So, eating real food is a pleasure. Only eating a small amount is also a pleasure. You do in fact get full after a small amount of solid food. My coworkers said I eat like a bird....ME?? Yes, me. Now I do. Now, when I sit with my friends in the cafeteria at work, I marvel at how people can fit all that food into their stomachs. I find myself staring. I remember eating that much food, too. Now, I am very satisfied eating a small amount of whatever I eat. I no longer fear food or the freedom to try new foods. It's just wonderful! I am down 30 pounds and I am excited and at peace. My doctor is not one to "count" grams or ounces of anything, so even though I do concentrate on protein and fluids, he does not obsess over it, so I don't. That's very freeing. I feel relaxed about food. I no longer crave eating everything I see like I had the past few weeks. I have found some foods don't settle as well and I know what can happen if I eat too fast or too much. It's a delicate balance that requires you to slow down and chew well. The beauty of it is that doing those two things allows you to really taste your food and be satisfied with much less. I hope you all are doing well, too.

It's only Tuesday, but it's already a long week. I have become progressivley more anxious to start a regular diet. This Friday marks my 6th week postop. I have lost 28 pounds so far. I found myself looking at magazines today at work; pictures of food, recipes, etc. My co-workers noticed it and started teasing me. At one point one of them said,"Judi, put that magazine down and walk away from the counter." (just like a policeman would tell someone to drop the gun and walk away from the car). We all had a good laugh. I'm just pitiful!! Actually, it's a little scarey to be cut loose from the restriction I've been on for 6 weeks. I some how think I will eat too much, but I know it's not possible. I just want variety. I am so sick of crackers, cottage cheese and yogurt. BUT, it's a small price to pay. (didn't I complain about this the last time I wrote??)

Today marks my fourth week since surgery. I have lost 21 pounds. One thing I've learned is that every one loses at their own rate. Some people lose 21 pounds in 2 weeks...or 3. Some are slower, some are faster. I will take it as it comes. Of course, there will also be weeks when you stall, which is also completely normal, just frustrating. I do have lots of food cravings....but more like, I remember when I enjoyed that food and I wish I could now. But, I have two more weeks of diet restrictions. I am not nearly as hungry as before surgery. I eat very little because my stomach just won't hold very much, which is fine, since that's what I paid for.....automatice portion control. So, even though I look forward to trying the foods I am used to like fruit, vegetables, chicken, etc. I know that I won't be eating nearly as much as before, in fact, there's no way I can. I am rambling because I am tired. I went back to work this week. I'm a nurse, so I keep pretty busy. So, please forgive the rambling. I will write again next week unless some really mind shattering event takes place.

I went to my doctor today to get my return to work paperwork. While I was there I mentioned to the nurse that I was perplexed as to why I hadn't lost any weight in a week. So she had me jump on the scale. I had lost another 4 pounds for a total of 17. I was relieved. My scale at home read 9 pounds heavier....so throw that thing away! I was questioning weither I was eating too little, too much, not enough water, etc. Anyway, I felt better. My incision continues to heal and I return to work Monday. I am walking 2 miles a day or more, ususally just 2, but today I worked to pick up the pace. I felt fine afterwards. I am still waiting for the final bill from the hospital...nervously, too. Only three weeks until my six weeks of restricted foods is over. Yea!

Today has been two weeks since surgery. I have noticed in the past few days that I have had less and less energy. I think I might have had an adreneline high for a week or so, because I remember feeling so much better than I thought I would. I lost 3 pounds this week, making a total of 11 in two weeks. Nothing too stellar. I realized early that I could get really obsessed with weight loss if I weighed myself daily, so I decided to weigh once a week, on Fridays. The scale gets put away during the week. I think I am disappointed in my lose. I have read too many other blogs and seen too many before and after pictures to think they lost so slowly. So, again, I think looking at so many blogs/pictures could also be obsessive and discourage me. I will loose when I loose. It is hard to trust this surgery will work because I have never been successful at weight loss; or keeping it off once lost. So, I guess I don't want to get too excited or set my expectations too high. I am eating a very little amount of food right now and exercising almost daily; 2-3 miles of walking daily. What more can I do? I need to be satisfied and involve myself in other pursuits....to keep myself sane.