Shouting It from the Rooftop?

Dec 17, 2014

When my journey with wls began, I did not shout my intentions; I barely whispered. I think even my whisper whispered. I told my closest friends, the ones I thought would not judge me (which does not say much for the friends that do not know). I told my mother, the one family member I had any hope of respecting my decision (which does not say much for my other blood relations). Everyone has such mixed views about everything and people seem to think it is entertaining to watch someone bash another for their lifestyle choices.

I have a very strong support system with my loved ones and my friends, but I wanted something more. I wanted advice, information, and even support from those who have gone or are going down this path; a friend in arms, if you will. I have been seeking out various sources of information and support. This day and age, the largest source to find it is through the internet and that was where I went. I am not really a Facebook(er) the way I see many other people do it. I have an account, but rarely post and mostly use it for games or chatting with people I do not get to see very often. It was suggested to me to seek out some of the support groups currently set up. I never really thought about Facebook or Yahoo groups, I was searching for places dedicated to the topic.

The good news – I found some and am gaining more information, support, and insight into the [possible] road ahead for me.

The bad news – it got me thinking.

“Do I set up a new Facebook account or do I announce, not just to my close friends and family, but to the world my intentions for surgery?”

Part of my depression issue during the first couple of months after I quit smoking was facing facts: I put myself where I am – no one is responsible for it, but me. That is a very hard pill to swallow when all you want to do is curl up on the couch and suck your thumb (or something equally unbecoming for an adult). I swallowed it, warts and all, and began to really let go of the past, live in the brace, and embrace the possibilities for the future.

“Does everyone need to know it?”

It doesn’t matter how the question pops up or whether or not Facebook has anything at all to do with it. I could care less what my old high school pals (and enemies) or people I am friends with because we play the same games think of my decision to have surgery to save my life. The same goes for old co-workers who were too busy stabbing each other in the back to give one lick about someone’s feelings or doing the right thing. That is for another post. J If I am being honest, I will admit that I just lied. Whether anyone wants to admit it or not, everyone craves it. That horrible phrase called social acceptance happens through conformity, riches, or fame. In the world as a whole, it does not happen by admitting to the world that you made a very long serious of unhealthy choices and now you suffer from many illnesses and take $1000s worth of medication every month, but it’s okay because you are going to go under the knife to fix it all. That was long winded and potentially jaded, but it is my (current) view of the situation, even if it is a bit snarky.

The Truth

Truth be told, I don’t want to deal with it. It would be worth the time and effort to defend myself because I do matter, but I just do not want to deal with close minded people who will never be able to fully understand my situation (if I can avoid it). You could say that ‘they’ are not worth the effort, but that sounds very mean and I do not want to be a mean person. People say to “let it go” or “don’t let it bother you.” I have handed out that advice many times over on various topics. If that makes me a hypocrite, I will freely accept the title.

The thing I keep forgetting is: they just don’t matter that much. All people matter and I always strive to not intentionally be mean, but sometimes it happens. This is one of those times. Part of the problem that got me where I am is that I always put other people’s feelings, wants, and needs first. To succeed with embracing the changes and persevering the harder times of bettering my life, I need to be put first.

Do I want to be socially accepted? Sure. Do I NEED to be socially accepted in order to live a happy and healthy life? Not at all.

In the end, nothing matters more than I do.

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About Me
Grand Junction, CO
Location
35.8
BMI
RNY
Surgery
03/31/2015
Surgery Date
Nov 05, 2014
Member Since

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