• Username: kandiklatsch
  • Location: Houston, TX, USA
  • Member Since: 7/10/2011
  • BMI: 50.0
  • Hoping to have surgery
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weigh under 200 lbs!

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kandiklatsch's Blog
kandiklatsch's Blog


Motivated... or Not?
on July 11, 2011 3:11 pm
Motivated...err Some what! I joined this site because I need to hear it from people that feel just like me. From being overweight, to a little helpless, to feeling unmotivated, and knowing that this something needs to be done to snap out of this feeling. People that are here because they want a new outlook in life and know that getting it together will only be the beginning of our healthy lives. 

A little bit over a year ago, I had decided that I would no longer be unhealthy and that I wanted to live for a long time...happy! So, I put on my work-out shoes and jumped on my mountain bike and took a 32 mile ride. I felt great, energized, I wasn't even out of breath considering that I hadn't worked out in a long time and I was weighing 285lbs. I was even able to breathe  clearly without my allergies kicking my butt. I felt great and I did it for almost three months straight losing more than 40lbs. 

Then one night, I slipped and sprained my knee! It was the worse feeling ever. My sister was able to call the ambulance and I was rushed to the hospital. The doctor that saw me that night did x-rays on my knee and said that it was only sprained. That all I had to do was lay in bed for two weeks and not do a lot of walking so the swelling could go away and I could be able to walk, etc. Well, on one of my many routes to the bathroom, I slipped and fell once again hurting my knee. The pain subsided so I didn't think much of it. Weeks passed and I realized that I couldn't do simple things like putting weight on my knee to climb a step or lifting my leg up. 

Within two months of being unable to move around properly, I gained more than half the weight that I had lost back. I was feeling depressed (still am) and I stopped caring. Ended up going to a county hospital nearby and they did x-rays and told me that I had torn my PTL (patellar tendon ligament). They told me that I needed surgery, but that I was too overweight for the surgery so the doctor asked me to lose weight. This only depressed me more and I ended up gaining everything I had lost and then some. Ended up weighing 316lbs, but although I tried cutting my intake in half I have managed to only lose 10lbs. Since I can't move around or exercise like before because I am not suppose to strain my knee more than it already is.

One minute I feel motivated, then the next minute I just give up. I have a loving and caring boyfriend that has tried motivating me in many ways, but all I do is get mad and lash out on him and everyone else. I am a professional photographer and photography is my passion. I have even lost interest in that and now my camera and my equipment is collecting dust. I think about the things I could've been doing now and just fall all over again into a spiral of depression. Not even I can't stand my depressing self. 

Now that I have Harris County Hospital District Health Services (Gold Card), I will be able to afford going to specialists that can guide me. Most likely I will try to get Medicaid and in the process try and get help for WLS. I had never thought about it before, but I feel like this is the only best way now. I am only 31 and feel like I am an old crippled overweight cat woman! lol No worries, I am not or won't be. I am allergic to cats. :P

So, in the meanwhile I will try to motivate myself by reading successful stories of people with determination. Hope this rubs off on me. :) 
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