Watermelon, cookies and chips...

Jun 13, 2010

So,  how many months or years does it take to change a life time of bad habits and poor coping choices?   I don't know yet - I'll tell you when I get there.

Two Sundays in a row now I have lost control of my eating - two Sundays in a row I've experienced my pouch rejecting my choices and throwing them back at me.     I'm 48 and not stupid - you'd  think making the connection would prevent future bad behavior --- but there is that siren's call of years of comforting myself with food, calming myself with food, sending messages to myself that I DESERVE to binge , I've earned the right to be indulgent in that area... blah blah blah.

My stomach is angry that I'm not learning more quickly.    I'm 21 months out.    I don't do rice, rarely eat potatoes or bread.   But sweets - a little creeps up to a lot sometimes.    21 months out and I think my body has resorted to dumping now.   Last week it hit me in the middle of the night ... I thought it might have been a gall bladder attack - and perhaps it was - but after the pouch completely emptied - everything calmed.   Today  - definitely from eathing junk.

I would complain - but this - this is why I had the RNY instead of the band.     My pouch is reinforcing the messages my head is slow to learn - and who knows - in another 21 months the sugar tooth will hopefully go the way of the girl who liked fries, rice and bread and I'll be naturally making smart choices.

Jody

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