JuniperLane
Weighing in (weight, eating, exercising, support & friend)
Jul 12, 2014
My first month I went from 291 (surgery weight) to 267.5 which is a 23.5 pound weight loss. I do not want to compare myself to anyone because I do have a tendency to be negative and I really do not want to internalize anything that does not measure up. I am a little behind on blogging and this blog is being written 2 days short of my 6 week post op day. I will weight in on Monday but I did weigh in today and I weigh 261. A total of 40 pounds post op weight loss in 6-weeks. I did make it (mentally) through my first stall.. it started in the middle of week 4 and lasted a week... which is why I am glad I am not paying too much heed to how others are doing.
Eating has been interesting. I am not having any cravings but this may be a result of removing the fundus gland. I read the message boards and others do have cravings... I wonder if this will come back. Right now I know that if I have a craving it is mental, not physical... and so I work on that. I cannot eat too much at one time and have to spread out my eating over an hour or so. Some message boards say do not do this. I find, at least for right now, that it is the only way I can get in all of my protein for the day. Right now I am eating 1/2 cup of low fat cottage cheese (which I am lucky to absolutely love) with a handful of cherry tomatoes. I have been working on it for about 30 minutes and I am only half way through. Also, I AM drinking while eating and realize that ultimately I will have to stop this. Right now it does not effect my hunger so I am going with it... as it keeps me sane and feeling satiated. For the time being I am setting a goal of eating protein laden food with at least 1 gram of protein per 10 calories. Not everything I eat falls into this category (hmmm... I wonder if the internet has a list ready to go of all of these foods). I have discovered the following qualify: HEB 30 gram protein shake (190 calories), low-fat cottage cheese, some mozzarella cheeses, and Boar's Head Ever Roast Chicken.
I started exercising in week 3. I first began at the gym and have progressed to doing Tae-bo, pilates and weights. I bought an AeroPilates machine for my house which I love an I have brought out all of the workout equipment I have collected over the last decade (WHICH IS A LOT). I do the pilates nightly because it is really really easy just to roll out of bed and onto the machine. The Tae-bo boot camp with resistance bands is difficult because I have very little arm strength. I have been doing research on weight training and know that it is absolutely essential to looking better an loosing weight. I am happy that exercise is not a chore for me right now because I would really like to be successful at dropping the weight and I really want to do as much as I can to minimize the damage I have caused to my skin. I am dealing with the fact that my body is not going to look like how I want it to due to loose skin. I will have to start saving for surgery.
My family is being supportive... well, my immediate family anyways. I am single and live alone but I get a phone call from my brother and father on the daily. They check in with me to see how I am doing and how I am feeling. I talk with them about my disordered thinking about food and how I feel. Right now I am tired and my sleeping schedule has been thrown way off. I go to bed at 4 or 5 am and wake up at 2pm. I am going to work on getting this on track but right now I do not have to work and I think I am just going to not judge myself for being gluttonous with my sleeping pattern. Or, at least, I am going to try not to be judgmental.
I had a friend that went with me to Mexico who had the same surgery as I did at the same time I did. The first month, even though she was 40 pounds lighter than me, she lost a higher percentage of body weight than I did. She also was able to progress in her eating much quicker than I did, eating an enchilada and chicken fried rice within three weeks of the surgery. However, she has not been working out with me and she says she is not eating right, not taking vitamins and not getting her fluids in. I am afraid for her but I am also afraid to get too emotionally involved in how she is handling her surgery because I do not want to co-mingle my issues (mental and everything else) with her issues. Essentially, I have a tendency to be co-dependent and I do not want to this to be an issue or project onto her the issues I am dealing with. However, it is an eye-opener to see how easy it is to fall back into old food-behavior patterns and it scares the heck out of me.
** I have begun reading more about eating disorders and binging. The book I am reading is almost a road-map to my life. I do not want to overly associate with "having an eating disorder" because, as a counseling student, I am aware that over-identification can lead to more issues. I will say that I prefer to call it Disordered Thinking with regards to food and eating. I am becoming more aware of the behavioral and thought patterns.
One other thought... I am slowly beginning to tell people (outside of my family) that I had the surgery. I mentioned the surgery to a co-hort of mine (I am in a counseling masters program) and he said that I was not that weak... that I was strong enough to do a diet on my own and be successful. I don't know why but this comment has stuck with me and I feel that others will believe that having this surgery was the "easy way out". I can tell you that the only EASY part about doing this surgery was not being able to eat too much at one time. I have had to process my thoughts/feeling/addictions to food, I have started working out and beyond all of this I have to be very mindful of what I am eating and how I am eating. Yes, I am restricted physically but good lord, with all the mental issue I am working through about food... the restriction of food seems the easy part. I have been dieting since I was 8 (I am currently 34) and I do not know if I would have ever been successful at losing the weight without surgery. I just do not know if I could have dealt with both the MENTAL and physical aspect of dieting. This surgery has given me the opportunity to put the mental fight at the forefront, which is what I need right now. I should also mention that I quit smoking 2 weeks before the surgery and am still smoke free... and goodness I miss it. I do not miss the smell. I do not miss having to go buy cigarettes. I wish wish wish I could smoke, but I know I will never be able to. I am dealing with it.
Final thoughts: each person is different and while there are similarities, this experience will be different for everyone, I am going to try not to judge myself or others, I'm just going to breathe and allow things to unfold as it will (such as my number going down on the scale), I am better off being single right now even though I miss intimacy... then again, I am not certain if I know or would be comfortable with real intimacy, I need to work on my self-esteem (especially when thinking of myself naked), I need to be more selective of the people that I try to put in my world. I have noticed that I am always calling people to see if they want to go do something but none of my friends ever call me to go do anything. I do not like this and think I am just going to pull back for a while to evaluate everything. I tend to attract broken people so right now... distance might be good.
REVISION: I forgot to mention that I had about 2 weeks of a nausea spell that was just horrible. I did not know what it was from but it seems to have passed. It may have had something to do with the acid I have been experiencing. IF YOU ARE NEW TO THE WLS and find that you are constantly hungry... it might be a result of acid. An abundance of acid in your stomach makes it feel like you are hungry... I was really hungry and eating constantly until the acid was reduced. Now I am back to where I was pre-acid.