Karly Green

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I'm a month out today. How things have changed.

I'm down a total of --drum roll please -- 55 pounds total, 26 of those pounds since surgery.

First, I want to say ... This fixes your stomach, but NOT YOUR MIND! I've been dealing with head hunger hardcore! It's been to the point where I don't want to go places because I know the sight and smell of food will be hard to deal with.
Everyone's different. I have a friend who had the surgery 2 years ago and she said she couldn't even think about eating for like 2 months. The thought of it make her feel like throwing up.
Me, I'm just the opposite. I want to EAT! Adding meat into my diet has helped a lot. I feel a tad bit more normal now. And it helps with the cravings. Except that every single time I eat I am so racked with nerves that I'll get sick that I can hardly enjoy my food. ... But, thank God I haven't had any problems YET.

I still don't feel 100% back to normal. Especially since I've been taking stool softeners. They make me so nauseous I can't stand it. But, if I don't take them I end up only poo'ing once every 5 days and it's so backed up and painful I literally sit on the toilet crying, and sweating, and praying for relief. So, I guess if I have to choose one or the other, I'll take the daily queasiness for a good bowel movement once every other day or so.
I get tired pretty easily still. And walking around for too long makes my back hurt, but it used to happen before surgery too. So I guess with more weight loss that should fix itself (I'm hoping).

I seem to have a small problem getting all my fluids and protein in. I get close ... But sometimes don't meet my 64 oz of water. And my Nutritionist said she wants me to have about 70g of protein a day (laughed to myself when she said that). I generally get about 50g. I drink 2 protein shakes a day in skim milk. So that gives me 28g of protein each. Plus whatever I get from food. But I don't eat much, so I doubt I get much of anything from food.
Water is boring. I use crystal light on occasions. But it tends to dry my mouth out if I'm sipping on it all day. So, I only use it like once a week. So by the end of the night I'm dreading sip sip sipping my water. But, I do. Because that's what I signed up for and I knew it would be that way.
I hope to start up my exercise this week again. My surgeon cleared me last week for light exercise. But I decided to wait till a month out to start going back to the YMCA. I need to start on my arms and inner thighs quick! They're already getting hangy. I do a lot of walking throughout the day, so I don't feel like I'm too sedentary.

My marriage is sorta going down hill. 
I honestly don't think it has anything to do with me getting the surgery. My husband and I have been drifting apart for a while. He wants kids and dogs and I'm not sure I do. I want to move home to San Diego, and he DOES NOT. At this point we're sorta more like roommates than husband and wife.  ... Being that I can't (read DON'T WANT TO) get pregnant we haven't had sex in like 3 months because he refuses to wear a condom, and I don't want to risk the possibility of a swimmer making it to my baby makers. So, I've just been cock blocking him for months. And that's taken it's toll.
It's no ones fault really that we're distant. But I know the lack of intimacy has a lot to do with it.
I mean, we're still nice to each other, still sleep in the same bed. Still watch TV together, and do things together. But it's different than it should be. We're more like buds.
We're going on vacation back home to San Diego to visit friends and family, and I guess when we get back we'll start discussing what we're going to do.
I do honestly love him, and I think we'll remain friends if we get divorced. But it's sorta heart breaking. You know how that is when you get married to someone and you think it'll last forever and you'll love that person the same way for the rest of your life? ... Yea, I thought that too. But you know the saying "relationships are hard work". I guess we could have, or should still put more hard work into our marriage. I guess we'll see. He's my best friend, and I don't want to lose him. But, if I can't give him what he has declared he NEEDS ... Than it's selfish of me to try and stay with him.

Anyways ... On a happier note:
I went to Lane Bryant the other day and tried on a pair of size 16 capris, and they buttoned!!! Granted, they were SO TIGHT! Too tight I couldn't wear them yet, and I think that kind of capris run big. But... they fit!! I'm not disillusional, I know I'm not a size 16 yet. Today I'm wearing a pair of slacks from Lane Bryant that are a size 20. But when I buttoned those size 16s it was the first time since surgery that I thought to myself, "Ok, this surgery might actually be worth it!"

I've started emptying out my closet already. None of my old pants fit me anymore. So I have a HUUUUGE (I work at Lane Bryant part time so when I say huge, I mean it. I like to shop) pile of clothes starting to collect. I have a few people say they'd like to dig through the pile, so hopefully someone will get good use out of my precious articles.

I'll post a 1 month picture later today.
Good luck to everyone out there losing!

Tonight I think I am going to introduce meat into my diet. I'm 3 weeks out exactly. I am SO nervous that it will make me sick. But, only one way to find out.
I think I might go to Wendys and get a grilled snack wrap and only eat the meat out of it. Slowly, and dipped in a greek yogurt dipping of some kind.

I went to the Race Track on Sunday and it was difficult to see and smell all the amazing (but so bad for you) food. I realized I had the hardest time seeing people eat french fries. They have ALWAYS been my weakness and seeing hot crinkle cut fries covered in ketchup was torturous! Not to mention burgers, hot dogs, and pizza.

Anyways. That stuff is bad for me, and I SHOUDN'T want it.
I got a broccoli cheddar soup from Panera and ate a little of that. It went down well. Granted, I only ate a teeny tiny bit since I know it's pretty fatty and didn't want to risk getting sick. But it felt good to have something that I loved before surgery. It almost felt, ... dare I say ... "normal" .

I've been pretty proud of my pouch so far (knock on wood). She's been good to me. I've followed my surgeon and nutritionists instructions almost to the T. Scared to death that veering from it, even a little will make me sick.

Also, tomorrow I'm going back to my 2nd part time job at Lane Bryant. I'm going on vacation and need a little extra money. So I'm doing a 3.5 hour shift. I've been feeling good ... so I hope I can do it ok.

I'm 18 days out now and still haven't come to the point where I feel like I like my RNY. Some people instantly love what they've done to themselves. I, unfortunately, am not one of those people.
I miss eating. I'm on stage 2 of my diet which means I can have eggs, and beans, yogurt, and creamy soups. But I want a burger! Or a bagel with cream cheese. Or a slice of pizza.
I guess I'm just in food mourning. And I still feel like, "why'd I do this???"
I'm very happy though that everything I've eaten so far has agreed with me. So I feel fortunate about that.

Next week I can introduce meat back into my diet. I'm excited and nervous. But I'm hoping that helps with my grieving over things I can't have. ... I know I'm being stupid, and I had the surgery to be healthy and live a long, active life. But I just miss my friend. 

 

 I did it! I had my first "solid" meal. A can of fat free refried beans, some cheddar cheese, mixed well. I added in a teaspoon of plain greek yogurt also to help make it creamy. I put a little salsa in it also for some flare. Mix mix mix. I ate about 10 small bites. I physically felt like I could eat more, possibly my whole bowl. But I stopped myself once I burped. 

It was absolutely delicious and I'll most likely have it again tomorrow. It's been about an hour and my pouch is being good. So I'm crossing my fingers that beans are ok!

Happy! 

 I'm now 13 days out and have been living off a liquid diet. I am SO ready to eat! Even if it's refried beans and egg drop soup. I can't wait! I am so head hungry all the time! It's really starting to bother me. 

I went camping this weekend (in a cabin) with my husband and some friends. They brought all the normal camping food, hamburgers, hotdogs, scrambled eggs, fruit, sandwiches, cereal, etc. I just about wanted to die with envy every time it was meal time. I actually had to leave camping a day early because I couldn't take it. And although they were sympathetic towards my situation and not being able to eat any of the food, they still needed to eat. So I'd just have a already mixed protein shake, or a jello. But it certainly wasn't cutting it. 

Now I have no idea how my new little pouch is going to handle "food" once I start eating softs. But for now I'm hoping she'll be a good pouchy and let me enjoy my scrambled eggs, and refried beans without any trouble.

I've been trying hard to get all my water in. I do ok. I probably get about 50-60 oz of the required 64 oz. It's really hard to sip allllll day long. I haven't been so good with my protein though. I'm lucky to get in 20g. But that'll be easier once I can start eating more things. 

Otherwise, I'm feeling really good! I went back to work last week on Wednesday. That means I only took a week and 2 days off. But being a receptionist means I just sit at work and answer phones, so it's something I felt I was ready to go back to. 
I get out of bed and off the couch fine now. Can bend over almost like normal. I still take it easy with lifting things, but that's just cause I don't want to strain anything. 

Uuuuuugh! Just saw a pizza commercial. F word.

Hey everyone! Guess what! I'm a week out as of yesterday! Woooohooooo! I can't even say how excited I am to have the first initial week behind me pheeeeeew (releases deep breath). 

I'll tell a little about how it's been since I've been home. Mostly good. I've been slow and sore for the most part. Groan and moan a little when I get out of bed or off the couch. But that's to be expected right? On saturday I slept in my bed for the first night since being home and it was very nice. My back was killing me from the sofa, so my soft bed was very welcoming.

I'm still on a stage 1 diet. Which means liquids. Broths, jellos,  popcicles, and protein shakes. It's getting a little old, yes. But, I feel safe in the stage 1 zone. I haven't had any nausea (knock on wood). So, needless to say liquids agree with me and the thought of dumping or getting sick scares the crap outta me! I even went as far as to spit out 2 tic tacs yesterday because I saw the ingredients said they had sugar. Pathetic right? So next week when I progress to soft foods it wont be MUCH of a change, I can add in pudding and creamed strained soups. But I'm still a little nervous.

One thing that's annoying is I feel hungry ALL THE TIME! I know I can't eat. But God, do I want to! It's like, torture! Sandwiches, Chipotle, Pizza, pininis, any and everything. I want to eat it. The smell of food makes me go insane! That's probably the worst part. ... The other day I went to the mall with my husband around lunch time. I had my bottle of water, but he still had to eat. So I sat there ... looking around the food court at everyone eating chinese food, and pizza, and subs, and hotdogs, and seriously wanted to cry. Watching someone fold a slice of piping hot cheese pizza and take a bite, or slurp up a mouthful of spaghetti has never been so difficult!   .... I wont be doing that again anytime soon. 

Let's see, what else. Oh, I am almost pain free. I haven't really used any of the ass tasting liquid Hydrocodone they gave me. I can get out of bed almost effortlessly. 
I haven't been taking my calcium pills because they're TOO BIG and I find I have to drink too much water with them and it hurt my pouch. So I plan on venturing over to GNC or something to look for chewable or petites.

Also, I saw my Dietician today and I'm down to 229! Starting weight was 272, surgery weight was 243, and today I'm at 229. Woooohoooo baby! 

 You know how you read everywhere that people say it gets better each day? ... There is some truth to that.
I had my RNY on Monday 8/2, and the first few days were MISERABLE! But, now today is Saturday 8/7 so I'm 5 days out and things are going well.
I take it extremely easy. Don't life anything if I can avoid it. I've holed up on the couch with massive amounts of pillows behind me to give me support on my back and tummy. (Tried sleeping in bed and my incisions were NOT havin' it).  

So, I just sit around. Sippin' my crystal light. Nibbling on my jello. Watching my shows. I'll get a short bout of pain or uncomfortability, but it passes quickly. 
I think it hasn't sunk in yet, ya know. Like, I can't fathom that I actually got the surgery! I really really did it! 

I'm nervous though... About when I start introducing more foods into my pouch. Right now I'm fine because all I allow myself is crystal light and jello (and 5 days out I should probably be eating more). But I'm scared to death of getting nauseous or foamies, or whatever else comes with eating. Don't get me wrong... I will follow my Nutritionists orders and introduce protein drinks on day 7 and go from there. But I'm just so nervous! 

Anyways.... I can almost get up off the couch without moaning and groaning. It's still uncomfortable, but not too bad. And my back is killllling me from sleeping on the couch (woe is me, right).

well, tata for now. Gonna eat some jello.

 I had my RNY on Monday 8/2. It went relatively smooth. Besides being delayed a few hours off the start, which is typical I think.
He said I had a leak when they did the initial leak test before he closed me up. But he fixed that and I was on my way to recovery.

Recovery was ... well, awful! I've always considered myself to be a pretty tough cookie. But this, just had me out! The first time I attempted to get out of bed with the assistance of the aides was excruciatingly painful. 
The 2nd day brought little relief. I was getting my fluids in, and walking as much as I could but couldn't pass gas. I started getting so scared I was going to have a problem or something. But today, Thursday 8/5 I passed gas and was discharged home.  Thank God.

The hospital was ok too. The staff was nice, although they were VERY loud when working in a post op ward where everyone is trying to rest and recover. But the staff seemed to think shouting down the halls and talking at high volumes right outside recovery rooms was ok. 
I on the other hand, did not.
- But that's just me being a PIA - 

My incisions are still sore, and my yummy feels weird, like achy and empty. But all in all... it wasn't too bad. I didn't have much nausea (knock on wood), and I took well to the pain meds. 
So I'm pleased so far. 

Can't wait to get feeling like normal again