It's hard to believe that it's been such a long time since I've been on here! I've totally lost my way of thinking, my BAND mentality... and due to that fact, I've gained 38 lbs over the last 4 months. After having all the fluid taken out of my band due to a possible slip, i gained 22 lbs in 6 weeks!!!! I was soo disappointed and ashamed of myself, but in a strange way, it gave me a lot of confidence in the band. I know that when the band is properly filled/adjusted, it works WONDERS for me!

Am I very discouraged and disappointed that right before my 2 yr mark, I'm further away from my goal weight than I was at my one year mark? Of course. Do I take the band for granted anymore? NEVER

I went in about 2 weeks ago and had another fill... and I think this one has done it!!! I can say that with confidence now because I've been on all sides of it... I've had the band too loose, just right, and too tight... Is it strange that I have 2.4 cc's in now and it feels like the perfect amount of restriction, when before this all happened, I had 3.2 cc's? I can't figure that one out, but the thing that matters is that I DO NOT have a band slip, and the band looks like it's doing it's job again! I've lost 8 lbs in 10 days! I know that seems a little extreme, but with the amount of food I've been eating before this, it's a wonder I didn't gain ALL the weight back that I've lost over the past 2 years!

Well here's to a new start... hopefully, if things work out between Mike and I, we'll be getting married in the next 2 yrs or so and hopefully I'm at goal weight by then!!!!!

I'm just so upset about this whole band slip/gallbladder whatever it is. I'm so scared that I'm gonna gain this weight back... Terrified... I'm sitting here feeling like such a failure. I have no self control, no will power. If I can't keep this weight off for 2 weeks with no restriction, how do I have any hope at all of keeping it off for the rest of my life?

I just keep going over and over it in my head. What did I do wrong? Where did I make the mistake?  People are making it so much harder for me too. When I tell them I've gained 5 lbs back already, they say "Well dont you have any will power?" "Just try to watch what you eat." "If you have to have the band removed, you can just join weight watchers!" 

AHHHHHHHHHH  I had WEIGHT LOSS SURGERY. I honestly felt like I had exaushed EVERY OTHER OPTION for weight loss... No, I don't have any will power, and weight watchers did NOT work for me. What the hell is wrong with people? Do they think I just woke up one morning and decided I didn't wanna be fat anymore so I just "took the easy way out" and had surgery? NO! It was a long and agonizing process where I took a good hard look at myself and decided that I couldn't do this without major help. I am NOT having the band removed. I love my band. I know that sounds crazy, but it has become part of who I am now. I don't know what I am if I don't have the band. Maybe that's a problem, but I feel like it's an extension of my body, like my arm or leg. I would be devistated if it had to be removed.

One person even said to me... "Well, you've lost 90 lbs, so at least it's not a total waste." I am still in shock over that statement... This is a journey that will NEVER end for me. It's not like I'll cross a finish line one day and toss my band aside like a sweaty pair of gym socks. WHEN (not if, but WHEN) I reach my goal weight, that will not be the end of my journey. This weight will always be chasing me, seeking me out, trying to make me fail. My band is the most powerful tool I have against that, and I will NOT give up on it.

ok, so Back from the dr. Since there is a possible band slip, Dr Brown took all the fluid out of my band!!!!!!! I want to CRY! I love my band and all the fluid in it... I had 3 cc's in it and he took out 1.9 cc's He couldn't get any more out.

He also ordered an ultrasound on my gallbladder and an endosocopy (esophagogastroduodenoscopy) with conscious sedation. So we'll see how it goes. If it's not the gallbladder, then we're gonna leave the fluid out of the band for 3 or 4 weeks to see if the band "re-adjusts."  He said the chances aren't good that it will work out that way, but we hope it does. If not then I'll have to have another surgery to fix it or who knows what...

Gosh I'm so upset about this whole thing. I love my band and I never appreciated it as much as I should until now... I'm eating like a pig and it makes me sick. uggggggg I HATE THIS

Ok, so I got a phone call this afternoon from TSWLC. It was one of the nurses saying that Dr Moon was reviewing my UGI and it seems that I have a band slip! I was caught totally off gaurd. I said BUT HE DIDNT EVEN CALL ME BACK WITH MY TEST RESULTS. She kinda stuttered and then told me she needed me to come in first thing in the morning.

I really want to see Dr Tom, but April 1st seems soo far away with the problems I've been having, so I'm just gonna go in and see Dr Brown tommorrow morning and see what happens. I won't let them do any kind of surgery on me... but at least we can get the ball rolling with figuring out what the hell is wrong with me.

AHHHH! I'm so upset about all this! I love my band, and I don't want anything to be wrong with it!!!!!!! I don't want them to possibly remove it, and I don't want to have another surgery.... Hopefully I'm jumping to conclusions here. We'll see tommorrow.

And P.S.  Even though I'm still in pain, I can eat ANYTHING I want, and AS MUCH as I want, and I TOTALLY HATE IT!!! I miss my wonderful restriction since stupid Dr Moon took the 1/2 cc out... I want more fluid. I want more restriction. I miss my tight band! I've gain 2 lbs... But I did do an hour of cardio today, and 20 mins of weights. I rock!

Wow. I have to say that I am reallllly impressed with myself.

I've come such a looong way in the past 19 months! It's been exactly 19 months since my surgery (as of "today" March 20th). I've lost an average of 5 lbs per month, which is PERFECT and exactly where I should be. I'm so happy with my success so far. If you would have asked me a month ago, I would have most likely said that I was disappointed with my weight loss.

I'm hoping to be at goal by the end of the year which means I need to lose an average 5.5 lbs per month for the rest of the year. That's a pretty steep goal, but if I'm at goal before the 3 year mark, I would be extremely happy with myself.

I know 7 or 8 of these lbs have been in the last week and have not been under good circumstanstances, but hey, I'll still take it, and I'll build on it. Hopefully I don't gain any of them back since Dumb Doctor took 1/2 CC outta my band!!! I'm still having the burning pain on the right side, and Dr Tom doesn't start at his new practice until April 1st, so I'm thinking about going in to see my GP about it. I've decided that I'm just not comfortable with Dr. Moon.  I met a Saint E's surgical nurse today, and she told me that he's only been certified in LapBand for a few months!!!!!!! No WONDER he couldn't find my port, even if it WAS tilted! I'm kinda upset that he put me through all that AND then didn't even return my phone call or give me my test results...  But, then again, she also told me that I don't want to see Dr Tom... She said that He is no longer with Saint Luke due to an "ethical issue" and that I should just sick with one of the other new doctors. I was extremely offended by this insinuation!!!!! I told her that I LOVE  doctor Tom, and that it should be obvious that I LOVE him because I'm willing to drive an hour and twenty minutes to see him for a 1/2 hour.  I also know one of the staff member at TSWLC and she said she can't decide if she wants to look for another job, or just try to stick it out... She didn't seem too happy about all the new changes that were going on... 

Oh well. Hopefully, a trip to the GP tommorrow to see what's up with this nagging pain on my right side.