It is hilarious that uninformed people call lapband "easy". For some people it might be... but for me this has barely been easier than any other attempt to lose weight I've ever done. It's so NOT easy that it's actually frustrating as HELL. My weight loss has been so slow. It's pathetic. I know there's people who are slower but still it's extremely frustrating. I envy the bandsters who sail right through and make it look like a piece of cake. I FRIGGIN WISH all I had to do was count calories and exercise a few times a week. HA! Have you SEEN the long a$$ list of things I have to do in order to even lose 1lb a week?!??!!!??? It sickens me. This crap is NOT easy. Truth be told, I'm seriously thinking about getting something for my metabolism.... because despite the fact that my thyroid levels are normal and my pcos hormone tests came back either very improved or normal, my losses are STILL extremely slow due to these things. I'm not interested in a diet pill to control my hunger..... hunger is NOT an issue. My issue is my body is STUPID. I knew this wasn't going to be easy but for F$%KS SAKE throw me a friggin bone here!!!!!! Things have been CRAWLING for MONTHS it seems like. I am sick and tired of things not moving!!! This was my problem before surgery.... I'd be working my a$$ off and no matter what I did the scale wouldn't move. After no movement for a long time I'd get fed up and just throw in the towel... give up. Well this time I CAN'T just give up. This has been such a mental struggle. I can't just give up the fight. I have to keep trying new things, keep working my ass off even though it doesn't seem to do any good. Everyone says it'll pick up, it'll speed up, once I get at perfect restriction, blah blah blah.... well guess what, I'm SICK AND TIRED of losing 4-5lbs a month, going weeks without losing a damn thing, etc. I HAVE perfect restriction....  my eating is fine. It's my BODY that won't cooperate!!! So yes.... despite the fact that I had this surgery in hopes of finding something that WILL get me to my goal weight, I'm taking my still obese a$$ to Vitamin Shoppe on my lunch break and buying some fucking diet pills. I am SO FREAKIN OVER THIS CRAP!!!!!!!! I'm sick of crying on my husbands shoulder because I feel like a failure. I'm sick of people trying to reassure me by telling me that 41lbs is great, and I'm sick of the damn scale not moving (and enough with this inches BS.... there is no inches loss.... and this isn't a plateau, my body is just stupid). I had WLS!! 4lbs a month is NOT enough. It'll take me friggin YEARS to get to goal at this rate. It's HUMILIATING!!!!!!!!!! Everyone knows I had WLS.

Pre op I knew that this could and probably would happen. But I knew that I did NOT NOT N-O-T IN NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM want ANY of the other WLS options and I knew that I needed SOMETHING to help me. I knew it'd be slow... my biggest issue with losing pre op was plain ole inability. I knew I'd be a lot more successful with RNY, but RNY was NOT NOT NOT an option for me. I'd rather just be obese than have any of the other surgeries done. I'm not questioning my decision.... and if I had it all to do over again I'd still get lapband.

Side note to pre ops: I do not want this to be discouraging for you. Lapband is great and it works wonderfully for most people. My body is just stupid. I have poly cystic ovaries (hormone issue which causes insulin resistance, no periods, and makes weight loss IMPOSSIBLE) along with a thyroid problem.............. so yeah when I say my body is stupid, I really mean it.

I'm seriously going to get some diet pills today. I never thought I'd be doing that again. Hopefully I can find one that can be crushed.

You may have seen one of my posts where I mentioned that my 5 year wedding Anniversary is this weekend (and I swear I wasn't attention whoring... just looking for some advice and throwing some info in with it :-) ). Well after buying a very flattering piece of lingerie, I've just felt really sexy. It fits perfect and it looks GOOD!! Well... I don't know what on earth started this thought but I'm going to take some boudoir photos for my honey!!! I've got a good digital camera with a timer. I've been researching... looking at poses I like and think I'd look best in, lighting advice, backdrops, props, different outfits (not all lingerie), etc. Oh I forgot to mention that I use paint.net, it's a program that does a lot of the stuff photoshop does except it's free. It doesn't have all the bells and whistles that photoshop has but it performs a whole slew of tasks that basic photo editors don't (like I can blend out cellulite, pimples, dimples, warm up my skin tone, blur in the right places, crop, manipulate the background so it looks nicer, etc. It's not going to be easy but it's going to be soooo worth it. I got everything prepped yesterday.... got all my outfits and accessories picked out, printed a bunch of pix of poses that I want to do, tested my makeup, got my props together, etc. I'M SO EXCITED!!! I guess this is an NSV of sorts since I would have never done this pre op.