ObesityHelp

This realtor was amazing and definately sent by God.  I'm not selling my house...at least not right now.  She helped me to see why I was feeling defeated and destroyed and showed me how to fix it.  There are more sacrifices to be made and more hard decisions to follow but she showed me that I don't have to give up my house.

The dogs have to go.  Aside from feeding them I cannot afford to take care of them properly.  I don't know the last time they went to the vet for a check-up and God forbid one of them got sick or injured.  I don't have the money for that. This is hard but it's the right thing to do for them and for me. I love them so much.  Now about Molly and her destructiveness.  She has ruined my furniture, my house, my backyard and Lord only knows how many possessions she has destroyed.  She is why my house is in bad shape and why I don't have anything.  Janette made me realize that Molly is controlling me. Her behavior is horrible which is why no one comes over here--I can't expose people to her. So anyway...I'm trying to figure out what to do with them & where to surrender them to.

Janette was sent by God to educate me on His ways and what he wants for me and to remind me how much He loves me.  I need to forgive myself for what I deem as my failures..but she reminded me they aren't mine.  I am a child of God and through Him I am blessed and loved.  Amazing...it was truly amazing and I am thankful that I found her.

One year ago today I was getting ready to go to the hospital for my RNY.  I weighed 268 lbs having lost 10 lbs on my pre-op diet.  I was wearing a size 26/28 pants and a 3X or so top (always bought big so I'm not real sure of the size on the tops).

I don't remember much about that day except that DD drove me & we hit bad traffic & I freaked out cause I thought we were going to be late.  Once I got to the hospital it's a blur. Whatever meds they gave me really mellowed me out cause I fell asleep while doing the pre-op prep and remember nothing until I got to my room.  The hospital was great. Opposite of most (of course lol) I slept A LOT--the pain meds knocked me out. I did minimal walking because I was always asleep but did force myself to walk between doses.

The first few months were tough.  Weight loss was slow and emotionally I was a wreck.  I am addicted to food and that liquid diet I was on drove me crazy (I was on full liquids for 2 months).  Once I started adding in solids I threw up everything for the first month -no nausea just couldn't tolerate solid food.  The recovery from the actual surgery was easy--the food was hard.  But at about 4 or 5 months things started to improve tremendously.  I was throwing up less and able to add in food without a lot of difficulty.  The weight started to fall off.

Let's go on to my actual life.  I became extremely active in TMB.  Just jumped right in for support and met the most wonderful people I have ever met.  Cheered me on and gave me a butt kicking when needed.  Who knew that this surgery would not only change me physically but emotionally and most importantly--spiritually.  While my body was shrinking on the outside-inside I was growing & still am.  I've been though more challenges in this last year than at any time in my life and it's been hard...BUT thanks to GOD and you all I am able to withstand anything.  Yes I have meltdowns every so often but even that is okay.  I am a stronger, happier person today than I was one year ago.

So I've lost 133 pounds, tons of inches and gained a family.  I could not be more thankful for RNY if I tried.  I love you all and even through the struggles feel more blessed than at any time in my life.

In 24 days it will be a year since my surgery.  I have been doing some reflecting lately about all the changes that have come about in my life in the last year...getting laid-off from Dell being the worst thing thing that happened and finding the "REAL" me being the best.
I have lost 130 pounds and tons of inches.  I am happy, calm and my life is on an even-keel even though money is the worst it's ever been.  I am able to handle the crap that life throws at me because I no longer hate myself and know that God loves me even when things are tough.  HE is teaching me lessons every day about who I am supposed to be...not who I think I should be.  I still have lots of moments where I think about how bad things are--but I also am wise enough to know it could be much worse.  This surgery has blessed me in so many ways.  I have found ME again...I lost her so many years ago and blamed my ex, my Mom...everyone but me.  I thought I was taking responsibility for what happened but truly I was too angry and miserable to really do that.  I hated myself and who I had become.  I was always overweight but the self-hatred really didn't start until my 30's when I gave up on everything.
So here I sit today at 47 years old (will be 48 in December) better at being me than I have ever been.  Thank you JESUS.  This would not have been possible without HIM leading the way because all I ever did was make a mess of it all.  I'm older, wiser and healthier than I have ever been...and HAPPY and feeling like I'm in my 20's wanting to try new things, make friends and find someone to share it all with.  That will come in time as well...now I truly understand it's in HIS time...never mine.