Let me up, Let me out, I am suffocating, I can't live without. This all behind me...Is this almost over now?... ~Megadeath
Good afternoon, Everyone!
Life is so fraught with drama, isn't it? Sometimes I would not mind a little bit of boring but it never seems to work out that way. I am seething right now...do you mind if I share? I always feel better after I gripe to you so, if you don't mind, I am going to do it again...
Some of you may know the drama of the woman formerly known as my sister. I have two older sisters: Kelly (eldest) and Tracey (middle). We grew up together...had the same great parents...same teachings, belief systems, etc. WTF happened with Kelly?
All through high school, Kelly was a liar. She was the only one of the three of us who got into drugs, alcohol, sex at an early age, etc. I do not judge her for these things...she was a kid. She used to steal my dolls, steal money from my parents, etc. She had parties while my parents were away when she was supposed to be watching me. No big deal on my part...thankfully I was mature at a young age. But there were close calls for her back then...one of her drunk girlfriends dove off our diving board and smashed her head onto the cement. Her friend did not even feel it! It was not until I informed her that she had blood running down her face that she even knew she was injured. My parents are not drinkers but they had a small alcohol supply locked in the basement. When Kelly and her friends ran out of beer, they smashed the cabinet in (because they could not find the key) and popped open my Dad's Don Perignon! They just thought it was another bottle of wine. Tracey and I never told on her and my parents were blissfully ignorant that Kelly was that bad. Until, that is, she got pregnant when she was 17. She was not going to tell my parents about it but she told my Aunt...who then told me parents. My parents cared for her every step of the way. Of course they were disappointed...but she was their daughter and they loved her. She aborted the child. The father of that baby refused to pay for any of the abortion because he was, and I quote, saving for a car. He later came out of the closet and still lives in my town.
I guess you could call Kelly a wild child. That is, until she met Jeff. We ALL loved Jeff. He was tall, handsome and a born-again. I had just started going to church, myself, so then Kelly started going with Jeff. It seemed as though she changed for the better. She was 22 when she married Jeff. But Jeff worked in construction and did not work regularly. My parents paid their mortgage more often than not. I was close with Kelly when I was younger but, as she settled into her marriage and started having children, we were not as close as when I was younger. Her first child was a daughter - Bryce. Bryce was, literally, the perfect child. Adorable and sweet and mild-mannered. When she turned one, she started spending EVERY weekend at my parents house (and my house...I lived with my parents until my late 20's!). I would sing Bryce to sleep every night. Kelly then had a son, Kelsey. He was a nightmare. Her third child, Bri, was also very temperamental. But Bryce continued to stay over our house on the weekends. I TRULY believe that Bryce was so special because of my parents influence on her. She had a wicked sense of humor and an intense compassion for both people and animals. I was head over heels in love with her. I always told people that, if I could have children exactly like Bryce, I would have 10 of them. Bri and Kelsey never had the same relationship with my parents. They never wanted to come over. When they DID come over, they always wanted things...presents, candy, etc. Bryce never asked for a single thing. Tracey also had two children - a boy and a girl. Neither of them had the opportunity to know my parents like Bryce did because they live too far away. So Bryce was, hands down, the golden child. My parents started taking Bryce away on vacation with them. Why? Because Kelly LET them. She NEVER had a problem with it. Was it right that my parents showed so much affection to Bryce and not to Bri and Kelsey? No, not really. But, again, Kelly had no problems with it.
Over the years, Kelly's money problems got worse. Not because Jeff was not working...but because Kelly was a big spender. She would completely re-do her house over every couple of years. She bought Victorian furniture and knickknacks like they were going out of style. Time and again my parents bailed her out. She would call them crying because she could not pay the mortgage...buy groceries. What were my parents going to do? Let her kids starve? She ultimately took out a home equity loan because they needed a new front door, a roof and an oil heater. Do you KNOW what she did? She bought a front door and then went on a two-week vacation to Long Beach Island! She will be paying for that vacation for the next 25 years!
God this story could get long (it already is...I am sorry). Bottom line...my parents probably put $100,000 into her...they used to buy her kids school clothes, their school supplies, etc. But Kelly started becoming more and more bitchy towards my Mom. Then, when Christmastime rolled around, she would become all loving again.
Oh! And when I was 22, Jeff asked if he could borrow my credit card to buy Kelly a ring. I was so ignorant so I said, "sure." The ring was $1200.00. They only EVER paid me back $200.00. I was only 22! But Jeff THOUGHT Kelly was paying me out of his paycheck. He was completely ignorant of her spending. Can you imagine a man in his 40's being that ignorant? I feel no pity for him...he was just an idiot (more on this later).
Anyhow...when I became pregnant with my son, my husband and I decided that we would put him in daycare. We had no choice. Kelly started vying for the job right away. But there was one problem...I did not trust Kelly. Over the years I started seeing her for what she was...a pathological liar and a complete religious hypocrite (she made fun of other people's handicaps, etc.). There was NO way I was going to let her watch my son.
Incidentally...Kelly did not work. You would think that someone who cannot pay the mortgage might get a job, right? Nooo...she said, "I am a Mom first." Well, Mom, if you stopped buying Victorian lamps, maybe I would buy the "Mom first" argument... And at times I felt really sorry for her. I could buy her groceries, myself, from time to time. I never even got a thank you...
So the time came to give birth to my son. I was admitted on the morning of December 7th to be induced. Kelly showed up at the hospital with magazines for me and a cheeseburger. We spend the night laughing and enjoying each other's company. In the morning it was becoming clear that I was just not going to have this kid on my own (they were concerned about preeclampsia). I had a C-section and Kelly was one of the first to visit. The next day...all hell broke loose. I hemorrhaged and almost died. But I made it through the ordeal...weak but thankful for my family. Then the post-partum depression hit. I am so ashamed to say that I wanted very little to do with my son when he was born. I never wanted to be alone with him at all. Kelly was my savoir during that time. She came over every day...and she would take him from me so I could sleep...or go out, etc. We spent every waking moment together. Of course I came to the conclusion that she should ABSOLUTELY watch him when I returned to work. She said she would not even accept money but I told her I would pay her $800.00 a month. I was so thankful that I had a family member to watch him...
But, let's face it, folks, leopards never change their spots, right? Kelly turned back into the "real" Kelly. The Kelly who would call me 2 minutes before I had to leave for work to tell me she could not watch my son because she had a headache. Kelly who told me that she needed 3 weeks off in the summer because she needed her "alone" time (I only had two weeks vacation!). Kelly who started lying and cheating once again. But then the serious issues started. I would come to pick him up and Bri would be watching him alone (she was 11 and never babysat before)! I came home one day and, when I picked him up from his nap (at 5 pm!!), he was covered with blue fuzz. When I asked Kelly what it was she told me the kids covered him in toothpaste. SHE NEVER CLEANED IT OFF! A couple days later I picked him up and he had adult scissors in his hand. Kelly was typing away on a laptop not even looking at him. When I asked, "WHY does he have scissors in his hands?" she replied, "Oh, he knows he is not supposed to have them."
There were fights between me and Kelly. When I would voice my concerns to her over the phone, she always hung up on me (yes, she is over 40!) and then I would lose it. But then I would send her flowers or something to let her know I still loved her. I cautioned her when she offered to watch him that, in some ways, she would be an employee of mine and there would be times when it could get awkward. More and more I was seeing that it was no longer working. And, incidentally, all that Kelly did for me post-pregnancy was undone in one sentence. In an emotional moment I told her that I would be forever grateful for her being there for me after I had my son. She replied, "Yeah, well, that is what God wanted me to do." WHAT? I'm sorry...maybe that is a nice Christian answer but it really pissed me off.
During this time, Kelly and Jeff were getting more and more involved in church. Not the main church they belonged to, but a subset of that church. A man named Kevin (who married me and my husband) had moved to rural PA to open their own church and Kelly and Jeff became very involved with that. Kelly and Jeff started taking troubled teens into their home. Mind you, they have no experience to do this...and no ROOM, by the way...but they did. On the outset, it looked like a very Christian thing to do. But now there were drug dealers and alcoholics in Kelly's house with my son during the day. It was time to put my son into a real daycare. We told Kelly as gently as we could that we were doing this. As it turned out, though, she did not care, anyhow. She was relieved. But she claimed to be devastated because she just loved my son SO much.
My husband and I even took them to a wickedly expensive restaurant to thank them for watching him for a year. I did not want bad blood between us. That was the first night I saw that Kelly and Jeff were crossing the fine line between religious zealot and cult following.
At dinner that night, Jeff told stories of "talking" to God. I am not talking about praying, mind you. I am talking about "I spoke and he REALLY answered chats!" He said he awoke some nights and felt "Satan" in the house. When he would mention it to Kevin, the church leader in PA, Kevin would say that he felt the evil, too, at the exact same moment. Hooo-kay....
Oh...I could go on and on and on. My final straw with Kelly came with one last broken promise. She ALWAYS broke her promises to me. I should not have been surprised by this final one. In the fall of last year, my husband had to go on a 3-week business trip. After two weeks, I was suffering from intense depression and was desperate to get out of the house. While I was at Kelly's, I asked her to watch my son so Bryce and I could go to dinner. She said she would. I asked her again...telling her how important it was for me to get out. She again agreed...in front of Bryce and Grace (more on Grace later). The day I was to take Bryce out, Bryce sent me a text message saying that Kelly said she NEVER agreed she would watch my son and she was not going to do it. I was so mad I was fuming. I had a complete meltdown at work. That was it for me.
Sometime in late November, I got an envelope in the mail with Kelly's family photo. It had a 5x7 family photo of Kelly, Jeff, Bryce, Kelsey, Bri and...Grace. Grace? Why the heck is this girl in Kelly's family photo? There were also wallet pictures. One of Kelsey by himself. Then one of Bryce...and Grace. And Brielle...and Grace. WTF? Grace HAS parents. Why the hell is she in these photos? Well, despite the fact that Grace has a Mom, Kelly considered herself Grace's Mom. I thought she finally went off the deep end.
Kelly stopped almost all communication with my parents when they moved to Florida (January 2006). Tracey and I knew full well why...the cash cow left the state. However, months later Kelly called them sobbing because they were going to foreclose on her house. She begged my parents for $8000. And they GAVE it to her! GRRRR. She took it and then...guess what...NEVER CALLED THEM BACK! But the cruelest thing she did was turn Bryce against them! Bryce was their angel. When my Mom was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2002, Bryce practically lived in our house. I believe she was key in helping my Mom heal (and get over her cigarette withdrawal).
But one day last year I read on Bryce's myspace page that she had moved to PA for 3 months. WHAT? What about high school?? This was not during the summer. My Mom tried to contact her about it but Bryce never answered. My Mom also called Kelly but Kelly never answered. One day my Mom called Kelly and blocked her number. THEN Kelly answered. She wanted to know why Bryce was sent away to PA. She gave some bullshit story about Bryce wanted to be closer to God. No, I am sorry...17-year-old girls who have lost of friends and a boyfriend they are 'in love with' do NOT go to rural Pennsylvania to be closer to God. My Mom asked Kelly if Bryce was pregnant. Kelly was SO offended by that question. She said, "How dare you ask that about a child of mine." My Mom should have responded with, "Well, YOU got pregnant at that age!" I have NO IDEA what Kelly said to Bryce...but Bryce never answered my Mom's frantic messages after that. All we know is that Kelly sent her daughter to live with Kevin and his family in PA. Very cult-like, right? RIGHT.
Since then I have heard that a few people have referred to Kelly and her family as a cult. There are ALWAYS tons of kids at their house. Their myspace pages show them all laying on their couch together...draped over one another. VERY inappropriate. My Mom had tried to contact Bryce a couple more times...trying to get her to remember all they did for her...and with her...but never got a reply.
I called Bryce once while she was in PA (I blocked my number). I asked her why she was there. She gave me the "closer to God" bullshit. I was not going to bring up my Mom but I could not help it. I asked her why she did not call her because she was VERY worried about her. She said she did text her back. Oh great, Kelly has created another pathological liar. Before I hung up, I told her I would always love her. I immediately got a text from Kelly (first in a long time) that said, "Hey, what's up?" Oddly enough, it was a total coincidence that I heard from Kelly right after talking to Bryce. I sent a text back to Kelly saying, "Funny you should text me, I just got off the phone with Bryce." Then were was a LONG delay. I KNEW Kelly had rushed and called Bryce to find out what we talked about. Within 20 minutes, Bryce sent me a text saying, "I am here to worship God and be all that he wants me to be." OH PLEASE. Kelly told her to send that text to me. I simply sent a text to Kelly that said, "Completely nauseating." I did not hear from Kelly again.
Oh...an important story...of why I detest my brother-in-law. Quick digression (like any of this story is quick). My parents had childhood friends that we called "Aunt" and "Uncle." We grew up with their kids. Their youngest son, Scott committed suicide in 1998. He had a Chihuahua/Boston Terrier mix named Mugsy. Mugsy became a sad reminder of their son and they wanted to get rid of him. They had MANY people who wanted to take him (he was so ugly he was adorable). However, Kelly begged to have him and they gave him to Kelly. But they got tired of Mugsy after a year. I WANTED Mugsy. Before I got Max I wanted Mugsy in a big way. He was a perfect condo dog (we lived in a condo at this time) and he was so cute. They would not let me have him. Years later when they wanted to get rid of him, it was too late for me to take him. My 150-lb dog and 11-lb Mugsy would not be a good match. Last year Kelly kept telling me she wanted to get rid of Mugsy. They got another dog they liked better...no one paid attention to Mugsy anymore. I wished I could take him but told her to put him on Petfinder or take him to a shelter.
Do you want to know what Jeff did? He drove him to the construction site where he worked, opened his car door AND LET HIM GO. Just let him go. IT WAS LATE AUTUMN. My heart closed to Jeff that very instant. Total scumbag in my opinion.
So up until recently, that is where things stood....Kelly never talked to my parents...I am sure they will never see their $8000. Kelly and Jeff are trying to acquire a church. You heard that right, a church. They do not have a pot to piss in but they want the current owners of the church property to GIVE them the church. If they get it, I suppose they will have a full-fledged cult.
The last contact I had with Kelly was the night of my emergency bowel twist surgery. I only have one close friend. Tracey lives an hour away. My husband was out of the state. I called my friend to drive me to the hospital but I had to call Kelly to watch my son. I called her house twice. She did not answer. Then I called her cell phone. She did not answer. I can only assume Jeff convinced her to call to find out what was wrong because it was obviously an emergency at 1 am. She finally called and said, "What do you want." I was in so much pain that I was bawling (for those who don't know me...you must know I was near-death if I was crying...I just don't do it). I asked her to come sit with my son. She was exceptionally bitchy but she came. When she came through the door, all she said was, "What did you do to yourself? Is this because of your stupid surgery?" You should have heard the venom in her voice. I told her I did not know what it was from. She then said, "Well, call me and tell me what to do with him" and then she walked upstairs. Can I just tell you that, during that night, I cried more from the thought that I left my son with her than because of the pain...which was the worst pain I ever felt in my life. I thought I was going to die from it. When I learned I needed surgery, I called her to ask her to drop him off at his daycare (I did not tell her I needed surgery...just that I was not getting out any time soon). She said, "fine" and hung up on me. Those were the last words spoken between us. She never called to see if I had surgery or to see if I was ok. My Mom flew home that night to take care of me and my son. During the week, my Mom went to Kelly's to find out what the hell happened between her and our family. Kelly told her that she resents the uneven treatment of her children (that she allowed and encouraged all those years!) and that her asking if Bryce was pregnant was unforgivable. My Mom left, in tears...told her she hoped she would be happy. Kelly just turned her back to my Mom. Jeff did hug my Mom...but it was a hug of a permanent goodbye.
I said that losing my family was like a death. I mourned them like I would a death. But that mourning was laced with a lot of sadness. Until this past week. My Mom had given rings from her childhood to her three granddaughters. One to Bryce, one to Brielle, one to Tara. The one she gave Bryce meant a LOT to my Mom but Bryce meant more so she gave her the ring. About 3 weeks ago, my Mom sent a text to Bryce asking for the ring back. She wrote, "The ring means a lot to me but, since I don't mean anything to you anymore, I should have it back." She heard nothing back. I told her she wouldn't. But last Thursday (my parents were at my house for three weeks...they left on Friday), my Dad went to clean out his car for the drive back to Florida and there, on the seat, was an envelope that said, "rings." Bryce's and Brielle's rings were in it. I understand that my Mom should have known this could happen, but it crushed her just the same.
And the final blow came today. My parents picked up their mail. In it was a card, from Kelly, to my Dad. It was for Father's Day (mailed 6/21). In it she spoke of how much she loved him. It was a complete and total slap in the face to my Mom. She has been crying all day. Who wouldn't...it was the cruelest thing she has ever done (and that is saying A LOT). Of course Kelly did not send a Mother's Day card OR a birthday card to my Mom (on 6/20). She sent one to my Dad just to rip my Mom's heart out. Well, she succeeded. And my feelings of anger and loss have now dipped into hate. For all of them. Even for Bryce...who I worshipped. I do not care if she is young. She is 18...and old enough to know the pain she is causing. And every time she puts her ass in the car she drives...THAT MY PARENTS GAVE HER...she should remember what they did for her.
And so this story ISN'T like a death at all. When a loved-one dies, you mourn them but then you have the happy memories to sustain you. There are no happy memories here. Just intense anger and much regret. I know this is a terrible, ugly-hearted thing to say but...I hope Kelly finds herself alone one day...and I hope she needs me. I will NOT be there for her. She is dead to me.
I am obviously still very raw with anger...but thanks for listening.
All my love,