It has been 3 years!

Jul 12, 2012

 It has been forever! I haven't updated or really been on OH in a very long time. Yesterday makes it 3 years since I had my DS and my life was saved. I have lost a total of 315 pounds and now currently weigh 220 pounds. It fluctuates from time to time, sometimes I get down to 210. I personally am doing well. I currently live on my own now (with my boyfriend) and I work at my local native hospital. I recently graduated high school (obesity took over my life in 9th grade and by 10th I was unable to attend thus why it took me till the age of 20 to get my diploma) and I will be starting college next month. 

Life is amazing. I could have never imagined that I would be living on my own, making my own life, living with the man I love to death and pursuing my dreams! It is a complete 360 compared to where I started in life.

Its a very weird thing because I cannot remember what it feels like to be 535 pounds, I can imagine and remember here and there but now it feels like I was never any different then what I am now. I guess I just always saw myself as how I am now even though I was 535 pounds. My mom and sisters still are amazed at how small I have gotten, my mom always points out how she can feel my bones when she hugs me, its funny. 

When I tell people of my story I get the usual "I would have never known or guessed!!! Your so small!" and that is nice. 

Living with my DS has been wonderful, but to be honest I was at a point in life where money was very hard to come by and so my vitamin intake took a back seat. I became homeless for a time period and that is when I realized how serious eating and supplementing is. I ended up blacking out from starvation/malnutrition due to my inability to get food, this resulted in me falling straight back and hitting the back of my head on a hardwood floor. Luckily my boyfriend was there because I believe I would have no started breathing/woken up if he was not. 

I had a plan to get out of my homeless situation, it was just time that was a really big factor in my process. When the right time finally came I was able to get a place of my own and have been independent ever since. 

I remember going from not being able to put on my own socks and shoes, needing my sisters to grab things for me because getting up myself was so painful, to being where I am now. Living on my own, being able to tuck my knees under my chin, being able to fit tights, leggings, skinny jeans. Being able to carry as much weight as possible and walking far distances, being able to sleep without having to worry about breaking the bed or having my breathing stop while I'm sleeping. 

Just doing my own hair was a painful slow process! My arms would get tired. I don't believe I take anything for granted now, since I know what it was like to not be able to do all of these things, and things still surprise me and make me say "Oh my goodness I would NOT have been able to do this 3 years ago!" 

Somethings about my boyfriend, we have been together for over a year now, so that means he knew me when I was still pretty "big". It was a scary thing starting out, having to explain to him my whole situation, how I can and cannot eat and having him personally see the effects if I did do something I shouldn't have done (eating damn white bread). At first I did not want to go into too much detail with him, I felt like he didn't need to know much since that wasn't "me anymore" and that he should just know the "me now". That's I was towards everyone who didn't know me before my surgery, to me all they needed to know was the me now. 

I happened to go back to my old high school which I just up and left when things were getting bad with my weight and lymphedema, and I told them what all happened and all about my surgery. They asked me if they could nominate me on my diligence on getting my education no matter what I was going through in life. Turns out the program was a scholarship award and I won. 4 years paid. Every since then I have been obtaining more scholarships with the help of my story. It has brought me very far in life. 

Currently my lymphedema is active again, my legs swell and are uncomfortable. I am undergoing daily psychical therapy to maintain it. For about 2 years after surgery my legs were seeming to go back to "normal" but sadly within these last months I noticed the hardening of my skin and the increase in size in my legs. 

It is difficult to deal with but I am and will hang in there. 

This is just a rough update but at least its something haha. Overall I am doing well, could REALLY use some smaller clothes but I'm on a student budget. One day! 

-Jessy

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