I am feeling pretty good about myself right now.  I have not had a cigarette since last Thursday night.   I smoked my last one in the pack and decided to start fresh on Friday.  I know it's only been 3 days but that's 72 hours...that's 4,320 minutes! 
My mom smoked for 40+ yrs and quit about 6-7 yrs ago only to be diagnosed w/ lung cancer in March of this year.  Lung cancer that is inoperable b/c the spot is too high up on her lung. When she first quit, she would stay on me constantly..."If I can quit after 40+ yrs then you can quit right now".  Of course at that time it went in one ear and out the other. It's Sad how it takes a tragedy to snap us out of being so bull headed sometimes.  She took radiation for about a month, 2-3 times a week and then she started Chemo around May.  We found out last month that the Chemo isn't really working b/c the cancer has almost doubled in size and also one of her lungs has collapsed.  She made the decision last week to stop taking the Chemo.

I have never felt so scared and helpless in my entire life.  The hard knot of feelings that I have inside my heart right now are indescribable and there is absolutely nothing I can do to make them go away.  I figure I owe it to my beautiful mother...my rock....my hero....to stop smoking right now since I was too stupid to do it when she first asked me to.  I love you Ma....you mean the world to me.

I was so devasted when I found out that I had to do the 6 month diet for my insurance company (BCBS).  Six months seems like such a long time when you say it out loud but it is actually going by pretty fast.  By the time I finish one monthly appointment, before I know it another one comes around.  I have to thank my job and my kids for this b/c they pretty much keep me so busy that I hardly have a chance to focus on the time.  I have not been doing so good in these 6 months however.  I lost about 8 lbs on the first visit then I gained it back plus 4 more.  Then I lost it again and gained it back again.  I am so scared and confused that I don't know what to do.  What is the insurance company trying to prove w/ this 6 month diet thing anyway.  Isn't this the whole purpose for us needing the surgery? B/cuz diets don't work?!?