Hello!  Well, another month has flown by and I'm now 10 months post op.  Feelin' good, eatin' good; everything is good!  Time is going by so fast now.  I remember when the months were just crawling by when I was newly post op.  I thought I'd never be here.

Stats: I now weigh 176.  I lost 7 lbs this month, which makes for a total of 177 lbs since surgery, and 192 lbs lost since my highest weight.  The handy-dandy lab rat site informs me that I've lost 93.7% of my excess weight.  I wearing sizes 10/12 in pants and around a L/XL in shirts.

I got a small amount of labs done and they came back much improved over my last labs.  Got my iron and vitamin D up (thanks to vitalady!) and now I have to work on my folic acid.

Yesterday, I had to do some short amount of exercise for one of my biology labs.  Last year, something like this would have embarrassed me to no end because it would have been so hard.  It still sucked, but I didn't break a sweat from running around and climbing 10 flights of stairs.  I've also been thinking about joining a gym so I can try to build some muscle which I've NEVER had in my entire life.  Seriously, I can't even do a push up.  Not even a girlie one.

Also, I filmed that video testimonial for my surgeon and realized that even though I totally suck at talking on camera, talking about surgery (especially to pre-ops) is really fun and rewarding and I hope I can find a good way to stay connected to the bariatric community.  You guys are all so wonderful, and I never would have made it so far without everyone's support and knowledge, so I hope I can do a good job at sharing that with everyone else. 

As always, please feel free to PM me about anything, even if you're a lurker and even if I've got no clue who you are!

On to pics!

I am still doing really well.  I lost about 15 pounds last month, and I now weigh about 183 pounds.  I've lost 185 pounds total, and 170 pounds since surgery.  I wear a size 12 pants and L or XL tops.  I am half the size I used to be, and I've got the pictures of me and my old pants to prove it!



I'm doing really well with protein, vitamins, and water, which hasn't been as true in the past.  I'm glad that I finally got the hang of things. 

So many things have changed that I can't even think of all of them.  I'm very very pleased!

I haven't updated in awhile, so I figure it must be about time!

As of today, I weigh 230lbs.  That's a 138 lb loss total, 123lbs since surgery.  Some days I cannot even believe it, and I feel like my scale might be lying to me. 

I wear a size 18 in pants from Old Navy.  I can wear a size XL shirt from there, too.  I definitely feel smaller on the bottom, but I just don't feel that much smaller on top, for some reason.  I no longer need to wear wide-width shoes, but I do still wear an 11, and I don't see that changing.  Bummer.  I had really hoped to lose a shoe size.  Oh well!  Not the biggest worry in the world.  It at least feels good knowing that I can buy clothes in a regular store that is not Lane Bryant.

I am able to be more active in my daily life without being exhausted, but it's really hard to notice those effects because they are SO gradual.

I rarely feel hungry.  I just don't eat as much as other DSers do, but my loss is magnificent to me, so I try to not let that bother me.  I do feel food temptations rarely but they are weak and I am very, very dedicated to staying low-carb so that I can lose all of my excess weight.  Pretty much everything I eat is either protein or vegetables.  It is a weird thought that vegetables are now a supreme treat to me.  To be honest, I do look forward to a time when I can eat more volume and more variety.  I just hope I don't have to wait a whole year to get to that point.

I am constantly amazed by this DS miracle surgery, though.  I just do not crave things like I used to.  Pre-op, I would get some sort of food craving in my mind and I would be fixated on it to the point of not being able to concentrate.  There would be nothing on my mind except the food of choice, which was usually either pizza, fast food, ice cream, or chinese food.  I would be unable to function mentally until I not only ate said food, but binged to the point of discomfort on said food.  Well...no longer!  Now, I occasionally want to eat something, but it's no big deal.  I find that if I indulge the craving, I am totally bored with the food after about 2-3 bites.  If I just don't feel like indulging the craving, which I usually don't, the craving doesn't eat away at me and usually goes away rather quickly.  The most interesting part is that most of the time, the things I want to eat are protein and vegetables.

Hair:  totally falling out.  I hate it.  I am contemplating a haircut, but am on the fence about how short to go.  Everyone I ask has a different opinion.

I really try to stay on top of my nutrition, vitamins, and water.  If I ever slack off a little, I can REALLY feel it (especially with the water).  If I don't drink enough water, I get chapped lips and a dry mouth.

Regrets?  I don't know.  At first, it's so easy to feel regrets because you just feel lousy.  Now, there are just so many things that I can do that I couldn't do before.  I feel more confident when I meet new people.  I feel more comfortable in my body.  Sometimes, I feel regret when I wish I could eat more.  It doesn't happen often, but it happens occasionally.  Whenever that happens, I just remind myself of how much better I feel and how wonderful a change this has been for me, and I instantly forget my regrets.

I have 66 more lbs to lose until I reach a normal BMI.  To a normal person, this probably sounds like a lot.  To me, at this point in my journey, it really feels do-able.  It certainly feels like a lot less than the 200 lbs I started with.  Yeesh, in only 5 months?!  I am so exhilarated.

I'm going to Las Vegas next week, which I'm thrilled about.  I know I'll be able to walk all over the place without being exhausted simply from carrying my own body weight around.

So, basically, I'm excited about my life and what the future should bring.

I MY DS!

I'm finally 2 months post op and I feel really good!  I got my full amount of energy back around 6 weeks out.  I am still struggling with nausea, but it is getting a little bit better as long as I eat enough.

I've lost about 65 lbs so far (50 lbs since surgery).  I can tell in the way that things fit that I am getting smaller.  I know my legs and butt are getting smaller because those areas are getting really baggy in my pants.  I'm wearing 28's right now, but they are a bit too loose in the waist and I may need to go down to a 26 soon.  I can also tell that my fingers are skinnier than usual, because my rings are way too loose, and I had to stop wearing them.  I've always hated my sausage looking fingers, so I am excited that they are losing size along with the rest of me!  As far as I can tell, my ring finger size has gone from a 10 to an 8 or 8.5.

I was cleared to eat whatever I can handle at my last post op appointment, yay!

I am experiencing some hair loss.  It's not coming out in clumps yet, but it is noticeably coming out a bit easier than usual.

I'm officially one month post op!  In some respects, this has been the longest month of my life, yet sometimes it feels like it flew by.

I don't have much to add.  I'm still drowsy and physically tired, and still getting full really fast.  My diet hasn't progressed much further than what I listed before, so not much to add there either.

I don't know how much weight I've lost because I don't have a scale and my appointment with Dr. Ganta isn't until next Friday.  I'm not really all that concerned about the weight loss right now, anyways.  Just trying to focus on liquids and protein and trusting my DS to do its job.

I guess that's about it so far! :)

Today, I'm two weeks post-op and can still barely believe I did it.  It still feels surreal to me.  The past 2 weeks my mom has been helping me immensely, but I finally left my parents house this morning and I'm going to try returning to school soon. 

I still have pain 2 weeks out, but I'm not sure what exactly I was expecting.  Most of the pain feels like it is from my abdominal muscles.  I have somewhat started trying to sleep on my side and stomach.  It was hard sleeping on my back, though using a lot of pillows really helped make it more comfortable.

I get tired really easily.  Climbing the stairs to my apartment really kicks my butt, though admittedly, it was no picnic pre-op, either.  When I've exerted myself too much, my abdomen really feels sore, like I've just done ten thousand sit-ups. 

Eating is kind of hard.  Food definitely tastes really good, but I get full really fast, or I just lose interesting in eating and feel like I should stop.

So far I've been eating:
really soft scrambled eggs: I chew really well, but I can only eat half of one
pudding: Goes down very smooth, but can't eat a whole serving
cottage cheese: tastes really good, goes down well
refried beans with cheese: tastes great, but I can only eat a couple very small bites before getting really full
Val's ricotta fluff: tastes really good and goes down easily

I had my first post-op appointment on October 5th, one week after I got out of the hospital.  It was a pretty simple appointment, I got on the scale and weighed 334, which was pretty exciting.  I must have had a lot of fluid drainage the week after I got out of the hospital, because I know I gained at least 10 pounds from the IV fluids.

Dr. Ganta also removed my staples and my JP drain too.  I was a little worried about getting the JP drain out.  I asked him how much it hurt, and he said "you're about the find out!" jokingly.  He mentioned that some people said it hurt and some people just thought it felt weird.  Thankfully for me, I can join the group of people who thought it just felt weird. 

We also talked about diet.  He wanted to make sure I knew the importance of protein because I wasn't getting enough in.  He also cleared me to start trying pureed and mushy foods and to do that for at least 2-4 weeks.

It has taken me awhile to write about my hospital experience.  I couldn’t quite find the words to describe it, but I know I read tons of blogs about the hospital experience before my time and I feel the need to pay it forward.  Some of the details are a little blurry for me, but I’ll try my best.

I had to wake up really early on the morning of surgery, September 24^th.  Surgery was scheduled for 8:00, and I had to be at the hospital by 5:30am.  I did manage to get some sleep the night before, thankfully.  I checked in at the hospital and was soon taken back to the prep area.  I had to change into the oh-so-fashionable gown.  For about an hour and a half, I just talked to my parents while people were filtering in and out asking me the same questions over and over again.  At about 7am, the anesthesiologist came in and started my IV.  I also got a heparin shot and had some blood taken to check the clotting factors in my blood.  People continued to come and go, but I really wished they’d just left me alone so I could talk with my parents.  All the people around were making me feel nervous.

Around 7:30am, it really hit me.  I was nervous.  I was afraid to die, I was afraid of the post-op requirements, I was afraid of everything.  I had a fluttering in my chest that was really bothering me; I wanted it to go away because it was really getting to me.  My mom came over to give me a hug and I just started crying.  I told her I was nervous and wanted to go home.  It took a few minutes but she reassured me, even though I kept repeating that I wanted to go home.  She offered to go get the nurse to unhook me, and I was silent.  I was afraid to proceed, but I was also afraid to leave.  I didn’t go through all those insurance requirements for nothing.  I didn’t know what to do, so I just covered myself up and closed my eyes.

Things ended up running a bit late (surprise, surprise), so it wasn’t until 8:30 that I saw Dr. Ganta.  I felt more reassured when I saw him and I admitted that I had been nervous and even asked my mom to take me home.  He laughed, and looked straight at me and told me that everything was going to be fine.  After that, things progressed really quickly.  I got some sort of relaxing shot through my IV, I said goodbye to my parents and told them I loved them and then got wheeled back to the operating room.  It was really cold, but all I had to do was move myself over to the table and help them position me.  I don’t remember much after that, I was out.

The first thing I remember after waking up was being transferred back to the other bed.  I got wheeled over to the recovery area.  I was in pain, but it was manageable.  Even my feet hurt.  I asked the nurse what time it was and was surprised to find out that it was 5:30pm!  Holy cow, that was a long surgery.  The only thing on my mind was to try really hard to wake up so I could see my parents.  After a few more minutes, the pain really started getting to me.  The upper right area of my abdomen felt like it was pulsing and it caused my breathing to quicken and I even started crying again.  I told the nurse I was in a lot of pain, despite pushing my pain pump as often as I was allowed.  She gave me some dilaudid, which helped immensely.  However, once it wore off, the pain was back.  This continued 3 or 4 more times over the course of an hour.  The nurse told me to try deep breathing to cope with it myself.

The pain was at least somewhat managed by around 7pm, but apparently it was taking a really long time to get my room cleaned so that I could be moved.  I finally got up to my room to see my parents at around 7:30pm.  I wanted to spend more time with them, and I felt so terrible that they had such a long wait in order to find out how I was.  They told me that the bariatric coordinator, Linda, had been going in and out of the operating room in order to get updates on me.  They mentioned that something had happened with the laparoscopic tools and they had to wait around to get new ones, which added to the delays.  My dad had to go to work the next morning, so he left around 8pm.  My mom got them to bring a cot in and slept in my room the whole time I was in the hospital.  A little later, the night nurse came in and asked if I was ready to get up.  I was in so much pain; I didn’t know if I could do it, but I did it anyways.  I cried again.  I made it about 20 feet before the nurse recommended that I turn around and go back.  My mouth felt velvety, but my lips really weren’t as dry as I was told they would be.

I tried my best to get some sleep, but it was a little difficult with people coming in to take my blood pressure every 2 hours.  By the end of my hospital stay, I had some moderate bruising on the upper part of my arm.  I also had blood taken every morning really early.

The morning after surgery, some people came in with a wheelchair to take me to my leak test.  I was still in so much pain.  I may have even cried again (this is becoming a trend, isn’t it?).  I was told the barium for the leak test tasted horrible, but it actually wasn’t so bad for someone who hadn’t had anything to drink in over 24 hours.  I got full really quickly and couldn’t drink the whole thing, but they told me I was leak-free, which meant I was going to get ice chips, woohoo!

I was still in so much pain despite ramming on that pain pump every chance I got, and I kept complaining to the nurses, but I finally got some relief later that afternoon.  They changed my morphine (which was also making me itch like crazy!) to dilaudid.  The initial large dose made me feel so great.  I got up for my walk and I was able to walk all over through the halls.  Later, I got a visit from my angel, Dawn.  It was so awesome to see her, but I unfortunately had just gotten switched to dilaudid and was feeling extra sleepy, so I’m afraid I slept through most of her visit.  My mouth was still so dry though because I had yet to get my darned ice chips from the nurse.  Dawn went ahead and brought me some from the machine across the hall though, thank goodness for angels!  My mouth still felt dry for a couple days though, despite the ice chips and water.  I also was feeling really disgusting that day.  I was on my period and I had to ask for some sort of mesh underwear and a pad, but of course the pain was keeping me from actually being able to put them on and I had to ask the nurse to help me.

The day after that, I got some food, or at least something that resembled food.  It was all clear liquids and I got served the same thing for every meal – Jello, broth, crystal light with protein powder, and some sort of drink called Juven.  The protein powder was disgusting and crystal light was disgusting, and the jello didn’t taste so great either.  The broth was pretty tasty, though, and the Juven wasn’t too bad.  I hardly ate anything at any meal.  I just said I was full.  I dreaded it each time the nurses came in carrying that tray of crap because that meant I’d have to eat something.  Later that day, while I was napping, those sneaky nurses took my pain pump away while I was sleeping!  I was nearly devastated.  Even with the pain pump, my pain was barely being managed.  I got liquid Tylenol with codeine as a replacement.  It did not work as well as anything else, not even close.  I cried again each time I got up to walk.  I went to take my last walk of the day and found that my catheter was causing me horrible pain, too.  And that is definitely not a good place to have pain.  Thankfully, the nurse that night was awesome.  She quickly got permission to switch my pain medicine to something else as well as permission to remove my catheter.  I felt so much better afterwards.  The new pain med, lortab, really took the edge off of the pain.  

I got woken up the next morning to try and pee.  I felt no sensation to do so, but I went ahead and sat on the toilet, trying to make sure all my pee was caught in the little receptacle so it could be measured.  It took a long time sitting there to make anything come out, but I eventually was able to pee a little.  I did not want that catheter back.  That day was overall pretty uneventful.  I drank water and chewed on ice chips, ate the gross food, did my walks, and tried to pee.  Dr. Ganta came in later that day and asked if I wanted to go home.  He, my mom, and I all decided that things weren’t well controlled enough for me to go home yet.  I was having a really hard time peeing, I was still in a lot of pain, and I had been running a low-grade fever the night before.

The final day was great.  The pain was still really there, but I knew that I was going to get out later that day.  Peeing got a lot easier, too.  Later that night, I finally got out of the hospital, thank goodness.  I got a prescription for nexium and pain medication and my mom and I made our way to the hotel to stay for the next couple days.  Getting out of the hospital made me feel instantly better.  I swear that place makes people feel worse while they are there.  I wish I’d have had the chance to leave sooner.

Well, I'm on my last pre-op day.  I'm a little jittery today.  When my alarm clock went off this morning and I just about hit the ceiling, it startled me way more than usual.

I'm excited.  I'll admit that I'm also just scared.  I'm scared of complications, I'm scared of pain, I'm even scared of dying.  If I wanted to die, I wouldn't be doing this!  I know I'm just psyching myself out.  I'm doing this; I'm ready.

I have to start the bowel prep soon, and my parents will be here later this afternoon.  I still haven't packed, but I've done all the shopping for the things I'll need afterwards.

I went to my final consult with Dr. Ganta today, and it was great.  This was amplified by the fact that I stepped on the scale and weighed 353, a 15 pound drop from my high weight!  Now I know the pre-op diet actually worked.  Woohoo!  My blood pressure also went down a bit.

Today, I also stepped on the Tanita body composition analyzer in the office.  I know they aren't the most accurate things, but it did say that I have 55% body fat.  Yikes.  I know that number will only get lower though.  I also had to do some sort of metabolism test.  I basically just sat in a chair with my nose plugged and breathed in and out of a tube for 10 minutes.  It said my metabolism was about normal.

I also got to ask some last minute questions and we discussed common channel lengths and stomach size.  He does 100cm common channel on mostly everyone, and we both agreed to go with a smaller stomach size.  He felt around on my stomach a bit, and then I was free to go.

I was also happily given an earlier surgery time.  I'm now scheduled Monday, September 24th, at 8am instead of 11am.  I have to be at the hospital at 5:30am.  I'm excited, but calm.