- HEALTH TRACKER
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STOP!! Are you sure you really want to read this? If you do, please keep in mind that I, like everyone else, am taking a chance in letting you get to know me. I'm willing to take that chance. I ask that you please treat me and my information with respect. If you choose to keep reading, thanks for being here!
As far as my weight story goes, I wasn't overweight until I was about 18 or 19 years old. Obesity does not run in my family. I have 3 older brothers, and I'm the only girl and the baby of the family. I grew up playing basketball, baseball, softball, football, track, and almost any game my brothers would invent! In high school my true love was basketball. I was on our high school girls basketball team. I played some Varsity as a Freshman, and by my Sophomore year I was playing first-string point guard for the Varsity team. I injured my knee playing basketball in the very beginning of my Junior year. Bec of my injury and a first knee operation, I was out for the rest of my Junior year. I couldn't wait until my Senior year got here. I had planned to have the best time playing basketball then. In the beginning of the summer before my Senior year, I re-injured my knee. I was told by doctors then that the only surgery that could fix my knee was not that successful in girls. I was game, though. This was my life! The doctor told me to basically do without sports. WHAT?! And my parents agreed. WHAT?! I had to quit the basketball team during the summer before my Senior year, the one I had been waiting for. My coach had always liked me, but when I went into her office to let her know of my news that I had to quit the team, she said okay without ever lifting her head to look at me. I was DEVASTATED by the whole ordeal!!
Pretty much at the same time, I started having issues that had caught up with me from past years. I finally revealed and tried to face sexual abuse from the past by one of my catechism teachers. I didn't know who to go to, so I went to our parish priest thinking he could possibly help me get thru this and we don't have to tell anyone. I was wrong! He took advantage of my vulnerability and reliance on him. He also sexually abused me. I began in psychotherapy to try to deal with all of this mess. And I'm still in therapy today. I started on anti-depressants and then anti-anxieties, and later anti-pysochotics, although I've never been pyschotic. I also started EATING my feelings AND not exercising! My dad would control if I could go to therapy or not or get on meds. to help me. And my dad did ALOT more than that throughout my life! Though I have civil conversations and short visits with my parents, I don't have alot of respect for them. Long story; or many long stories! I chose to move out of my parents' house when I was 18 yrs. old. I stayed with whoever I could, wherever I could, whenever I could. I refused to ever go back to live at my parents' no matter what. I worked and tried to get by. I ATE! And ATE! And ATE! Finally something was there for me; FOOD!
Time went by, I continued to have all kinds of emotional problems and devastating memories. Through therapy, I came to realize that some of the things I did all of my life weren't typical of kids, . . . . . unless they were exposed to sexual abuse at an earlier time in their life. Some things started to make sense to me.
I've been married now for 12 years, and we have one almost 9 yr. old special needs son. I continue in therapy as I have made GREAT PROGRESS thru the years! I also obviously have a chemical imbalance so I stay on my meds. and I tend to function quite well, all things considered!
Bec of past trauma, I have DID, also known as Dissociative Identity Disorder. The best definition I can give you of that is at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dissociative_identity_disorder. In PART bec of my DID and past sexual abuse, though I've already had WLS, I struggle to always WANT to maintain my weight losses. Part of me at a subconscious level, feels more vulnerable to being abused by losing weight and possibly looking more attractive to others. I do know in my head that I'm an adult now, and no one will take advantage of me that way again! I also realize that I didn't have much protection thru the years when I was growing up. NOW, I'm making things different! I'm responsible for myself now and glad about it! That's one of the reasons I chose to have WLS. I want to improve my health, and hopefully look better. Though I continue in weekly therapy working on many issues, sometimes I still have trouble with just daily functioning and getting by. It's very detailed and complicated.
I'm happy to be where I am! I'm a Christian, happily married, I love my son and would do anything for him or my husband, and I'm very happy I had WLS! I seem to be doing well post-op.
I NOW CONSIDER MYSELF BLESSED!! TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!