better stress reliever than mind blowing, lip biting, hair pulling sex??? Um NO) Okay back to reality. I got into this less than sexy get up and hung out with Roger and Ambrose in my lil cubical type thing. I ended up sending Roger and Ambrose on their way as there was really nothing for them to do and watching them fight over the i-touch was becoming annoying. The nurse insisted I send my cell phone with Roger as there was no where safe to store it, it did not take long for me to regret this decision. Boredom set in rather quickly. I had arrived around 10 and it was 12 before I finally saw the Dr. He came by and told me once I met the guy would be responsible for putting me under (so cant spell that long and complicated title) and nurse we would be on our way. They both came by, said hello and we were on our way. Once in the OR they scooted my bed over to this tiny operating table, I climbed on and was immediately scolded for "climbing" rather than scooting over. Such sticklers. I didn't want to thrust my fat self over like some kinda fat as sea lion and shit. Once I am on the table they start making small talk about my tattoos and such. It is in this moment that i realize just how susceptible I would be to a serial killer. Mid sentence I try to scratch my nose only to find I have been strapped down to the table like Jesus and shit! Arms out legs together, All I needed was a fucking crown of thorns and I could have walked on water! So I asked the nurse to scratch my nose, she looked a little surprised: I mean if the bitch has no problem strapping me down like some crazy sadist you'd think scratching my nose would be a no brainer! In the end, I won and my nose was scratched. About this time they start the IV and put some kinda mask that smelled like a new car on my face. At this point its all a blur. My last thought is… Fuck all these skinny assholes are gonna see me naked….FML
Next think I know, Im waking up in a room… its a shared room and this bitch across from me wont shut the fuck up, I manage with slurred words to demand drugs and a private room… I pass out before they ever arrive. I come to again for less than 5 minutes and then Im back out. Finally around 7pmish I am up and ask someone to call Roger and let them know I would really like my own room cause Im sure I will have many loud visitors tonight. They oblige and I get a private room. Once I get on the phone with him I can tell he is pissed. They had asked for his number so they could call as soon as surgery was over and never called. Every time he tried to call and check on me he got the, "She's changing rooms now or She is still out thing" So he arrives shortly after my friends. I was high on life and puzzled as to how Leah and Amy (my wild party friends) had managed to find me. i had no cell phone, never told them where I was… In my cloud of happiness I imagined they loved me so much they drove all over Burlingame until they came across a hospital and once there searched every room till they found me. They laughed at me and said… "We called your house, Asshole!" What awesome friends. So we all hung out for a bit, I got my beloved cell phone, I was taken aback by all the calls. Answered like 2 of the 25, requested drugs and went back to my happy place. In the morning I was taken downstairs for the leak test. Not as bad as I had been told. It didn't taste good by any means but you can only take like two sips so i managed to survive. This was my first bout of nausea. It lasted about 5 minutes and I asked for a puke bag but luckily didn't end up having to use it. I asked to see the X-rays and was in awe of this tiny tummy. I headed back to my room where I was given some clears. This included: Beef Broth, water, ice chips, sorbet and isopure. I went for the sorbet… which I usually love… way too tart. Next the isopure… umm it made my mouth feel weird… Like Chalky and gross but I had about 3 oz. and some ice chips all the while telling myself the protein was necessary if I didn't want to be bald. At this point my throat was very sore and I was coughing up phlegm.. the isopure totally made that worse! I went back to bed and was given full liquids for dinner later. My stay was nice, I even asked to stay a second night. It was so quiet there! I had my own TV, what more could a girl want? So I stayed a total of two nights. I did ask for pain meds pretty often and only needed nausea meds twice, both times because of the queasiness that came with the pain meds. I was able to shower there and left feeling pretty good. Only one of my 5 incisions hurt at all and mostly I just felt worn down and wiped out. A lil sore like I had run a marathon but okay. I am now home and have only taken the pain meds a few times. I am able to get in 2 protein shakes a day and a jello or yogurt for lunch bfast and dinner. I am down 7 pounds since Friday! Yeahhhhh, cant beat that! Overall this has been a good experience and Im excited to see where this road leads…. to better health and slutty clothes I hope :)
Sorry I cant rotate it … I don't know why but it just doesn't work. Its right side up in the file but not on OH :(
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