Weight Loss Surgery Directory

By Location By Map
Before & After

There are currently no before and after photos for this member.

See these instructions if you wish to submit your own Before & After photos.
Goals

Reach 299!

0 People
 in progress, 
1 Person
 achieved this
View The Goals Page
Surgeon Testimonial

Subhashini Ayloo MD
So far I just had my first consult with her, she is AMAZING. She really knows her stuff and put me at ease regarding a terrifying experience. I feel confident in my decision not only of the surgery but of the surgeon.
Latest Surgery Support Comments

  • Comment by bratette on 3/24/08 5:09 am
    Thoughts and prayers with you for your surgery and speedy recovery!!
  • Comment by rikamie on 3/24/08 3:31 am
    Hi Jacquiline ! God bless and have a smooth surgery and recovery. Welcome to the world of loosers ! Amie
  • Comment by thekingskid on 3/23/08 6:30 am
    Jackie! Tuesday is YOUR day!!! I will be thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers! You will do just fine! There is a spot with your name on it over here on the Loser's Bench! Woo Hoo! Wishing you a safe surgery and smooth recovery!!! Jenn
Click here for the surgery support page
jmwjskasick's Blog
jmwjskasick's Blog

5/2012
posted on 5/15/12 10:59 am
Here we are again.  I look back and wish I would have followed through with my previous blog post.  I wish I would have gotten back on track and by now I could be at my goal weight.  But the fact of the matter is I didn't and I'm not. 

I joined the gym on Sunday and plan to try to go most days after work.  So far I haven't been.  It's a mental block.  I'm not going to sugar coat it, I'm lazy.  I worry too much about what people think about me which is why I am in this place.  I let myself get the best of me.  I create things in my head that aren't there (and even if they are I shouldn't care).  My lowest weight was around 265, which is roughly 100lbs lost from my highest.  Was I skinny?  nope.  Was I happy? yes.  Would I like to lose more? of course.

Now I sit here at 303 as of this morning.  I weighed myself yesterday and was at 297 which is about where I usually hover, but today I was floored again.  I had a baby in February, my highest weight was 325.  I was back down to 293 10 days after delivery.  I was very careful about what I ate and just the stress of being a mommy again made my appetite disappear.  Then it came back, full force, and I am where I am.  I am breastfeeding as well.  For those of you that have never BF, let me tell you, at least for me, anytime my little guy goes through a growth spurt my appetite is unstoppable.  I try all the tricks, water, gum, distractions, etc. and nothing works.  My stomach just feels empty and grumbly. 

I was never so lucky to lose the hunger feelings.  Even right after surgery.  I wish I would have.  I am a food addict.  I have realized that now.  I have a problem.  I am a master of theory but I suck at the execution.  The surgery was never going to work for me because I was so far in denial my psych eval even came back clean.  Come to find out I am a mess.  I started turning to alcohol and drinking a lot of it nightly.  I then started Zoloft but am too terrifed to take it because the last time I was on an antidepressant was after my daughter in 2001 and that is where I gained the bulk of my weight (over 100lbs) in a very short period of time.  I hope exercise will raise my endorphins enough to where I don't need it.

I feel like I am losing control of my life.  Everything is so disorganized and moving so fast.  I just want everything to slow down so I can focus on my health and get back on track.  I realize that is selfish and totally unrealistic.  Time will not stop for me.  I have to figure out how to manipulate it in my own way to be successful.  It's hard.  Even now, I just ate lunch half hour ago and I'm already starting to feel hungry.  I don't know what's going on and unfortunately I don't have a doc that can/will follow up with me.  My doctor is in Chicago and I haven't seen her in over 4 years.  I am too humiliated to go back.  She was very stern about follow up care and how important it is.  Unfortunately being 4+ hours away and losing my job nixed that plan and left me to my own devices.

ugh.  I am disgusted. 

I will leave this with a prayer for myself that I can sort through this crap and figure out happy.  I just want to be happy. 


0 Responses to "5/2012"


Be the first to comment! .
<< Blog Home



Archive

Tags
  • None