WEll, yeah i always have been!
I put in my 2 weeks notice at work when my boss wouldnt work with my schedule to allow me to go to school. Its funny how it worked out and my hubby was my biggest cheerleader! My boss is now having a cow and begging me to work what ever hours i can till she can replace me since there is no way she can do that with the 2 weeks notice i gave (professionally its enough, she would have liked more because our system and her dumb arse takes about 4-6 weeks). BUT NO, i am starting clean and outta here. I feel so free, i should feel scared but i dont! My pastor gave a sermon that even was talking about making the necessary changes in your life so you can follow gods plan, no matter how hard! So i did =)
I had a yard sale and got rid of so much stuff, everything else went to the goodwill (except for my fat cloths). I kept my Calvin Klein, Hydralic etc cloths because i havent decided if i am going to sell them on craigslist (or some consignment shop) or just donate them to my support group this next monday. I kept my scrubs too since i may do the same thing with those (or try to find a big girl here at work to give them to).
I found my massage office space and it needs work but has soo much potential its a very old house (i would approximate about 1900) with lots of charecter. I will have to put in some elbo grease but my friend is giving me a really good deal and is actually going to share the space with me (his office will be in the back). So i will be having an open house my first week and will probably be giving free 10 min seated massages and discount books out...something fun and exciting. I will probably also have WLS friendly snacks around during that time (since its what i can eat). I will post a note about it when that time comes. I will also try and figure out a way to post progress pictures in the mean time! I have been mulling over names for my practice and have a nice list going!
I have been having strange nightmares but i think they are a sign of all the change in my life (there is not theme to them, just fear and/or anger).
I am going to miss 2 ladies at work, but i hope to keep in contact with them!
I also want to lean how to start my own blog (not like this one) and every few days put things in with pictures i think are cool. like the other day i went for a walk on the Ruston Way Waterfront at 630AM, it was amazing and beautiful and something i would like to share with the world especially those who dont wake and leave the house till 9AM cause its a totally different world as the sun is just waking up. my sewing purses projects etce etc.
I feel so full of ideas and excitment and its all GOOOOOOD! I dont know how but its all because of the WLS, i guess since i cant just eat to be happy, now i have to "DO" to be happy. I also uncorked my creativity finally after being bottled up for over 17yrs (i havent been expressive in creative ways since HS). And now its pouring out too! Its so amazing the direction my life is taking me, i know i will suceed, more importantly i know i will be happy!
I gave thought to growing my hair back out (as in my avi picture, those who know me, know i have a short Bob). but i decided that is seomthing i dont want to change, i like it! its spunky like i feel right now!
I hope everyone will check out my "goals" on this page, i have so many and they excite me even more, maybe they will you. So far i have achieved "thighs not rubbing together" that was sometime in the past few weeks but not sure which date exactly...thank god no more summer burn in the inner thighs! (wont miss that, no sir) AND fit comfortably in a chair again that was about 3 weeks or so ago but now i actually  have tons of room in a chair and i can cross my legs and not have to fight to keep them like that, they just flop over eachother and stay there with no work from me. At church i dont consume the chair and flood over into the person next to me, infact i have enough room to actually put my purse next to me, or lay both arms straight down and still have room!!! Its just crazy!


well....i gotta run (life is calling)...
xoxoxoxo

as i sit here (yup at work) i am struggling with a migraine, but my coworker (who is oncall today so is the main person responsible) is at a doctors appointment and no one knows when she will be in. So i had 2 choices i could call in, which is what i really wanted to do, or i could drag myself in here to handle the pt visit i know we have this morning, well you know what i choose. I asked if we could get stuffy ready early so i could leave since the pt appointment isnt until 9AM and i need to take drugs before then, but NO! So i am sitting here in pain AND SO FLIPPIN MAD! I hate this place, i hate everyone in it.
This place is standing in the way of my going back to school, as in EVER. becasue of my schedule, and being oncall for 2 weeks per month, i cant and never will be able to go to school for what i want (its not the kinda thing you can do online).

So as i sit and stew on all this, i am getting the overwheling urge to QUIT! Give proper notice and leave! This job will never let me go follow my dreams, it will never be convient for them or a good time for me to quit so why not now...i am already signed up for school on August 3rd but was going to contact them and try to delay my attendance date but as i sit here in pain and mad i ask myself WHY...Why wait? I know all the logical reasons for not quiting a job in this economy, for not quitting when i am so broke, but i am often broke and the ecomony, i cant control that and lord only knows when/if it will get better. in the mean time my surgery has made me have to look at things and deal with them or freak out (yes, i have really freaked out several times when i let something go that i should have faced head on).

I am realizing i need to do more to feed my soul (not stomach), i need to allow myself time and pleasure and the things i want, i can no longer live in a place where self denial is daily. I have to look at my goals, my hobbies/interests and pursue them all. I cant stuff my creativity down, it must come out. So i think i am going to quit my job.

Maybe after i take my migraine meds i will calm down and feel differently but i have honestly been thinking about this since BEFORE surgery and its only intensified since then....

Have you been here before or are you going through this now? Yours thoughts and words are a blessing to me!
Much love
JP

I had heard all about constipation, i knew it would be a part of my life (most likely), but when i was actually able to go every day or 2 i felt ok, it was very solid but not too....large so it passed just fine. WELL yesterday i had to go and there was actually blood in the toilet (after what felt like hours of pushing), i knew it was from "ripping" because it was very red. Imagine my surprise when i had to go again today. Ok well...it LITERALLY felt like i was giving birth out my butt, pushing, resting, repositioning. my co-worker (yes, i was at work folks) actulaly knocked on the door looking for me, i didnt reply and she didnt knock again. I grunted and finally passed most of the stuff. but some was still there, so work some more and get more creative. all said and done i was bleeding more then i would have expected to be safe. i call the doctor and so now my new friend
MIRALAX, i am leaving to get some on my break and it shall be my new best friend, i am sure.
As for this weekend, there are no bike rides in my future!!! Plenty of walking, not much sitting....ough.
Oh and did i mention that i also have a urinary tract infection that started last night. luckily i have this herbal mixture that ususally cures it for me!!
My poor bottom, eh

Well, its the strangest thing, i have been hungry lately and that worried me until i realized i could now drink my protein shakes (yep, got 2 down yesterday). I think getting in my 3 a day will take that hunger right back out. I am proud of the choices i make in my eating and my choice to try and be as active as possible, maybe a new me is a great thing, maybe the new me will be busy driven and motivated. I have had more energy and i have been happier yet grumpier.
I think carbs will be a problem for me for a very long time and i plan on avoiding them for a bit. I bought these gensoy crisps a friend thought might help with my protein, yeah they are something i would eat too much of, especially the cheese flavor. I did buy some Curry cashews...mmmm and those are good because i limit myself just becasue they are too hot (i have like 3). I have still been too chicken to try meat, i will try soon. Eggs work though! I have been getting in all my multivits, most of my calcium (well not the 4500mg doctor wants, the 1500mg i feel like i can get in that is common with other pts), and vitamin d (well most days on that one). I will add back the iron in a week or 2 since the protein issues seems to be resolved (fixing 1 thing at a time).
Work still sucks, but isnt that how must people feel. on the flip side, pray for me because it looks like a class for massage will open up at the end of this month that will totally work with my work schedule and that would mean i could start a new career and just work here part time until i was established! That is so exciting to me.
i went for a bike ride the other day for 30 minutes, i got home and hubby wanted to go for a jog (while i ride) so we took off and he set this goal for a store a ways from our house i thought i couldnt make it, it would be too far, but decided to try. worst case senerio he would have to jogg home and get the car and pick me up. well we got there and i was like WOW, look at me go, we got home and looked it had taken about 2 hours but i did it. 2 & 1/2 hr bike ride in one day!!! I felt so proud and ACCOMPLISHED! on that note i finished (well now i have to add embelishments) my first sewing project, a purse and i again felt like...WOW, i am getting  stuff done! I have been keeping my kitchen so clean, my bedroom more tidy, i organized my top shelfs in a large pantry area of my kitchen (its to the ceiling in our tall ceiling house, i was standing on a chair that didnt creek or break). I have played in the sun with my baby boy, i have kept our bathroom clean (helped our family do this). i didnt realize how tired/lazy/unmotivated i was before and now...i just go go go! It gives me a good feeling about me and what i do and who i am (or might be). My baby and i also trimmed some bushes and trees and then drove the lawn tractor cart to dump our debris! I feel like the fricking energizer bunny (well not exactly but compared to my baseline).
I need to post pictures but i dont really see too much change except in my face. i know there is some though because guys are checking me out while driving again (some days) and that is funny because i realize how invisible fat people really are. it is only in the past 4 yrs or so that i became invisible and i didnt want to think about it but now, that i get head turns again, i cant ignore it.
Well that is definately enough for now!
xoxo