Well well well. I'm stuck.

I haven't lost any weight since mid september!! Strange... Maybe maybe maybe I should go in for a little fill... I'll give it another week and see how it goes.

I miss the paitent reunion... kinda pissed about it, but I got called into work cuz my boss's daughter was sick. I can't really complain about it though, cuz Nathan's been sick a LOT this year, and he's about to get tubes (maybe) so... I guess I'll just let it go :-)

maybe if i wasnt in love with an idiot, I could just stop thinking about him and therefor emotionally eating to forget about him!

Hahaha. Seeee, i can always find a way to blame it on someone else

Not much to write about. Nothing is really going on.

Some days I feel like a grain of rice would fill me up, and other days I feel like just filling up a dump truck full of food and having it follow me around all day long...

Yesterday I ate two rather large bowls of Coco Pebbles (i've decided to eat chocolate CEREAL to curb my chocolate cravings insead of candy or ice cream. I gotta say, it's been pretty smart of me! You get totally full, and it's only about 240 cals (and 12 g of protein!), instead of 400 cals for snack size 3 or 4 York Pep Patties!)

ANYWAY, I got a chicken club salad today at work, and I was eating it and it was almost gone, and suddenly I was HORRIFIED that I had eaten almost a whole salad!!! That is VERY unlike me. THEN it dawned on me... I had only ordered a HALF salad!!! LOL and I still had some left over and was totally full.

Sometimes I'm still amazed at how LITTLE I can eat and still be truly totally full... It's really a wonderful thing.

Ok, I should have gone to bed about 3 hours ago, as I am babysitting two horrible children in the morning, in addition to my own horrible little monster, er... I mean... sweet wonderful two year old angel who always listens to his mommy and never EVER smears peanut butter on the computer screen...

Nitey

I know I already wrote a post about my UpperGI, and everything, but I felt it needed a little more explaining. It really made a big impact on me, and I want to spell it out (for any readers, and for myself to look back on)

For those of us that have never had and Upper GI, it's like a live x-ray of your digestive system. Basically, you swallow the baruim, which shows up black on the screen. Your organs and stuff are white. So on this black-and-white-tv looking screen, you can see your tummy and esophagus. Then they ask you to take a sip of the baruim (which by the way tastes like strawberry flavored chalk, ground up in thick weird tasting water... 
NOT so good at all.) They watch the barium go down your esophagus (spelling??) and into your stomach.

I took the first drink of the barium, and I saw the little pouch that is my tummy expand with black liquid. BTW, if anyone doesn't know this, it takes 7 seconds for the food/drink to reach your stomach from when you swallow. This was a great help for me to know, so I can give my tiny tummy time to respond to food! But I digress...

So the TT (tiny tummy) literally ballooned up with barium. Doc showed me where the band was place, and showed me the tiny, itty bitty little trickle of fluid that was going through the band into my stomach. I was totally amazed by it. NO WONDER I get sick 50% of the time!! I don't know HOW in the world my TT just didn't totally give up on me. The way I was eating (amounts and the actual WAY I was eating) there is no wonder that the food couldn't get through. There is no way I was chewing my food enough to get it small enough to "fit" through the band. I was deluding myself, hating my band, and cursing myself for doing this in the first place.

So he asked me to take another drink. I did. The fluid started backing up into my esophagus and it took about 15 seconds before there was even any room. My TT stretched even more (I could FEEL it... I knew I was "full") and all in all, at it's totally stretched out point, my tiny tummy was about the size of an egg... For real! I just kept watching the tiny drops (dropLETS, even) of fluid that were passing through the band. The dr then asked me to take another drink. I told him no way... I was "full." He made me take a tiny little sip, and then he told me that he thinks the band is too tight! He said it's really Dr Tom's call, but in his opinion, it needs to be loosened. I don't want that, but we'll see when I go back on Sept 16th.

So I leave there, and go to pick up Nathan from his grandma's house, and she offers to make us some breakfast (my appt was at 8, and I was back by 9:30.) And when she offered me some food, I found myself saying the strangest thing... I said, "No thanks, I'm still full from all the barium." Strange... But it was true.

And honestly, since that moment at the hospital, I have thought totally different about my stomach. I can't seem to shake that image from my head. I saw my TT, and now I know for a fact, how big it is. I feel like I can acutally visualize the food going into my TT.

I'm really happy I got to see all that. It has really changed my perspective on this whole situation. I'm not going to fight the band anymore. I'm going to chew my food. I'm gonna eat every 4 hours, and try to get my protien in. I'm gonna start doing protein shakes again, cuz I'm sure that will help with my energy.

Yipppie!!!! It's not everyday that something you see actually changes your life, so I'm so greatful for this chance. Maybe I should have had the UGI 6 months ago, and I might have gotten to my 75 lb goal by my 1 yr. Oh well, that's done and over with. I have a new love, and respect, for my band, and I will no longer ABUSE IT!

My new goal is....... to lose 39 more lbs by the end of the year. That will put me at 100 lbs lost before the start of the new year! And with 18 weeks left to go in the year, that's only an average of 2.3 lbs a week! That's a perfect goal for me.

Ok, I gotta get to bed. I'm taking some pain meds cuz my shoulder is hurting again, along with every other muscle in my body.. Damn you to my personal trainer on the WiiFit! That little bitch kicked my ASS in yoga. I'm sooo sore!!

Wow. So it's finally been a year? Sometimes it still seems like yesterday.

I had my 1 yr UpperGI done today at St Luke's. And let me just say, that barium is not exactally Starbucks... yucky..

But... I got to see my tiny little stomach, and WOW! I would strongly recommend that whenever you have the chance to do it, take a look at it. I couldn't believe how tiny it was. Prolly about the size of an egg... It was shocking to me. I mean, knowing it is one thing, but actually seeing it is a whole nother thing. It really changed my persepective about this whole thing. I think it's really starting to sink in now the actual size of my stomach... I'm happy I got to do that.

And, on an interesting note, the GI dr that did the UGI on me thinks my band is too tight. He said the decision is up to Dr Tom, but in his opinion, it needs to be loosened. I took three drinks of the barium, and it was starting to backup in to my esophagus. The only thing going through the band was tiny, itty bitty little drops. I was shocked. I knew I had good restriction with this fill, and sometimes I think the band is too tight, but I also think that it's from me not following the rules as well as I should... chewing and all that. But maybe it's not me! But I am honestly happy with the restriction that I have right now, so I think I'm gonna try to get dr tom to just let me slide as is. We'll see. Of course I'll have him unfill me if he thinks it's the right thing to do. We'll find out when I go back in a month to see him.

Yippie! i have a tiny stomach... it's so cute.